Tom Lehrer songs - remember those??

[bobbieinok]

Black humor from the late 50s on

We Will All Go Together When We Go

When you attend a funeral,
It is sad to think that sooner or later
Those you love will do the same for you.
And you may have thought it tragic,
Not to mention other adjec- tives,
To think of all the weeping they will do.
But don't you worry.
No more ashes, no more sackcloth.
And an armband made of black cloth
Will some day nevermore adorn a sleeve.
For if the bomb that drops on you
Gets your friends and neighbors too,
There'll be nobody left behind to grieve.

And we will all go together when we go.
What a comforting thought that is to know.
Universal bereavement,
An inspiring achievement,
Yes, we will all go together when we go.

We will all go together when we go.
All suffuse with an incandescent glow.
No one will have the endurance
To collect on his insurance,
Lloyd's of London will be loaded when they go.

Oh we will all fry together when we fry.
We'll be french fried potatoes by and by.
There will be no more misery
When the world is our rotisserie,
Yes, we will all fry together when we fry.

Down by the old maelstrom,
There'll be a storm before the calm.

And we will all bake together when we bake.
There'll be nobody present at the wake.
With complete participation
In that grand incineration,
Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak.

Oh we will all char together when we char.
And let there be no moaning of the bar.
Just sing out a Te Deum
When you see that I.C.B.M.,
And the party will be "come as you are."

Oh we will all burn together when we burn.
There'll be no need to stand and wait your turn.
When it's time for the fallout
And Saint Peter calls us all out,
We'll just drop our agenda and adjourn.

You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas.
Go directly, do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dolla's.

And we will all go together when we go.
Ev'ry Hottenhot and ev'ry Eskimo.
When the air becomes uranious,
We will all go simultaneous.
Yes we all will go together
When we all go together,


The Old Dope Peddler
When the shades of night are falling,
Comes a fellow ev'ryone knows,
It's the old dope peddler,
Spreading joy wherever he goes.
Ev'ry evening you will find him,
Around our neighborhood.
It's the old dope peddler
Doing well by doing good.

He gives the kids free samples,
Because he knows full well
That today's young innocent faces
Will be tomorrow's clientele.
Here's a cure for all your troubles,
Here's an end to all distress.
It's the old dope peddler
With his powdered ha-ha-happiness.

http://www.cs.washington.edu/homes/rap/funny/leh.html

[grasswire]

1. Hello, Mom...I'm off to drop the bomb!

But my favorite is The Vatican Rag. (apolgies to Catholics everywhere)

[wryter2000]

2. National Brotherhood Week

Oh, the white folks hate the black folks
And the black folks hate the white folks
To hate all but the right folks
Is an old established rule

But during National Brotherhood Week
National Brotherhood Week
Lena Horne and Sheriff Clark are dancing cheek-to-cheek
It's fun to eulogize
The people you despise
As long as you don't let 'em in your school

[Mikimouse]

9. In addition...

Oh the protestants hate the Catholics,
and the Catholics hate the protestants,
and the Hindus hate the Moslems,
and EVERYBODY hates the Jews, (Lehrer's emphasis)

but during National Brotherhood Week,
National Brotherhood week,
Lena Horne and Sheriff Clark are dancing cheek to cheek,...


New Yorkers love the Puerto Ricans 'cause it very chic,...
Step up and shake the hand of someone you can't stand,


Someone else finish this, I am suffering from old-timers syndrome...

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

10. It's only for a week so have no fear

be grateful that it doesn't last all year!

[Mikimouse]

15. Bless you for remembering the last line...

I hate it when I draw a blank...:hi:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

16. I know every line to every song on That Was The Year That Was

and An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer..two of my all time favorite albums.

[Mikimouse]

22. Mine too...funny that no one has mentioned the...

Whatever happened to...song about Hubert Humphrey

Are you sad, are you cross, are you gathering moss, while you wait for the boss to sneeze?
Does Lyndon, recalling when he was VP say, I'll do unto yo like they did unto me?
Do you dream about staging a coup?
Hubert, what happened to you?


On another note, it is absolutely fascinating to me that for many years I searched for others who might be familiar with Lehrer, and met with failure at every turn. Now, I come to DU and find others who have exactly the same interests, and not just one or two, but many. Interesting pattern, and very gratifying to know that I'm not crazy (well, maybe crazy, but not stupid, at least).:silly:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

25. I know..not long after I started posting there was a Tom Lehrer thread

made me feel I was right at home here...

[Mikimouse]

28. This really is a terrific place...

and I share your feeling about being right at home.

[Mikimouse]

5. One of my favorites too...

First you get down on your knees,
fiddle with your rosaries,
bow your head with great respect,
and genuflect, genuflect, genuflect...


Love Lehrer, and have every recording through the 1968 album that these came from. Other favorite classics include
Poisoning Pigeons in the Park
The Old Dope Peddler
An Irish Ballad
Be Prepared

Excellent stuff!

[OneBlueSky]

45. here's the Vatican Rag lyrics . . .

Another big news story of year concerned the ecumenical council in Rome, known as Vatican II. Among the things they did in an attempt to make the church more commercial was to introduce the vernacular into portions of the mass, to replace Latin, and to widen somewhat the range of music permissible in the liturgy, but I feel that if they really want to sell the product, in this secular age, what they ought to do is to redo some of the liturgical music in popular song forms. I have a modest example here. It's called The Vatican Rag.

First you get down on your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Do whatever steps you want, if
You have cleared them with the Pontiff.
Everybody say his own
Kyrie eleison,
Doin' the Vatican Rag.

Get in line in that processional,
Step into that small confessional,
There, the guy who's got religion'll
Tell you if your sin's original.
If it is, try playin' it safer,
Drink the wine and chew the wafer,
Two, four, six, eight,
Time to transubstantiate!

So get down upon your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Make a cross on your abdomen,
When in Rome do like a Roman,
Ave Maria,
Gee it's good to see ya,
Gettin' ecstatic an'
Sorta dramatic an'
Doin' the Vatican Rag!

[wryter2000]

3. Be prepared

Be prepared!
That's the boy scout's marching song.
Be prepared!
As through life you march along.

Don't solicit for your sister
That's not nice
Unless you get a good percentage
Of the price

Be prepared
But be sure that you don't do
Your good dead
When there's no one watching you

[wryter2000]

4. Someone slap me -- Plagiarize

Plagiarize
Remember why the Good Lord made your eyes
So, don't shade your eyes
But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize

And remember always to call it research

[Mikimouse]

6. The greatest who ever got chalk on his coat...

and who shoud get the credit and who should get the blame, Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name , AY!

[Generic Other]

18. When I can't stop singing this, you will get the blame! AY!

LOL.

[liveoaktx]

7. So long mom I'm off to drop the bomb so don't wait up for me

But while you swelter down there in your shelter
you can see me
On your tv!

[wryter2000]

12. Next

While we're attacking frontally
Watch Brinkeley and Hunteley
Describing contrapunctally
The cities we have lost
No need for you to miss a minute
Of the agonizing holocaust

Is contrapunctally a word?

[sleepyhead]

20. Remember mommy

I'm off to get a commie
So send me a salami
And try to smile somehow
I'll look for you when the war is over
An hour and a half from now-w-w-w!

[Cassandra]

26. Contrapuntally

I'm an old fan myself.

[latebloomer]

23. Let me see. . .

So long, Mom, I'm off to drop the bomb
So don't wait up for me
But while you swelter down there in your shelter
You can see me
On your TV
While we're attacking frontally watch Brinkeley and Huntley
Describing contrapuntally the cities we have lost
No need for you to miss a minute
Of the agonizing holocaust!

So long, Mom, I'm off to drop the bomb
So don't wait up for me
But though I may roam I'll come back to my home
Although it may be a pile of debris
Remember Mommy, I'm off to get a Commie
So send me a salami
And try to smile somehow
I'll look for you when the war is over
And hour and a half from now!


COME BACK, TOM! WE NEED YOU!!

[Guava Jelly]

8. An evening wasted with tom leher is a classic great album

a must listen

[wryter2000]

11. I'm going to have to look for my copy of the album

It was his first, not an LP. With a line drawing of him sitting at a piano with, I think, Lucifer horns on his head. I know I have it somewhere, but I'll have to search to find it.

