God's Judgment on Heterosexuality (SATIRE)

[regnaD kciN]

Fr. Tobias Haller, like myself affiliated with the Episcopal Church's Brotherhood of St. Gregory, wrote this marvelous parody many years ago, but this is the first time I've seen it available on a web page.

Even considering the church's call to forgiveness and understanding, it would be highly inappropriate to support the so-called "heterosexual agenda" in the secular arena. The church was, to a certain extent, taken unawares when the greatest victory of the heterosexual special interest group was achieved: the liberalization of divorce laws in many parts of the world. Similarly, heterosexual lobbyists have been hard at work mounting efforts to decriminalize heterosexual acts still forbidden by statute in many states, to lower the age of consent for sexual activity between persons of the opposite sex, and to legalize prostitution and the distribution of pornography. Heterosexuals are also fervent in their efforts to retain the special rights that they have managed to secure, rights not afforded to other citizens.

The heterosexual lobby operates politically, but a more insidious influence may well be through the disproportionate heterosexual representation in the entertainment field and in the media. Heterosexuals hold tight control over almost every communications medium, and the proportion of content favorable to heterosexuality is overwhelming. Scarcely a television program or film is released to the public without at least one major heterosexual character, often the hero or heroine, and the effects of this culture-war are already becoming evident in moves towards greater toleration of heterosexual excesses. A sign of the influence of the heterosexual movement is the growing use of the term "straight" to describe heterosexuals. This novel meaning given to a perfectly ordinary word is an example of the attempt to "mainstream" the heterosexual lifestyle, and it is fundamentally misleading -- relationships as intricate, complicated and twisted as those of most heterosexuals would scarcely be called "straight" in the ordinary sense of the word.

http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/5484/heteros.htm

[Bread and Roses]

1. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.

I don't remember choosing a heterosexual lifestyle. I just always had feelings for the opposite sex. I don't know what to do. Oh, what the hell: "Shut the light, shut the shade; you don't have to be afraid; I'll be your baby tonight."}(

[DrBB]

3. It's okay for you to have those feelings

...most people do from time to time, especially when they're young and in the "experimenting" stage. It's natural, and you shouldn't feel ashamed. Well, not very ashamed anyway. More ashamed than people who never had those thoughts, put it that way.

Just don't ACT on them, that's all we're saying. You'll grow hair on your palms, for one thing. What would JESUS want you to do, that's what you have to ask yourself.

And anyway, now that science has achieved in vitro fertilization, there's no need for these ugly, disgusting, perverted--not to mention HIGHLY unsanitary--acts ever again!

[JohnOneillsMemory]

2. Funny and poignant. What a combination. Sent this around to the 'needy.'

I have a homophobe relative who tries to weave some muddled theological justification for his prejudice and disdain.

This article does a fabulous job of illustrating the meritless hypocrisy.

Check out BettyBowers.com for more of the same.