Draft No. 9 What George W. Bush might have said—at least as our columnist

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

jokingly imagines it

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6849820/site/newsweek/

By Patti Davis
Newsweek
Updated: 6:21 p.m. ET Jan. 20, 2005

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"...if you never hear from me again it’s because I was taken away in the middle of the night, put into some clandestine place, and am going through rigorous questioning as to where I got this draft. Please delete this link after you read it—you could be next."

“My fellow Americans, I stand before you now as the proud winner of another four years. I have a mandate. In plain English, I can do whatever I darn well please.” (Note to Prez: a bit hostile, I think. Can we get the word freedom in as soon as possible?)

“It is the policy of the United States, as long as I’m in charge, to seek and support the growth of democratic movements and institutions in every nation and culture. If those places don’t want democracy, we will move in and do it for them. They don’t know what’s good for them. I do.” (Note to the president: Definitely use the word freedom here. Freedom’s like ice-cream—can’t go wrong with it. Might even be able to get away with the moving in on them part then.)

“As all the allies of the United States know (Note to fact-checker: do we still have any allies?), we honor your friendship. As long as you don’t argue with what I want to do, who I want to invade or my ideas about the whole global situation (Note to fact-checker: not sure what that means, global situation—just thought it sounded good), we’ll get along fine. We will march into the future as a firmly divided nation, and we will not care what history says about us because we are right and we’ll all be dead by the time they write about us anyway.” (Note to president: “Could we meet in person about this last graph, sir? We need to work on the attitude. Will check on the ally thing. Possible that Poland still likes us, though not sure. We’re going to need a few more drafts of the speech before we get it right.)

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[uppityperson]

1. Simplify: 9/11 freedom 9/11 terror 9/11

then sing "I'm a cucumber"
This article is by Reagan's daughter.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

2. Yes. She and Ron Reagan, as you know, are liberals. Love 'em!