An Observation about O'LIELLY and Others

[UTUSN]

In my work environment, sexual harassers were certainly a known quantity.

My observation was this: It's NEVER the dudes who can COMPETE on their own who are the harassers. That is, if all of us are at a bar, those of us who would have NO trouble picking somebody up on that level playing field would NOT be sexual harassers.

It was always the unattractive toads, who somehow (unaccountably) rose in power, who would do it. "It" being taking venal advantage of their power. Or toads with self-righteous (about others) hang-ups.

Sidebar: Before I get zapped on look-ism or weight-ism:: Attractiveness ain't looks-or-weight based.

In the local paper there's an item about a couple of toads who got nabbed in an FBI sting. Part of it was that they were doing favors in exchange for sex with young girls in the briber's private office.

I can't understand about toads like this, trading public favors for something they don't have the gumption to get on their own. The bars are crammed with EAGER gals. The toads could EASILY find something there, at NO cost to the public. Same goes with all kinds of offenders out there.

Is it that they think they are getting something for "free"? Or do they actually think they are "respectable" if they do stuff in a private setting as opposed to the "disreputable" bar setting?

Bottom line: It's always the most disgusting TOADS who do it.

[Vincardog]

1. If a good looking guy does it it is flirting if a 'toad' does it it is

harassment. I am not talking about serious stuff. I am talking about 'the way he makes' me feel stuff.

[plcdude]

2. I think that is a bit too simplistic

the quality and frequency of the communications and its contents is really the point. Attractive men can be and are harassers too.

[Hello_Kitty]

10. Actually, yeah

Because it's UNWANTED. Sorry, but I don't want attention (which so often turns into pressure and coercion) from men I consider unappealing anymore than you want it from similar woment. A lot of guys need to learn to read body language a little better in order to see that they are not getting a positive response from their behavior. It's those guys who whine "How come HE gets away with it and I don't!"

[Philostopher]

3. I can't agree with you, from my own experience, UTUSN.

But it may just be my experience. The men who've treated me like a piece of meat in many situations -- especially in employment -- have frequently been powerful, intelligent and attractive men with whom, if there was no expectation of fidelity on either side, I might have considered being involved if the transaction had been honest. That always made me sad -- that these were men I liked and respected, but lost that respect for when they said something that made me feel like they thought of me only as whatever body part they were complimenting.

But harassment isn't about sex, it's about power -- at least, again, in my anecdotal experience. It's about making the woman -- or man, in that percentage of cases where a man is the target of harassment -- feel powerless, objectified and frightened.

I also grant that we all have our own, private views about harassment. Not everybody knows what the line is -- some women hit that 'oh, crap, is he going to get me fired if I turn him down or complain?' point a whole lot earlier than others; context is also important. Ultimately, though, I think anything that unquestionably qualifies as harassment is intended to inspire fear in the target.

[UTUSN]

5. Thanks, Hadn't Thought about It from That Angle

Why would "attractive, intelligent" people be lacking in ("X") to need MORE?

[Philostopher]

9. I think it usually has more to do with fear and power hunger.

Some people 'get off' on being abusive, whatever they get out of it.

Harassers usually seem to have some primary binary relationship in their lives with a member of the other gender. They're not always sex-starved loners, in other words. Some lack confidence, though, and feel compelled to exert dominance. Some have a sort of fascination or addiction for the feeling they get when they manage to 'get a rise' out of someone or upset them. I can't imagine anybody has lived very long and not run into somebody like that. Some people just like to be nasty and make other people feel bad.

It may be some bizarre dynamic I create, too, with the way I interact with authority figures. I'm not impudent, but I don't stay with a job I'm not confident I can do well, struggle and feel inferior. I move along. In an ideal employment world, we'd all be able to do that -- but people get stuck when employment is tight, and become targets for those who want to play those kinds of games. They also get stuck when they're in fields where there are lots of lame jobs, but the good ones are few and far between -- like journalism, or some sectors of the entertainment industry -- and having anything on their resumes is essential to continuing to work in their chosen fields.

[havocmom]

4. Perhaps it is the power thing?

Rape is not really about sex. It is about power over someone else. Harassment of one's subordinates amounts to the same thing but they get to claim the 'harassee' did if voluntarily.

Harassment of subordinates = legalized soft porn rape. It is not the sort of action regular guys are into. Make no mistake, it is not just about getting sex.

[Mandate My Ass]

6. They're harboring deep feelings of worthlessness

so they won't try to engage in a relationship with a female unless they go into it assured of having the upper hand.

All bluster on the outside. Snivelling wimps on the inside.

[UTUSN]

7. Thanks, Monica_L-----------& Once Again, I Never Thought I'd Say That n/t

[Mandate My Ass]

8. Tee hee

you always crack me up with that line. :toast: