Could this be the next Hummer?

[jmowreader]

This is Sprinter. It is the perfect vehicle for the "I gotta get a bigger one than my next-door neighbor" yuppie.

First, it's huge. You can get a Sprinter with a 158-inch wheelbase; this one has a cargo area long enough to hold 12-foot lumber. Even the smallest Sprinter will hold a sheet of plywood flat on the floor. The cargo area on a Hummer is only about four feet long.

Second, it's wonderful to drive the Sprinter. Its five-cylinder engine will propel the van past Hummers, minivans, big pickups and other yuppie totems. It is exceptionally smooth in operation. And you can get heated seats, which are very nice.

Third, it's made by Mercedes-Benz. They sell this monstrosity under the Freightliner and Dodge names in the US because American yuppies think Mercedes-Benz means fancy cars and only fancy cars. (In reality, M-B is one of the largest, if not THE largest, manufacturers of heavy trucks in Europe.) On the nose of the Sprinter is a little badge: "Mercedes-Benz Powered."

Fourth is the name on the front: "Freightliner." It is America's most popular big truck brand. Every little boy wants his own semi. Every big boy wants the semi he didn't get when he was a little boy. If there's a better penis extension than having your own Freightliner, I don't know what it is.

Fifth: These trucks cost $38,000 apiece. Hummers start at $43,500. On a straight cost-avoidance basis, Sprinter is a no-brainer.

Sixth is maintenance. Oil change interval is 10,000 miles, you tune it up every 20,000 and Freightliner maintenance departments stay open until midnight so you don't have to take time off from work to get your Sprinter looked at.

Seventh is the user base. Hummers are generally owned by self-indulgent yuppies. Sprinters belong to contractors and airport-limo companies. When you see a Hummer drive by you think "that guy is a pig." If you've ever seen a Sprinter, you would think, "that's a hard-working fella."

But the reason lefties should be so hot to get a Sprinter into every Hummer-owner's garage is very simple: This vehicle gets 27 MPG, and it's a diesel so you can run all sorts of alternate fuels like biodiesel and waste vegetable oil in it. Hummers get abominable gas mileage--in the specs under "EPA fuel economy" it says "trust us, you really don't want to know."

[ironflange]

1. Those are sweet

Unlike the Hummer, they are vehicles with practical uses in the real world. I've seen a camper conversion, it was really nice.

[jmowreader]

2. The only thing that pisses me off about Sprinter

is that DaimlerChrysler is bogarting the really sweet versions of this thing.

In Germany you can get one--from the factory, not an upfitter--that is set up as a mobile fast-food joint complete with a stove. You can get a Sprinter with a refrigerated cargo area and use it to deliver perishables.

In the US you have to send it to an upfitter to get anything interesting done to it.

[ironflange]

3. The name isn't original either

Toyota made a Sprinter in the early 70's. I'm not too sure it applies well to a big van, anyway. They should have called it the Ponderosa or something.

[jmowreader]

4. The Germans came up with that one

I think they got it from the fact that it's a lot quicker than its competition--the bread truck.

[Elginoid]

5. my 1992 Grand Caravan will hold plywood flat on the floor-

that's no big deal.

I doubt that these will be the next "Hummer"...they're just too goofy-looking.

[jmowreader]

11. What is a big deal...

is that the Sprinter will haul an entire 3400-pound bunk of plywood flat on the floor in one trip. A Grand Caravan can't do that. Neither can a Hummer.

(You need two machines to load a whole bunk of plywood into anything. The first one is a Raymond 4-d crabsteer reach truck, which you can drive sideways; with this machine you walk one end of the bunk into the back of the truck and set it on the floor. The other machine can be any lift truck that can handle a full bunk of plywood. It shoves the wood all the way in.)

[Elginoid]

20. Hell, my Jetta could carry that much plywood...no big deal.

[dietdpfan]

15. They just look like a van on steroids.

I don't think they are that goofy-looking.

I doubt these will become more popular than Hummers. Here in Scottsdale, Cave Creek, and other hoyty toyty areas of Phoenix, the H2 is still the big "status" symbol of rich folk everywhere. It's disgusting.

When I see them in a parking light, I make sure to park my Ford Focus as far away from them as is possible.

[Elginoid]

6. THIS is the next "Hummer"...

The CXT, the new monster pickup from heavy truck maker Navistar.

you didn't know what would be a better penis-extender than a freightliner...well, now you know.

[jmowreader]

9. I've seen the CXT, or at least pictures of one

You can get his-and-hers Sprinters plus a Scion xB for the price of one of those CXTs...and you can park the Sprinters in the garage.

[Mindful Monk]

19. I think you are right

This CXT appeals to the Hummer mind set. It's a monster truck mind set, one that focuses on the ability to physically squash smaller vehicles. Since the CXT could probably squash the Hummer, it will undoubtedly be the new king of stupid largeness.

