What I'll do for $241,000 | Crispin Sartwell

[AmericanErrorist]

''If provide the quarter mil, I will be happy to promote torture: waterboarding, for example, or forcing prisoners to have sex with one another, or whatever the whim of a John Ashcroft or an Alberto Gonzales may dictate. In fact, I here and now boldly endorse torturing Ashcroft and Gonzales themselves. For another quarter mil, I'll withdraw that sentence. If you put my wife and kids on the payroll and don't require them to do a lick of work, I will endorse the idea that it is perfectly in keeping with the Constitution to hold American citizens incommunicado, without charge or representation, for as long as you feel like it.

If you bribe op-ed editors to run my column and get me on CNN, I will undertake to defend searches without warrant and blanket surveillance of all private communications, particularly those of Hillary Clinton. In a budget of trillions, it will be easy to conceal the trivial expense -- call it $500,000 -- of having me declare that the force in Iraq is adequate to secure the country. Double that, and I will never use the word "quagmire." For a similar payment, I'll use the phrase "New Iraq" with a straight face. And I will undertake to refer to anyone struggling against the American invaders as a "terrorist" and every American soldier -- starting with Charles Graner -- as a "hero." In passing, I wonder how much it cost in taxpayer dollars to get Fox News to do that.

Double me up at a million, and it will be my pleasure to use the term "freedom" as a synonym for "Dick Cheney" in sentences such as these: "All over the world, we are fighting the forces of darkness and bringing freedom to the people." Or: "They hate our freedom."''


http://www.creators.com/opinion_show.cfm?columnsName=csa

[Demeter]

1. A Marvelous Op Ed! Highly recommended!

If only for the quality of the prose and the wit of the ideas, read this column! You'll be glad you did.