DU writers please critique my very first LTTE

[whodiedandmadeUSgod]

The Ultimate Flip Flop


On September 13, 2001, two days after the deadliest attack on American soil, our President George W. Bush stated, “The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him.” Six months later in March 2002 Bush said the following during a White House News Conference, “I don’t know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and don’t really care. It’s not that important. It’s not a priority.” I praise Senator Kerry for bringing this to our attention during the third Presidential debate. I find it appalling that Bush took his eye off the person whom attacked us on September 11, 2001 to pursue an invasion of Iraq. An invasion that cost lives of more then 1000 brave troops. I trust Senator Kerry to execute a more intelligent, effective war on the terror.

[LisaM]

1. Two tiny comments

I (but this is me) wouldn't refer to * as "our" President, and the second little tiny thing is that I would put a comma after "invasion of Iraq" rather than starting a new sentence there.

[whodiedandmadeUSgod]

2. Thank You

[nostamj]

4. lisa is correct

it's a sentance fragment now.

also, you might add that bush LAUGHED during that press conference...

[DjTj]

6. also, it should be THE lives of more thAn 1000 brave troops.

invasion of Iraq, an invasion that cost the lives of more than 1000 brave troops

[cliss]

3. Nice job, W.

:smoke: I agree with your post. And of course you're right: do they really believe we are all mentally retarded? What about all those family members from 9/11. What about them?

[Cleita]

5. My writer friends have always told me to

use separate paragraphs for quotes, although they were referrring to short stories and such. However, if the rule applies to non-fiction as well, you should have three paragraphs in your letter. Other than that it's fine. Very nice as a matter-of-fact. I hope they print it. :-)

[Jackpine Radical]

8. I don't think you need separate paras for quotes

in a piece like this. You DO want to change "the person whom" to "the person who."

Nicely done. Thanks for it.

[nostamj]

9. it's a good point.

visually, this would work best (and note the small typos I caught in the angle brackets <>:

On September 13, 2001, two days after the deadliest attack on American soil, our President George W. Bush stated:

“The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him.”

Six months later in March 2002 Bush said the following during a White House <Press> Conference:

“I don’t know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and don’t really care. It’s not that important. It’s not a priority.”

I praise Senator Kerry for bringing this to our attention during the third Presidential debate. I find it appalling that Bush took his eye off the person whom attacked us on September 11, 2001 to pursue an invasion of Iraq, an invasion that cost <the> lives of more th<a>n 1000 brave troops.

I trust Senator Kerry to execute a more intelligent, effective war on the terror.

[BeFree]

7. Bravo!

That ought to knock off the fence anyone who is still sitting on it.

Who knows, good for maybe ten, twenty votes? Bravo!

[B Calm]

10. Change the word who to whom and also the number 1000

should be spelled out.

[drunkdriver-in-chief]

11. I see 4 errors.

The "whom" between "person" and "attacked" should be "who". You should put "the" between "cost" and "lives". "Then" should be "than". Eliminate "the" between "on" and "terror".