Taking 'Intelligence' Out Of 'CIA'

[dArKeR]

The CIA has asked Jennifer Garner, the star of the television show, "Alias," to help recruit new CIA agents. They want her to appear in a recruitment video that they'll show at job fairs and college campuses.

On "Alias," she plays secret agent Sydney Bristow, a beauty who helps goodness triumph over evil each week by using her knowledge of martial arts and her ability to speak every language in the world. The fact that the CIA has asked her to help them out makes me want to tell the CIA what we sometimes have to tell little children about television and movies: These are actors! It's just pretend!

Why should Garner necessarily be an appropriate person to recruit real spies just because she plays a spy on TV? Is Noah Wylie of "ER" going to make a plea for people to go into medicine? Is Dennis Franz of "NYPD Blue" going to recruit police? Is Ray Romano going to try to get more and more people to live across the street from their parents? Shouldn't the "intelligence community" know that these are just roles that actors play?

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/09/03/opinion/garver/main571364.shtml

Does anyone who's honest in their heart actually think Bush has any Intelligence? NO!

[Mark David]

1. Legs trump IQ!

Who says you need an IQ to work for an intelligence agency? Perhaps the CIA belives that case officers exposing their shapely legs, like Jennifer Garner's, is an incredibly potent inducement to a foreign national when rifling them for secrets. Given our low esteem in the world these days, a beautiful, voluptuous woman would likely elicit a more favorable response from a prospective snitch than some oleagenous rationale about serving the cause of American-style "democracy" around the world.

Let's put it this way: If you sold your country down the drain to further U.S. strategic interests, would you prefer receiving a formal thank you note from Rummy along with a complementary U.S. lapel pin, or a glossy 8x10 photo of Jennifer Garner imprinted with a kiss, and a naughty comment handwritten on a lacy garment thrown in as a delicious little surprise?

My own experience suggests that, with the CIA, you've got life imitating art. Some twenty years ago, I applied to various government agencies, including the CIA. (I'm more politically astute now, believe me, so I don't need the ribbing!) But I have to tell you, the CIA personnel I spoke with were the looniest bunch of recruiters I've ever met. The wierdest thing about that sordid encounter was that, not long afterward, one of their retired former interim directors (G. Henry Knocke) paid me a visit and asked me to put some documents together--writing samples, etc. Turned out he lived several blocks away, and for some wacked out reason, he took a personal interest in screening applicants, or so it would appear. Old G. Henry gave me the most elaborate instructions for how to deliver these items to his residence. Among the details: When to deliver the envelope (at some ungodly hour, of course). Where to park my car. How to walk up to his porch. How many times to ring the bell. Where to stand. How exactly to place the envelope under his doormat. Etc. etc., etc. As you can imagine, these folks not only watch reruns of Get Smart every day, they have to play act for the rest of their lives!

P.S. I don't work for the CIA and never have, but am very happy to be employed by the Social Security Administration! It's not exactly a worker's paradise--bureacracies never are--but it sure beats corporate America!