gay adoption rights: society is ahead of the political curve.

[ulysses]

There currently exists a widening gulf between adoption law and adoption reality in America. It is not legal for gay couples (at least in Georgia, and I'm not aware of any state in which it *is* legal) to adopt a child together...yet it happens every day, openly.

We're involved in the open adoption process, "open" adoption being the situation in which birthparents can choose their child's adoptive parents. The agency through which we work pioneered open adoptions and does them exclusively. They also work openly with gay couples.

Many of those gay couples are openly (are you seeing the trend here?) chosen by birthparents as adoptive parents. There is no deception, there is no fudgy language. These birthparents know who they are choosing. It's just that the state won't allow what the intererested parties already accept, so the gay couple gets to choose which one of them is, legally, the parent and which one isn't.

This is beyond any definition of stupid. In our adoption support group, we've become good friends with several other couples, including a lesbian couple. They'll eventually adopt a child, and they'll be easily as good a set of parents as any other, but, unless the law changes, only one of them will have legal standing as a parent.

It's time for the law to reflect reality.

[ulysses]

1. no one to defend the sanctity of adoption?

How many ignore lists am I on? :D

[KG]

2. son, just pull that lever what got a (D) next to it and evarthang gonna

oops, wrong rant! :)

:hi:

[ulysses]

3. ROFLMAO!

:D

Hey, Kirk!

[ulysses]

4. so we're agreed, then.

Cool.

[KG]

5. looks like it.

hate it when you don't start a flame war.

[LeahMira]

6. Adoption law in the US is mostly crazy.

Many of those gay couples are openly (are you seeing the trend here?) chosen by birthparents as adoptive parents. There is no deception, there is no fudgy language. These birthparents know who they are choosing. It's just that the state won't allow what the intererested parties already accept, so the gay couple gets to choose which one of them is, legally, the parent and which one isn't.

I think I understand what you are saying.

Birthparents voluntarily and with full knowledge are choosing gay and lesbian couples as parents for their children. Still, states refuse to permit these couples to adopt as a couple. One person must adopt as a single.

I agree that this legal arrangement is silly.

I suppose you know all the "reasons" why the general public is afraid of letting homosexuals adopt whether as a couple or as a single.

Adoption laws are pretty archaic all around. Some states have laws that say outright that the effect of adoption is that the birthparents are no longer the parents of a child. Think about it. The child's birthparents are always going to be his or her parents. The child has a shape of face, a color of eyes, and a whole set of talents and personality characteristics that came from those birthparents... not to mention health characteristics. Adoption is, in many ways, a legal lie.

Good for you for choosing an open adoption. Please keep in contact with that birthmother who chose you to parent her child. It's terribly important for your child that you do. Keep in touch with the birthfather too. We adoptees get our roots from our birthparents and our wings from our adoptive parents. We need both.

Families come in all shapes and sizes, most of which people create themselves. One of these days our laws and our society in general will catch up, but until then plenty of people, like your lesbian friends, will be there to support and help when you need that. I hope you will also be there for them.

[OneBlueSky]

7. what many (especially freepers) don't realize is that . . .

very often gay couples (and singles) are willing to adopt or foster children that no one else wants . . . I've known many who have taken in AIDS babies, kids with cerebral palsey, Down Syndrome kids, and kids from abusive backgrounds that can't find homes with straight families because they're not "perfect" . . . people who say that gays shouldn't be raising kids don't know what they're talking about . . . and most of them wouldn't adopt or foster any kid, much less one who is disabled, emotionally disturbed, or otherwise troubled . . . these people are hypocrites of the worst kind, imo . . .

[lcooksey]

8. Most states allow adoption by gays and lesbians

And many do recognize second-parent adoption. See
http://www.nclrights.org/publications/adptn0204.htm for lots of details.