Wow, thanks for reminding me of him.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

13. Yep

If you visit American city,
you will find it very pretty
just two things of which you must beware.
Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air

Pollution Pollution
They've got smog and sewage and mud
turn on your tap and get hot and cold running crud.



and

Gather round while I sing you
of Werner Von Braun
A man whose allegiance is
ruled by expedience
Call him a Nazi
he won't even frown
Nazi scmazi
Says Werner Von Braun
Don't say that he's hypocritical
Say rather that he's
apolitical

Vonce rockets are up who cares vhere zey come down
zat's not nmy depahtment
Says Werner Von Braun

[bobbieinok]

14. they're rioting in Africa, there's strife in Iran......

Anyone have the words to that song??

[grasswire]

24. the title of that song....

...is: "Merry Minuet"

Not written by Tom Lehrer, but I know it was sung by the slightly fabulous Limeliters. Here are the lyrics:


They're rioting in Africa
They're starving in Spain
There's hurricanes in Florida
And Texas needs rain
the Whole world is festering iwht unhappy souls
The French hate the Germans, the Germans hate the Poles
Italians hate Yugoslavs, South Africans hate the Dutch
And I don't like Anybody very much.

But we can be tranquil and thankful and proud
For man's been endowed with a mushroom-shaped cloud
And we know for certain that some lucky day
Someone will set the spark off and we will all be blown away

They're rioting in Africa
There's strife in Iran
What nature doesn't do to us
Will be done by our fellow Man


-- Sheldon Harnick @1958

[Buns_of_Fire]

51. The version I remember was done by the Kingston Trio

(Back in the days when you actually had to put needle to plastic to hear the things -- but that's another thread altogether...)

[Dudley_DUright]

17. This is me (The Professor)

If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am.
I'm a brilliant math'matician - also something of a ham.
I have tried for numerous degrees, in fact I've one of each;
Of course that makes me eminently qualified to teach.
I understand the subject matter thoroughly, it's true,
And I can't see why it isn't all as obvious to you.
Each lecture is a masterpiece, meticulously planned,
Yet everybody tells me that I'm hard to understand,
And I can't think why.

My diagrams are models of true art, you must agree,
And my handwriting is famous for its legibility.
Take a word like "minimum" (to choose a random word),
{This was performed at a blackboard, and the professor wrote:
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/}
For anyone to say he cannot read that, is absurd.
The anecdotes I tell get more amusing every year,
Though frankly, what they go to prove is sometimes less than clear,
And all my explanations are quite lucid, I am sure,
Yet everybody tells me that my lectures are obscure,
And I can't think why.

Consider, for example, just the force of gravity:
It's inversely proportional to something - let me see -
It's r^3 - no, r^2 - no, it's just r, I'll bet -
The sign in front is plus - or is it minus, I forget -
Well, anyway, there is a force, of that there is no doubt.
All these formulas are trivial if you only think them out.
Yet students tell me, "I have memorized the whole year through
Ev'rything you've told us, but the problems I can't do."
And I can't think why!

http://members.aol.com/quentncree/lehrer/

[latebloomer]

19. Send the Marines

When someone makes a move
Of which we don't approve
Who is it that always intervenes?
UN and OAS
They have their place, I guess
But first-- Send the Marines!

We'll send them all we've got
John Wayne and Randolph Scott
Remember those exciting fighting scenes
To the shores of Tripoli
But not to Missippilli
What do we do?
We send the marines!
For might makes right
Until they've seen the light
They've got to be protected
All their rights respected
Till someone we LIKE can be elected

Members of the Corps
All hate the thought of war
They'd rather kill them off by peaceful means

(something, something)

We only want the world to know
That we support the staus quo
They LOVE us everywhere we go
Send the Marines!!

[Habibi]

38. That song was my introduction to Lehrer.

Some pals and I did a "guerrilla theater" thing to that number on the University of Minnesota campus right after Reagan invaded Grenada.

