On the lighter side

[walmartsucks]

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca
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"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President
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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

[Turbineguy]

1. Funny stuff

Oh, and thanks for leaving that idiot Bush out.

[walmartsucks]

4. Not my list

Got it in an email. It's a non-partisan list of dumb sayings. I'm just passing it along for your entertainment.

[Lalena]

2. Thanks, I needed a good laugh.

It was a really crappy day at work today and I needed a good laugh.

[walmartsucks]

6. I like the one from Lee Iacoca

"How much clean air do we really need?" After all, I don't use very much air at all!!!

[MisterP]

3. oh, the Gore quotes are Quayle quotes

[drthais]

5. thank you

I was looking foe someone to clear that UP!

[pnorman]

7. I think that Clinton quote was by Bush.

The provenance of that "list" bears close scrutiny. I've heard those "non political" jerks quoted before, but the others seem like deliberate misinformation. I have my doubts on that alleged Hillary quote also.

pnorman

[walmartsucks]

8. geez

Not everything is a freaking conspiracy. With all the seriousness, doom, and gloom I figured people could use a laugh. Sometimes people poke fun at people you like. It's not a bad thing. Lighten up.

[MisterP]

12. oh, I'm hardly a sourpuss;

here's a slew of Quayle Quotes:
http://www.xmission.com/~mwalker/DQ/quayle/qq/quayle.quotes.html
The Man Who Knew Too Little!

[pnorman]

14. "Conspiracy", or due caution?

I'm active on my union BBS, as well as 2 listserves associated with my union. It's almost unbelievable, how much nauseous TRIPE comes my way ... and from union members! Virtually ALL were shown to be either outright (and malicious) fabrications, or a judicious mix of truth and lies. I've became a frequent Flier over at Snopes.com, and I urge all here to do likewise.

Not everything unpleasant to the eye is false, but if it smells "kinda funny", run it by Snopes. When time hangs a little heavy, take a random browse through that website. You'll be AMAZED.

pnorman

[kentuck]

9. Only one Dan Quayle ?

I'm disappointed....:)

[opiate69]

10. Wet blanket time...

most of those are fictional.

www.snopes.com

Funny, nonetheless.

[Kadie]

11. How come there are Hillary, Bill, and 2 Al Gore, but no bushie

We all know that bushie has outdone just about any other single person in "mis-speaks".

I'd add some bushisms, make it really long, then send it along to the email list.

[Toucano]

13. Bad list.

http://www.snopes.com/quotes/quayle.htm

I appreciate the humor, but when Dan Quayle's quotes are attributed to Bill Clinton or Al Gore, I have to set the record straight.

They're still amusing, but they shouldn't be attributed to the wrong people.