Help...I need that faux GWbush resume

[greenbriar]

fast, I have to counteract an email I got

[lovedems]

1. Here...

RESUME

George W. Bush
The White House, USA
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty,
paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for
30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and
is not available.

MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I
refused to take a drug test or answer any questions
about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National
Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.
I was a cheerleader.


PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

I began my career in the oil business in Midland,
Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't
find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt
shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a
sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our right-wing friends
in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I
was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil
companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the
Union.

During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the
most smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the
tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any
governor in American history.

With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida,
and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I
became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.


ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter
office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing
cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted
the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit
in U.S. history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies
filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a
12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the
history of the U.S. stock market.

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans
lost their jobs.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the
richest of any administration in U.S. history. My
"poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron
oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips
by a U.S. President.

I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for
receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of
my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the
largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History,
Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and
corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S.
Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton
against investigation or prosecution. More time and
money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky
affair than has been spent investigating one of the
biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S.
history and refused to intervene when corruption
involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S.
history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals
to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration
than any President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the
largest bureaucracy in the history of the United
States government.

I've broken more international treaties than any
President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the
United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights
Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S.
"prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused
to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United
Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S.
election).

I set the record for least number of press conferences
of any President since the advent of television. I set
the all-time record for most days on vacation in any
one-year period. After taking off the entire month of
August, I presided over the worst security failure in
U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the
World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later
made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the
largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people
worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public
venues (15 million people), shattering the record for
protest against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an
unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military
occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the
will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
citizens, and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and
support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops
and their families -- in war time.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our
reasons for attacking Iraq, then blamed the lies on
our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority
of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest
threat to world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical
Bunker Buster," a WMD.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now
in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for
public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider
trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my
Vice-President, attended regarding public energy
policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for
public review.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.

[greenbriar]

3. thank you very much

I saved it this time

[NMDemDist2]

4. thanks

sent it off to my Dem buddies

[lovedems]

2. There is also this, it is a bit different

I attacked and took over two countries.
I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the US
Treasury.

I shattered the record for the biggest annual
deficit in history (not easy!).
I set an economic record for the most personal
bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.

I set all-time record for the biggest drop in the
history of the stock market.

I am the first president in decades to execute a
federal prisoner.

In my first year in office I set the all-time
record for most days on vacation by any president in
US history (tough to beat my dad's record, but I did).

After taking the entire month of August off for
vacation, I presided over the worst security failure
in US history.

I set the record for most campaign fund raising trips
by any president in US history.

In my first two years in office over 2 million
Americans lost their jobs.

I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work
Americans than any other president in US history.

I set the all-time record for most real estate
foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I appointed more convicted criminals to
administration positions than any president in US
history.

I set the record for the fewest press conferences
of any president, since the advent of TV.

I signed more laws and executive orders amending
the Constitution than any other US president in
history.

I presided over the biggest energy crises in US
history and refused to intervene when corruption was
revealed.

I cut health care benefits for war veterans.

I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15
million people), shattering the record for protest
against any person in the history of mankind.

I dissolved more international treaties than any
president in US history.

I've made my presidency the most secretive and
unaccountable of any in US history.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in US history. (The poorest
multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil
tanker named after her.)

I am the first president in US history to have
all 50 states of the Union simultaneously struggle
against bankruptcy.

I presided over the biggest corporate stock market
fraud in any market in any country in the history of
the world.

I am the first president in US history to order a
US attack AND military occupation of a sovereign
nation, and I did so against the will of the
United Nations and the vast majority of the
international community.

I have created the largest government department
bureaucracy in the history of the United States,
called the "Bureau of Homeland Security"(only one
letter away from BS).

I set the all-time record for biggest annual
budget spending increases, more than any other
president in US history (Reagan was tough to beat, but
I did it!!).

I am the first president in US history to compel
the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights
Commission.

I am the first president in US history to have
the United Nations remove the US from the Elections
Monitoring Board.

I removed more checks and balances, and have the
least amount of congressional oversight than any
presidential administration in US history.

I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.

I withdrew from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners
of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva
Conventions.

I am the first president in US history to refuse
United Nations election inspectors access during the
2002 US elections.

I am the all-time US (and world) record holder
for most corporate campaign donations.
The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign,
who is also one of my best friends, presided over one
of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in
world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron
Corporation).

I spent more money on polls and focus groups than
any president in US history.

I took the world's sympathy for the US after 9/11, and
in less than a year made the US the most resented
country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic
failure in US and world history).

I am the first US president in history to have a
majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my
presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
stability.

I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals
to be awarded government contracts.

I set the all-time record for the number of
administration appointees who violated US law by not
selling their huge investments in corporations bidding
for gov't contracts.

I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties
for Americans than any other president in US history.

I entered office with the strongest economy in US
history and in less than two years turned every single
economic category heading straight down.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES: I have at least one
conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving
record has been erased and is not available).

I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the
military during time of war.

I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any
questions about drug use.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have
been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records of any SEC investigations into my
insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All minutes of meetings of any public corporation
for which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy
and unavailable for public view.

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP)
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public review.

[Mad As Hell]

5. Don't forget this

Ran for Congress on pro-choice platform. Flip-flopping phony.

[lovedems]

7. I haven't heard that one.

But thanks!

Welcome to DU! :hi:

[newyawker99]

12. Hi Mad As Hell!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[Cronus Protagonist]

6. Here's an updated and ACCURATE Bush resume

No distortions or unsupported statements here. It's also kep updated and is linkable.

http://cronus.com/bushresume

enjoy :)

[lovedems]

9. Have you found anything about his brief stint with the Carlyle Group?

I remember reading somewhere he had board members position, was given a job to do and screwed that up to.

Is there any truth to that?

[Cronus Protagonist]

10. AFAIK that was Bush Sr. - got kicked off for incompetency

...or was it for providing no value at all? Can't remember the details because he's a nobody.

[lovedems]

11. Wait...

There is this

http://prorev.com/bushcarlyle.htm

jr. did hold a position and didn't do jack.

and this.. This one is better.

http://money.telegraph.co.uk/money/main.jhtml%3B?xml=/money/2003/07/09/cnbush09.xml&menuId=242&sSheet=/money/2003/07/09/ixcity.html

snip

Mr Rubenstein said Mr Bush was hired to be a non-executive director of Caterair, the world's largest airline food business that Wall Street dubbed Craterair, in the early 1990s.

"Somebody came to me and said: 'Look there is a guy who would like to be on the board. He's kind of down on his luck a bit. Needs a job… could you put him on the board? Pay him a salary and he'll be a good board member and be a loyal vote for the management and so forth,'" he said in a speech to a Los Angeles pension fund.

Of Mr Bush's performance, he added: "He … came to all the meetings. Told a lot of jokes. Not that many clean ones. And after a while I said to him, after about three years: 'You know, I'm not sure this is really for you… because I don't think you're adding that much value. You don't know that much about the company.'"

[republicansarewhores]

8. Send them here too...

http://www.deckofbush.com




RAW