[Generic Other]

21. The wild west is where I want to be...

Along the trail you'll find me lopin'
Where the spaces are wide open,
In the land of the old A.E.C.* Yee-hoo!
Where the scenery's attractive,
And the air is radioactive,
Oh, the Wild West is where I wanna be.

'Mid the sagebrush and the cactus
I'll watch the fellows practice
Droppin' bombs through the clean desert breeze. A-ha!
I'll have on my sombrero,
And of course I'll wear a pair o'
Levis over my lead B.V.D.'s.**

I will leave the city's rush,
Leave the fancy and the plush,
Leave the snow and leave the slush
And the crowds.
I will seek the desert's hush,
Where the scenery is lush,
How I long to see the mush-room clouds.

'Mid the yuccas and the thistles
I'll watch the guided missiles,
While the old F.B.I. watches me. Yee-hoo!
Yes, I'll soon make my appearance
(Soon as I can get my clearance),
'Cause the Wild West is where I wanna be

[GregW]

30. My all time favorite TL song!

I was going to post it if no one else did!

:thumbsup:

[Kanary]

47. "Wild West" written about my home town!

Tom Lehrer lived in Los Alamos for a while, hence the song.

My English teacher used to start the week with a theme assignment, and sometimes he'd illustrate it with a Lehrer song.

Is it any wonder I"m slightly bent?

~~chortle~~

Kanary

[latebloomer]

27. And what about "The Masochism Tango"? n/t

[Dudley_DUright]

29. Here you go

BTW complete list of lyrics here: http://members.aol.com/quentncree/lehrer/

I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips, dear.
You can raise welts
Like nobody else,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Let our love be a flame, not an ember,
Say it's me that you want to dismember.
Blacken my eye,
Set fire to my tie,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

At your command
Before you here I stand,
My heart is in my hand...
Yeech!
It's here that I must be.

My heart entreats,
Just hear those savage beats,
And go put on your cleats
And come and trample me.

Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany,
That's why I'm in such exquisite agony.
My soul is on fire,
It's aflame with desire,
Which is why I perspire when we tango.

You caught my nose
In your left castanet, love,
I can feel the pain yet, love,
Ev'ry time I hear drums.

And I envy the rose
That you held in your teeth, love,
With the thorns underneath, love,
Sticking into your gums.

Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches.
The last time I needed twenty stitches
To sew up the gash
That you made with your lash,
As we danced to the Masochism Tango.

Bash in my brain,
And make me scream with pain,
Then kick me once again,
And say we'll never part.

I know too well
I'm underneath your spell,
So, darling, if you smell
Something burning, it's my heart...
'Scuse me!

Take your cigarette from its holder,
And burn your initials in my shoulder.
Fracture my spine,
And swear that you're mine,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

[latebloomer]

31. Ah, thanks!

It's been so long-- my dad bought those records when I was a kid, and that song was one of many that left a lasting impression!

[latebloomer]

32. Hey, and thanks for the lyrics link!! Remember "Smut!??

These are all just priceless!

5. Smut


I do have a cause, though, it is obscenity. I'm for it! (laughter) Thank you. Unfortunately, the civil liberties types who are fighting this issue have to fight it, owing to the nature of the laws, as a matter of freedom of speech and stifling of free expression and so on. But we know what's really involved:   dirty books are fun! That's all there is to it. But you can't get up in a court and say that, I suppose. It's simply a matter of freedom of pleasure, a right which is not guaranteed by the Constitution, unfortunately. Anyway, since people seem to be marching for their causes these days, I have here a march for mine. It's called:

Smut!
Give me smut and nothing but!
A dirty novel I can't shut
If it's uncut
and unsubt-le.

I've never quibbled
If it was ribald.
I would devour
Where others merely nibbled.
As the judge remarked the day that he acquitted my Aunt Hortense,
"To be smut
It must be ut-
Terly without redeeming social importance."

Por-
Nographic pictures I adore.
Indecent magazines galore,
I like them more
If they're hard core.

Bring on the obscene movies, murals, postcards, neckties, samplers, stained
glass windows, tattoos, anything!
More, more, I'm still not satisfied!

Stories of tortures
Used by debauchers
Lurid, licentious and vile,
Make me smile.
Novels that pander
To my taste for candor
Give me a pleasure sublime.
Let's face it I love slime!

