Sunday December 5, 2004
NADER OFFERS TO LEAD UKRAINE
Seeks to Heal Bitterly Divided Nation
Plans for a rerun of Ukraine’s controversial presidential election were thrown into turmoil today as perennial third-party candidate Ralph Nader threw his hat into the ring, saying that he and only he was qualified to heal the bitterly divided nation.
...
“There’s not a hyrvna’s worth of difference between these two guys,” Mr. Nader told the massive crowd. “For starters, their names are both Viktor and their last names both begin with a ‘Y.’”
But after Mr. Nader launched into a forty-five-minute speech urging Ukraine to adopt stricter fuel-economy standards for its cars, the protesters started to drift away, many of them going home for the first time in weeks.
Prime Minister Yanukovich later said that Ukrainian security forces had tape-recorded Mr. Nader’s speech and will use it in the future to disperse unruly crowds.
http://www.borowitzreport.com/
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