You have taken control of the signal to bush's receiver, now what?

[0rganism]

It's the night of the third debate.

You are one of a handful of Bothan spies who've infiltrated the Death Star and are now in control of the mixing board for the signal to bush's wireless receiver. He's about to start his closing statements, and you can put anything you want into his head -- knowing it will probably come out of his mouth -- for the next 2 minutes.

It's up to you to decide how the president will use the final minutes of the final debate. Which audio file do you send to the Presidential Earpiece?

edit: restored "quoted" material to poll choices

[951]

1. I was thinking of playing a high-pitched tone in his ear :D

[chicagojoe]

8. Is that Coulter-geist, and does IT have a moustache ???

[MidwestTransplant]

11. Make him say: "I do the chacha like a sissy girl"

From Bruce Almighty

[Lord_StarFyre]

19. I like that idea most of all

Just play an ultrasonic blast long enough so bunny pants has to rip the blasted thing from his ear, live, on National television, thereby admitting what a cheating, lying, pathetic little weasel he is (like we don't already know, but I'd love to hear Fats "Hillbilly Heroin" Limbaugh spin the dubya christ outta that)

[Gore1FL]

20. or just simply get pissed

He goes ballisitic easy enough anyways -- imagine with a pounding headache and no support from his handlers.

[tedoll78]

2. I got it..

Harvey Fierstein reading, in his "sexiest" voice possible, a hardcore gay porno story. Preferably a "my first time" type of story. With scat involved. Yeah, that's the ticket.. it'd surely disturb and distract him.

Either that, or a radio advertisement for Tyrone Biggum's "Free Crack Party."

[chicagojoe]

9. How could this be topped ?!?!

[uhhuh]

3. Here it is

"Folks, I have spent the last year looking at the dangerous state of the world, and I explained again and again how my administration is the best suited to handle the threats we now face.

The truth is, I have no idea what I'm doing. I come and go where they tell me to. I have never made a single decision during my presidency, so that's why I can't think of any mistakes. Vice President Cheney tells me jump, and I jump. I still drink and use drugs, and I screw around with women other than my wife...men too.
If you people think that I care whether someone gets an abortion or not, you are an idiot. On the issue of gay marriage, I don't care, let 'em.
I am here to get your money and scare you so you don't complain about it.
John Kerry is a good and decent man. You should vote for him.
If God exists, I hope he blesses America. I wouldn't know. I haven't seen the inside of a bible since I was a kid.

I am going to drop my pants now and drool.( instruct him to drop his pants) Good night.

[0rganism]

6. You know how the network whores would spin that one, right?

"Bush showed us tonight that he is a man of Great Humility and Honesty, Respectful of his opponent and thoroughly Unashamed of his own Sexuality."

[Raster]

4. "I love the nightlife, I want to boogie, out on the disco floor, oh yeahhh

[Morning Dew]

5. The Monty Python Lumberjack song

as an ode to his Timber interests and crossdressing fetish.



I mean, some people say he has a crossdressing fetish.

[gonefishing]

12. I could go on all night with this one.

Bridgekeeper: Hee hee heh. Stop! What... is your name?
Dubya: It is 'Dubya', King of the Morons.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Dubya: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Dubya: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
Bridgekeeper: Huh? I-- I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!
Rove: How do know so much about swallows?
Dubya: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

[gonefishing]

7. He starts quoting the script from a Few Good Men.

Col. Jessup: You want answers?
Kaffee: I think I'm entitled.
Col. Jessup: You want answers?
Kaffee: I want the truth!
Col. Jessup: You can't handle the truth!

[IthinkThereforeIAM]

10. Mmmmm, mmm...

...mmmmmm.... Ritz!"

From Gene Wilder's and Mel Brook's "Young Frankenstein".

:smoke:

[punpirate]

13. A script along these lines....

Moderator: "Mr. President, what are your plans to control the deficit?"

Voice in his ear: "Go ahead, George, just try to answer this one, you fuckin' moron."

Bush: "We're gonna fix that real--"

V: "With what, you mental midget, a tire iron?"

B: "Shuddup, you motherf--"

M: "Uh, Mr. Presid--?"

B: "Let me finish, willya--"

V: "Finish what, like you finished your guard duty?"

B: "We're gonna take care of that by--"

V: "By raping everyone making less than a million a year, right?"

B: "By raping, uh, graping, uh, grapping, uh--"

V: "Grappling, George?"

B: "By grappling the problem with both hands..."

V: "Don't you wish you could do that with that peashooter of yours, George?"

B: "Who the fuck, uh, we're grappling, uh--"

M: "Uh, are you alright, Mr. President?"

V: "Doin' alright for a dictator, right, George?"

B: "Alright for a dictator--"

V: "Sieg heil, George..."

B: "Sieg heil, y'all."

M: (black screen) "We're having some technical difficulties. We'll be right back to the debates in a moment."

Etc., etc., etc.

[Eye and Monkey]

15. You might want to throw in "This is God, George. Yes, God."

LOL

[punpirate]

17. Yep, something along the lines of...

... "George, don't you recognize this voice? It's Jesus, George. You remember, the Prince of Peace, your favorite political philosopher? Now, if you're smart, you'll turn the other cheek."

B: {Bush turns his back to the camera and twitches his ass in what he imagines is in provocative fashion.)

J: "George, did I really make you that stupid, or did you get that way on your own? Now, embrace and love the poor."

B: "All around the country, OBGYNs can't practice, uh, uh, their luv with women."

J: "You're testing my patience, George. Remember the Pharisees?

B: "Everywhere I go, I see fairies, an' we gotta drive `em out of, uh, uh, uh...."

J: "Dad, I need some help here."


Yeah, lots of possibilities there. :P

[0rganism]

16. Reading only the bush lines out loud, I'm not sure I see a problem...

I mean, isn't that how he usually talks? If I were the moderator, I'd probably let it air. ;)

[AndyTiedye]

14. Full Confession of 9/11 MIHOP!

Lead into it by way of some of the PNAC rhetoric they already use,
then get into the "new Pearl Harbor" bit and you might be able
to get him to fess up before the nitwit realizes what he is saying.

[Zorra]

18. Whoever has taken control of the transmitter in the first debates is

already doing a fine job of destroying Bu$h.

Whoever it is must be electronically simulating Karl's voice, and is convincing enough to make Bu$h believe Karl is sending him instructions while at the same time making the instructions goofy enough to make Bu$h appear to be even more of a dork than he is.

[soothsayer]

21. "You're a failure. A slacker. Mom doesn't love you. Dad hates you.

Everyone knows you're incompetent. Your family is a mess. You suck." The voice of his subconcious...!