Old books can be indecent books,
Though recent books are bolder.
For filth, I'm glad to say,
Is in the mind of the beholder.
When correctly viewed,
Everything is lewd.
I could tell you things about Peter Pan
And the Wizard of Oz - there's a dirty old man!

I thrill
To any book like Fanny Hill,
And I suppose I always will
If it is swill
And really fil-thy.

Who needs a hobby like tennis or philately?
I've got a hobby: rereading Lady Chatterley.
But now they're trying to take it all away from us unless
We take a stand, and hand in hand we fight for freedom of the press.
In other words: Smut! I love it.
Ah, the adventures of a slut.
Oh, I'm a market they can't glut.
I don't know what
Compares with smut.
Hip, hip, hooray!
Let's hear it for the Supreme Court!
Don't let them take it away!

[TOhioLiberal]

48. My favorite!

I first heard it on Doctor Demento. Funny funny stuff!

[starroute]

33. I also love the earlier, less political Tom Lehrer

Like the Irish ditty about the girl who killed off her entire family, which ends:

. . . her crimes she didn't deny
For lying she'd been taught was a sin, a sin
For lying she'd been taught was a sin

[immoderate]

34. As a math teacher...

I played my students the song "New Math" so they could learn to add in base eight.

I no longer have the record. Sold my collection after moving too many times. Is it on CD?

--IMM

[starroute]

36. There's a lot of Tom Lehrer listed at Amazon (n/t)

[Kanary]

50. Yes! They're all on CD! I got 'em when they came out.

Shows you my priorities.

~~gigglesnort~~

Kanary

[Buns_of_Fire]

52. IIRC, Tom Lehrer pointed out that in "New Math" it was more important

to know what you were doing than it was to get the right answer. I tried that rationale with my math teacher. Didn't work. :shrug:

[NoPasaran]

35. I've been a Tom Lehrer fan

Since my sixth grade English yeacher played her records for the amusement of our class. Pretty daring stuff for 1967 Virginia.

You too may be a big hero
If you learn to countbackwards to zero
"In English or German I know how to count down
"Und I'm learning Chinese," says Werner Von Braun

[revcarol]

40. A big fan ever since I heard him at the Melodrama in Cripple Creek.

Never got any records.

A great loss to the world of fun and peace and craziness. I guess his students thought he was OK; was hoping he'd retire and take up great music/lyrics again.

Man, he could play that piano.

[nostamj]

37. anyone up for

"Poisoning Pigeons In The Park"?

I hope *some* of our work in the ?W Revue comes even close to his stuff!

[DancingBear]

39. "Make a cross on your abdomen,

when in Rome do like a Roman,
Ave Maria, gee it's good to see ya,
Gettin' ecstatic and sorta dramatic,
And doin' the Vatican rag"

I Love TWTYTW.

And the other LP's, too.

[Bjornsdotter]

41. yep...Have most of them! n/t

[dflprincess]

42. Send the Marines

When someone makes a move
Of which we don't approve
Who is it who always intervenes?
UN and OAS, they have their place I guess
But first, send the Marines...

They've got to be protected
All their rights respected
Until somebody we like can be elected

[Mattforclark]

43. Nikolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name!

Who made me the genius I am today,
The mathematician that others all quote,
Who's the professor that made me that way?
The greatest that ever got chalk on his coat.

One man deserves the credit,
One man deserves the blame,
And Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name.
Hi!
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobach-

I am never forget the day I first meet the great Lochevsky.
In one word he told me secret of success in mathematics:
Plagiarize!

Plagiarize,
Let no one else's work evade your eyes,
Remember why the good Lord made your eyes,
So don't shade your eyes,
But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize -
Only be sure always to call it please 'research'.

And ever since I meet this man
My life is not the same,
And Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name.
Hi!
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobach-

I am never forget the day I am given first original paper
to write. It was on analytic and algebraic topology of
locally Euclidean metrization of infinitely differentiable
Riemannian manifold.
Bozhe moi!
This I know from nothing.
But I think of great Lobachevsky and get idea - ahah!

