To be a Republican in 2004, you must :

[CatWoman]

It is very tough to be a Republican in 2004, because somehow, you have to believe concurrently that:

1) Jesus loves you, but shares your deep hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton

2) The United Stated should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

3) Standing tall for America means firing all of your workers and moving their jobs to India.

$) A woman can not be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all of mankind.

5) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for recovery.

6) The best way to improve military moral is to praise troops in speeches, while slashing veterans benefits and combat pay.

7) Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins, unless someday you run for Governor of California as a Republican.

8) If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents wont have sex.

9) A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle out long time allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

10) HMO's and insurance companies make huge profits and have the interest of the public at heart.

11) Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

12) Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

13) It's OK that the Bush family's Carlyle Group has done millions of$$ in business with the Bin Laden Family.

14) Saddam was a good guy when Regan armed him and Rumsfeld reassured him he was our buddy, but a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, but then a bad guy again when Son of a Bush needed a prop for his reelection campaign as the war President.

15) A president lying about extramarital affairs is an impeachable offense. A president lying about WMD existence to enlist support for an unprovoked, undeclared war and occupation, in which thousand of soldiers and civilians die, is, somehow, solid defense policy in a War against Terrorism.

16) Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which should include banning Gay marriages and censoring the internet.

17) The public has a right to know about Hiller's cattle trades, but George Bush's Harkin Oil stock trade should be sealed in his daddy's library, and none of our business.

18) What Bill Clinton and John Kerry did in the 80's is of vital national interest, but what son of a bush did in the 80's is irrelevant.

19( Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to the spirit of international harmony.

20) Affirmative Action is wrong, but it is OK for you daddy and his friends (here and in Saudi Arabia) to get you to graduate from Yale without studying much, to bail out your companies (Harkin Oil and the Texas Rangers), and to get the Governorship of Texas.

21) You are a conservative, but it is OK to spend like there is no tomorrow and run up deficits that your grandchildren will have to repay, while at the same time refunding as much tax money as possible to the rich people who by their own admission do not need or want it.

Contemplating these illogical paradoxes can take a toll on a healthy mind. So if a friend of yours has been acting a bit dazed and confused lately, be nice; he or she may be a republican.

Author unknown

[Don_G]

1. Hell, Just Break Out The Crayons

And color your world "rosy."

[jeff30997]

2. Hmmm...

Well,i guess i'm not a Republican.:)