The Sprinter may be more sensible from an engineering standpoint, but it looks like a gigantic minivan. Hummer drivers don't do minivans.

[951]

7. I've saw an AMR ambulance like that

and I've seen a few out of state vans around its not that big

[7 Lazy P]

8. Diesel "tuneups"?

I don't think that will be a major selling point. :)


I doubt it will replace the Hummers in their hearts. It is a straight commercial cargo/people mover. It has no off-road or military pretensions like the H1 or H2, and is not marketed as such. I can't see many of the "I need a SUV so people will think I ski" crowd getting one of these.

[jmowreader]

13. You have to tune up a commercial diesel

It's not like a tuneup on a gas engine; you set the valve lash, change the fuel filters, check the air cleaner and a few other little tasks to keep the engine running right.

This is not a Hummer in the "I need an SUV so people will think I ski" sense, it's a Hummer in the "ungodly huge, ungodly expensive vehicle I don't really need" sense. And the real drivers in the purchase of Sprinters will be the wives--especially wives who are hooked on Sam's Clubs and Costcos. You know how much case-lot stuff you can get in this thing? Plus, it's parkable by mere mortals. A Hummer, especially an H1, is so freakin' wide it's difficult to park one without tearing the coachwork up.

[maveric]

10. Drive one of those on a mountain pass during a wind storm.

Taking "high profile vehicle" to a new level.

[qnr]

12. My pee-pee must be miniscule

Fourth is the name on the front: "Freightliner." It is America's most popular big truck brand. Every little boy wants his own semi. Every big boy wants the semi he didn't get when he was a little boy. If there's a better penis extension than having your own Freightliner, I don't know what it is.

This is my transportation (but mine is the 2004 model, the image is 2005)

[jmowreader]

14. Dude, you're hung like a freakin' horse

A man who drives a vehicle that small must compensate by having a penis so large he ties it around his waist like a belt.

You're the hero of the horse-laugh/horse-cry joke, in which a bartender put a sign over his horse, "$200 to the man who can make my horse laugh." QNR whispered something in its ear and it fell down laughing.

Three months later, a new sign appeared: "$2000 to the man who can make my horse stop laughing." QNR asked the bartender if he could take the horse outside. 'You're not going to hurt him or anything, are you?' 'No, I just want to show him something.' Two minutes later the horse is in tears.

As the bartender is paying QNR off, he asked, "what did you do?" 'Oh, the first time I told him my dick was bigger than his. This time I proved it.'

[qnr]

16. Reminds me of

a joke I heard as a kid -- all I remember of it is "Yeah, but I was only showing you the head"

You're right though, I'm rapidly approaching senility and should have realized that by showing a small vehicle I was implying that I didn't need an extension, but it's really not what I was thinking <shrug>

[librechik]

17. Ladies and gentlemen, the Air Car! (runs on compressed air)

cleans dirty air, costs $10,000.

http://www.theaircar.com/

http://www.gizmohighway.com/autos/aircar.htm








snip
"How do the air tanks work and are there any issues with their safety?
One of the most frequently asked questions regards the safety of the air tanks, which store 90m3 of air at 300 bars of pressure. Many people ask whether this system is dangerous in case of an accident, and whether there is an explosion risk involved. The answer is NO. Why? Because the tanks are the ones already used to carry liquefied gases on some urban buses, and therefore make use of the technology that is already used to move buses on natural gas. That means that the tanks are prepared and certified to carry an explosive product: methane gas.

In the case of an accident, with air tank breakage, there would be no explosion or shattering, now that the tanks are not metallic. Due to the fact that they are made of glass fibre the tanks would crack longitudinally, and the air would escape, causing a strong buzzing sound with no dangerous factor. It is clear that if this technology has been tested and prepared to carry an inflammable and explosive gas, it can also be used to carry air.

A final matter with reference to the air tanks, is the improvement that MDI contributed to the original structure. In order to avoid the so-called 'rocket effect', this means to avoid the air escaping through one of the tank's extremities causing a pressure leak that could move the car, MDI made a small but important change in the design. The valve on the buses' tanks are placed on one of the extremities. MDI has placed the valve in the middle of the tank reducing the 'rocket effect' to a minimum.

It is said to have a 90m3 tank. That is impossible, for it would take up the space of four lorries. There must be a mistake.
Yes, there is a mistake. The four tanks have a capacity of 90 litres, and they store 90m3 of air at a pressure of 300 bars.

You refer to an air tank at 200 pressure bars, that can be recharged at home with a domestic compressor. With the ones I know about, not only is it impossible, but it would be dangerous.
The pressure is of 300 bars, not 200. It is not referring to a conventional compressor to refill the tanks. The MDI car has a small compressor designed to fully refill the tanks in 3 to 4 hours."
snip (from the FAQ)

[WLKjr]

18. I see these all the time

seem to be very popular with delivery businesses around me.