Things the cameras won't show at the RNC

[Arkana]

What will be unseen by the watching public at the RNC? Post your thoughts. Here are mine:

-George W. Bush leading Laura through the crowd by the neck, instructing her to continue smiling and waving as he shakes hands, muttering "That's a good wifey. That's a good wifey..."

-Dick Cheney chugging a bottle of brandy, scarfing a cheeseburger, then telling Trent Lott to "Fuck yourself."

-John Ashcroft screaming at the top of his lungs and running around dousing everyone who is drinking alcohol, eating fatty foods, or dancing with holy water.

What are your thoughts?

[ronnykmarshall]

1. Four words

Ann Coulter Glory Hole

[mark11727]

8. Oh Jeebus, now I gotta sit down.

[BloodyWilliam]

12. I hate you so much for giving me that image.

I need to drink now.

[johnfunk]

23. Ann Coulter? I'm thinking Rich Lowry myself...

n/t

[Skittles]

28. good LORD ronnyk

I'm trying to EAT here.

[jean]

2. will Ashcroft sing the Eagles Soar song?

[terrya]

3. Santorum engaging in some lusty man/dog sex.

[Sabriel]

17. With a box turtle watching n/t

[Kazak]

4. Uhm...

the hoards of protesters outside?

:shrug:

[AlCzervik]

5. Tom Delay shaking down someone.

[Caution]

6. hell all of those are listed as thing to watch for at the RNC!

[klook]

7. Roy Moore for President signs n/t

[readmylips]

9. Roseann singing the Anthem....

and grabbing her bush.

[name not needed]

10. Zell Miller fucking a goat

[Throckmorton]

11. Calico Cats

Jonny is having them all deported to gitmo.

[TrogL]

13. Naked line-dancing

[Arkana]

14. kick this please

[democrat_patriot]

15. Anything truthful.

Anyone with a dissenting opinion.

Bush's military records.

Energy task force agenda.

[johnnie]

16. Let's see

Bush falling off of his exercise bicycle backstage.

The IC chips being reprogrammed under Laura's skull.

The "Nancy is a bitch" tee-shirts being sold in the lobby.

The "Ron is God" tee-shirts being sold in the lobby.

The twins doing a shot every time daddy says "tourist".

The twins puking their guts out after 5 minutes of daddy's "speech".

Rush sitting in his car across the street at Denny's.

The makeup room where black shoe polish is being applied to volunteers, so as to make the convention look more "colorful".

[Sabriel]

18. Bush having the speech wired directly into his brain.

Apparently the ear-piece approach doesn't work too well, so he'll just lipsynch Rove.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

19. The "aides" backstage

trying to get bush ready for his big speech. If only HALF the stuff Capitol Hill Blue reports is true, can you imagine it? Here it is:

Aide 1: "Come ON, Mr. President, get it TOGETHER!"

Aide 2: "Shake him a little, shake him."

Makeup lady: "Urg, guys, I canNOT reach the other side of his face, pick him up, is someone going to do something about this?"

Aide 2: "Get the Vice President in here....or get Rumsfeld or someone, get SOMEONE."

George: "Ok, ok I'm ok. Yeah. I feel ferfectly pine. Wha?"

Makeup lady: "I cannot believe I am cleaning spittle off his face, where is some help?" She looks around desperately. George's face has gone slack again, she is holding up his head.

Aide 1, sweating profusely: "Ok, Mr. President you ok? You want some coffee?"

(Guy turns to his cell phone, voice dials, "My GOD what did they give him???? Well, CHRIST, you CANNOT give Antabuse to someone who is DRINKING, didn't the doctors tell ya'll that?")

Hangs up.

Aide 2 to Aide 1, voice shaking: "He's on in ten. What the FUCK?"

Aide 1: "Get Mrs. Bush in here. I want to know EXACTLY what he had today!! NOW!!!"

Campaign Head runs in. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

Campaign Head and Aide 1 proceed to verbally spar.

Campaign Head: "I thought you said he'd be FINE. Of ALL NIGHTS. Of ALL damn nights."

Sits, holds head in hands.

Mrs. Bush comes in. Aide 1: "Um, ok, we know about the Antabuse and the Vice President seems to think he had a little something else today."

Mrs. Bush: "Something else?"

Aide 1: "Um, yeah. I mean.....yeah. That's from the Vice President."

Mrs. Bush: "THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING HIM, DAMNIT THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN."

Campaign Head looks up. "I know, Mrs. Bush, I know...."

Aide 1 cell phone rings. He answers. "Muscle relaxers? Is that it? Antabuse, a little Wild Turkey this afternoon and how many muscle relaxers? Good, one. Ok." Hangs up.

Turns to Mrs. Bush: "Look we just have to get him ready. Someone send word to have the schedule drawn out a bit, it'll just make them more ready than ever for him, you know a little fashionably late...draw it out a good twenty minutes, that gives us thirty."

Makeup lady is forcing him to take sips of coffee while her assistant fixes his face and hair.

George: "You got the scrip?"

Makeup assistant, chuckles, "No, Mr. President, I don't have your speech." She looks up with knowing eyes at Aide 1.

Aide 1: "Mr. PRESIDENT! Ok, listen, you have your speech, it's RIGHT HERE" (he motions to George's pocket), "but you will also have it on FIVE teleprompters, ok? Remember them? Remember to look at them, right?"

George: "What about the ear doohickie?" George giggles, winks at makeup assistant, seems distracted.

Aide 1, whispers to George, "Yeah we got that but listen, you HAVE to remember not to try to adjust it, do NOT touch your ear in any way out there, ok?"

George: "YEP." Salutes Aide 1. "Wha-ever you say captain!"

[kimchi]

27. That was perfect!

Thanks!

[Arkana]

20. second kick

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

21. Third kick why not? LOL

[johnfunk]

22. Dennis Hastert in his bondage gear...

... down on all fours, on a leash held by Tom DeLay, who is also holding a whip, as Hastert says, "Thank you, sir, may I have another?"

[LSdemocrat]

24. Angry, hatefilled WASPs

[Endangered Specie]

25. The complimentery M-16 handouts at the front.

[jpgray]

26. Talent.

:D

[jmowreader]

29. The swastika armbands and Nazi flags

It's the kinder, gentler RNC!

[Endangered Specie]

30. You have the GOP and the NSDAP wings

of the Republicain party eh?

[Arkana]

31. kick for the night crew