http://www.arbiteronline.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2004/11/08/4190b3990e12dLet’s face it, being a liberal isn’t working. All the hours of being open minded, caring for your fellow man and improving the nation just doesn’t pay off. It’s time to surrender. The textbook definition of surrender is join the winning team. In this case the “winners” are Republicans. Yes, it’s time to trade your bleeding heart for a bleeding ulcer and conform. Here are some tips on becoming a Republican.
PLEASE READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE -- IT'S REALLY QUITE GOOD.
Be afraid of anyone different than you.
There are too many minorities and they are up to no good. They will overrun this country and make sure white America can’t be successful in business. Hate everyone who isn’t white, but subtly act nice when they are around.
Get a gun.
Hell, get as many as you can. The second amendment is still in effect and with the Bush administration it’s now easier than ever to get weapons that will vaporize whatever it is you need to shoot. After all, you do need to shoot stuff. At least you need to think you need to shoot stuff.
Loathe the first amendment.
The Constitution is out of date. Who cares why we came here in the first place? Endorse the idea there should be prayer in public schools. Our president supports the idea so it must be a good one. Stress the importance of censorship and the evils of public opinion. It will only get in the way of your family values.
Conform.
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Join a large church congregation.
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Don’t question what you are told.
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Become a “good ol’ boy.”
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Hate Social Security.
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Strive for a school-less community.
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Move to the suburbs.
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Ignore what’s really going on.
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Listen to country music.
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So there they are, the 12 steps to becoming a Republican. It may be hard to digest this all at once but remember to take it one day at a time.
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