Catching flies: Honey vs. Vinegar

[trof]

Had dinner at a restaurant with some close friends last night.
The subject of Kerry's military service, medals, war protest, etc., etc. came up.

One woman said "Welllll...ya know...he WAS only over there for a few months. How'd he get all those medals in such a short time? I heard he got the Purple Heart for just a tiny little scratch. Kinda makes ya wonder. Sounds fishy to me."

I lost it. Went ballistic. Just got ALL OVER her.
Her lower lip began to quiver and she teared up.
Awwww jeez.....dumb and dumber. Me.

I called her and apologized later, but I could tell I had hurt her feelings.
I didn't actually call her a stupid twit, but I certainly implied it.

Doris is my idea of the "average American". She's a realtor. I can imagine her listening to Rush while driving to appointments. She probably thinks she's getting real, unbiased news and comment, not blatant false propaganda. She supports our "wartime president" because she feels it's the patriotic thing to do. She's not a news junkie, like most of us here are. Probably watches Faux (if she watches the news at all) because...hey...they tell her it's "fair and balanced", so it must be.

Doris is part of the great middle/muddle that drives me insane. How can they not see it? How can they not know? How can they not understand?

The point of this whole thing is that Doris may well be winnable to our side. She is not a dyed-in-the-wool, yella-dawg, radical-right repug. But she won't be won by the method I stupidly used last night.

Patience. From now on, when a political discussion starts, I will think "patience...be nice...patience...be nice".
Please go forth and do likewise.

[NMDemDist2]

1. i hear ya trof-- when i walk the neighborhood

my tongue comes back in tatters from biting it.

I have never been known for my subtlety, but I try to just pick one issue and just gently keep at it.

My sympathies, I know how hard it is to not blow your top at some of the drivel i hear spouted around here

Keep it up my fellow dog!

[Paradise]

2. Please, absolutely,

print, and bring her this:

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2004/04/27/i_watched_kerry_throw_his_war_decorations/

rolled up, and tied with a ribbon, and a rose!

And, btw, Kerry did not throw any 'medals'; they were 'merit ribbons' (like the ribbons boyscouts receive for successfully accomplishing training tasks).

[madmax]

3. I have the same thoughts - 1000 times a day.

"How can they not see it? How can they not know? How can they not understand?"

Hang in there!

[lapislzi]

4. It's a case of choosing your battles

and then choosing your weapons.

You learn through experience the types you can get medieval with, and the types that need a plain, direct approach, and the types that require a small bug inserted in the ear at an opportune moment.

It's also not always the people you'd expect who respond to the various approaches.

One needs to be familiar with all the weapons, but can be an expert in one or two.

The other side thinks nothing of using the ugliest, most hamfisted tactics on the most impressionable sectors of the populace, and we should not be afraid to follow suit. When dealing with individuals, however, you can tailor the approach.

[Toucano]

5. Thank you.

That's a good story to remind us to keep our passion positive.

It can be really frustrating to fight the web of lies that ordinary, decent people swallow these days. I try to imagine how Clinton, Carter or someone else I admire would deal with the person.

I lost it on someone the other day, but only when she started saying the Indian family who owns the gas station in town are terrorists. At that point I determined she was no longer ordinary and decent, but an idiotic racist. I unloaded a lot of frustration on her, poor ignorant thing.

[lapislzi]

6. Racism always deserves a sledge hammer

It must be shut down whenever it rears its head, and I don't care who I offend.

I will make the effort to understand the other person's point of view, as in, how he/she arrived at his/her racist position, but I will klaxon it for what it is, and, yes, I will shame that person.