I have a friend in Minsk,
Who has a friend in Pinsk,
Whose friend in Omsk
Has friend in Tomsk
With friend in Akmolinsk.
His friend in Alexandrovsk
Has friend in Petropavlovsk,
Whose friend somehow
Is solving now
The problem in Dnepropetrovsk.

And when his work is done -
Haha! - begins the fun.
From Dnepropetrovsk
To Petropavlovsk,
By way of Iliysk,
And Novorossiysk,
To Alexandrovsk to Akmolinsk
To Tomsk to Omsk
To Pinsk to Minsk
To me the news will run,
Yes, to me the news will run!

And then I write
By morning, night,
And afternoon,
And pretty soon
My name in Dnepropetrovsk is cursed,
When he finds out I publish first!

And who made me a big success
And brought me wealth and fame?
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name.
Hi!
Nicolai Ivanovish Lobach -

I am never forget the day my first book is published.
Every chapter I stole from somewhere else.
Index I copy from old Vladivostok telephone directory.
This book was sensational!
Pravda - well, Pravda - Pravda said: (Russian double-talk)
It stinks.
But Izvestia! Izvestia said: (Russian double-talk)
It stinks.
Metro-Goldwyn-Moskva buys movie rights for six million rubles,
Changing title to 'The Eternal Triangle',
With Ingrid Bergman playing part of hypotenuse.

And who deserves the credit?
And who deserves the blame?
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name.
Hi!

[Mattforclark]

44. Yep, I have multiple MP3's of his...

[KharmaTrain]

46. What? No Masacism Tango Or Poisoing Pidgeons In The Park???

I, too just copied my Tom Lehrer albums onto MP3...burned onto CD and in the "rotation" in the car.

BTW...the BBC has a one-hour special that Lehrer hosted in 1999...an excellent insight into the songs and the time...you should be able to Kazaa for it.

Lately listening back to old 60's & early 70's comedy really is hitting home...Firesign, Congress Of Wonder, Committee, Credibility Gap, Nat Lamp...the Vietnam stuff could be for Iraq as well and the distrust of a corrupt government (Nixon vs. Bunnypants) is very striking.

[hexola]

49. Poisoing Pidgeons In The Park

thats the one I remember - but Im only 37 - he was a bit before my time...Always loved Firesign too...

[eridani]

53. Poisoning pigeons in the park

Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here.
Life is skittles and life is beer.
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring.
I do, don't you? 'Course you do.
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me,
And makes ev'ry Sunday a treat for me.

All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.
Ev'ry Sunday you'll see
My sweetheart and me,
As we poison the pigeons in the park.

When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide,
But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide.
The sun's shining bright,
Ev'rything seems all right,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

Lalaalaalalaladoodiedieedoodoodoo

We've gained notoriety,
And caused much anxiety
In the Audubon Society
With our games.
They call it impiety,
And lack of propriety,
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names.
But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon.

So if Sunday you're free,
Why don't you come with me,
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park.
And maybe we'll do
In a squirrel or two,
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment.
Except for the few we take home to experiment.
My pulse will be quickenin'
With each drop of strychnine
We feed to a pigeon.
It just takes a smidgin!
To poison a pigeon in the park.

[eridani]

54. My Alzheimer's test

Memorized as a 16 yr old geek--told hubby to use it to find out if and when I really start slipping.

The Elements Song

There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,
And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,
Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium
And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium
And gold, protactinium and indium and gallium (inhale)
And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.

There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium
And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium
And strontium and silicon and silver and samarium,
And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium and barium.

Isn't that interesting?
I knew you would.
I hope you're all taking notes, because there's gonna be a short quiz next period.

There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium
And phosphorous and francium and fluorine and terbium
And manganese and mercury, molybdinum, magnesium,
Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium
And lead, praseodymium, and platinum, plutonium,
Paladium, promethium, potassium, polonium, and
Tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium, (inhale)
And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium.

There's sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium
And also mendelevium, einsteinium and nobelium
And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium
And chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper,
Tungsten, tin and sodium.

These are the only ones of which the news has come to Harvahhrd,
And there may be many others but they haven't been discovahhrd.