Media Messages aimed at Mothers

[bloom]

Today on the television I watched a little news, Dr. Phil and Oprah.

On the news there was a segment in which a lady, ? Shapiro or something had done a study and wrote a book coming out on Valentines Day that says that young women of today want to be stay at home mothers like their grandmothers with husbands who are the sole moneymakers.

On Dr. Phil there were 3 couples. Two involved men who did nothing to help care for the young children - they worked and spent their non-working time as they wanted while their wives held jobs AND did all of the child care while they were home. The third involved a woman who felt abandoned when her parents divorced when she was young - so she was distraught trying to be the perfect mother.

On Oprah there were several situations that involved children dying as a result of being left alone at home with fairly young siblings while the mother had go to her job to make a living. Part two involved the young age at which people are having sex and the casual attitudes they are taking - which was determined to be a result of not having adequate parental involvement.

__________

The point one would be left with would be that women should stay home because:

1) it's the trendy thing to do

2) their husbands are not going to want to be as invoved in child rearing as they themselves would want to be and so they may become ANGRY MOMS.

3) if they become ANGRY MOMS that turn into single moms because they divorce the dads - their children may DIE when they are forced to leave them since there is no support net.

4) if the children do not die they will become warped for life and become ANGRY MOMS themselves.

5) at the very least they will suffer from low esteem and engage in sex at such a young age that it lowers their self-esteem further.

Therefore ALL THE MOMS MUST STAY HOME and keep watching inane news, Dr. Phil and Oprah FOREVER.

[Darth_Kitten]

1. These women aren't living in the real world.....

how many men would want to subject themselves to a wife who is totally dependent on them? :shrug: I say, start living in reality, chickies.
I don't know, there is so much to say on this topic. The BEST way is for both parents to do the work in the family, not just one. The resentment/anger, etc comes from one parent being overworked and the other one taking the other for granted. Why don't some women WAKE up and realize that they don't have to be the perfect wife/parent? That maybe a man just doesn't want the burden of being the only breadwinner? That a man who can't help raise his own children is the one who is in effect destroying the family?

[bloom]

2. yes - it is complicated

Any one of those shows by themselves, at least the news blip and Dr. Phil might have not seemed like much - Dr. Phil seemed like he could be helpful.

Oprah seemed to really have an agenda of having women feel that they should be home whenever their kids are home.

And while there are ways to work at home and such, and while yes, everyone wants to avoid tragedies - one had to wonder if there wasn't a message that was designed to validate the women who were home watching this.

I hadn't seen Oprah in awhile - but from her magazines I had sensed a more empowering message. Maybe there is one message for the magazine readers and a different one for the TV viewers.

[SoCalDem]

3. The facts are what they are.. Most mothers who work outside the home

DO feel guilty when they are not with their kids.. Every mother who is at work when her kid is sick , or even when they are well, feels the tug.. It's not abnormal.. It's just a fact..

The real tragedy is that the media, and the ever-rising cost of living has almost dictated that Moms must now work.. There was a brief time there (I was lucky..it was when my own were small), when a Mom could really choose.. Lots of Moms went to work in the 70's to earn a little extra money for the "fun stuff", and most only worked 10-20 hrs a week.. They often drifted in and out of jobs, because those jobs were not "careers".. The 80's kicked every young parent's ass.. Prices rose faster than Dad's wages, and all of a sudden, the 2nd income was necessary for the basic family needs..

More women were also college grads, and it was presented to them that they HAD to use that degree, or they would never get a chance later..That's when women started "postponing" childbearing.. That's just more guilt piled up.. If a woman who all of a sudden is 38 and has no kids decides that she now needs one, she will probably feel guilty ofr taking time off from work..

It just never ends.. Our lives opened up, but got narrower all at the smae time.. You can be all things, but just not all at the same time.. I guess you can, but you will have a hard time doing any of them well..

Professional women end up with kids who have grown up in the care of pre-schools, nannies,housekeepers & babysitters, and then they wonder why they are not "close"....The babysitter finds the first tooth, sees the first steps, cleans the scraped knees...

and then the other side is the Mom who stays home, divorces after 20 some years of marriage, and all of a sudden she needs to support herself, when she has never really worked before..

There's no "right" answer...

The hours of work are a problem too.. Way back when, jobs were 9-5 and weekends off.. The jobs people have now, often require nights and weekends, and there is rarely any time for family stuff..

I am so glad mine are grown.. I would hate to have the pressures that so many young Moms feel now..

sorry to ramble.:(

[LizW2]

4. good points

I have friends who fit in every possible category of "mom".

I've done it all myself. I've worked full time, part time, worked from home, not worked at all.

The thing is, most working mothers do not have a choice. And even for those who do have a choice, it is still an individual decision what works for any given family. And what works one year may not work the next. I know from experience that you have to be flexible and constantly ready to change in order to improve the situation and make it the best it can be for you and your family.

The thing working and stay at home mothers universally hate is the guilt trip. Nothing makes me as fighting mad as when another woman says, "Oh, I wish I had the luxury of staying at home and not working." My working friends can't stand it when someone says, "Oh, I would just hate to put my kids in day care and have someone else raise them."

There's no perfect solution. But I do know that it is an individual decision, and ALL mothers could do without the guilt that gets laid on them all the time.

[bloom]

5. kick for the day crowd

My main issue is the fear that the Oprah show seemed to try to drum up and the lack of options/solutions that were discussed.

More opinions anyone?