If you had to choose one of the following, which would you choose?

[Brian_Expat]

1) A life of connubial bliss with Candy Crowley;

2) Phone porn calls from Bill O'Reilly three times a day, every day, for the rest of your life;

3) A weekly night of passion with Anne Coulter and David Horowitz, described to the Rush Limbaugh Show as "a conservative meeting of the minds. . . and other body parts";

4) President George W. Bush, sworn in for a second term in 2004;

Which would you choose?

[UrbScotty]

1. #2: At least I can hang up on O'Reilly. (nt)

[alittlelark]

4. same here, the other options are just too horrific,

and I can just put the phone down when I get a call from DildO'rielly

[Brian_Expat]

2. For me. . .

I'd take option two. Straight men don't do phone sex very well and a homo like me would get a great deal of amusement from Bill's "love talk." ;)

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

9. I would agree that listening to DildO'Reilly would be icky

but probably pretty funny at the same time. This would be the least disgusting of the listed choices because you could laugh at him and hang up, and not have to see or touch him.

[Rowdyboy]

3. Phone calls from Dil dO'Reilly, happily

I would laugh and laugh and laugh...then hang up.

"Hey, Bill, that looks like a penis...only smaller!"

[Brian_Expat]

5. He'd say. . .

"Oh Rowdyboy, let me tell you about my dildo. It's shaped like. . ."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! *click*"

"Rowdy? Are you there? Rowdy? Hello? Answer me, you damn elitist liberal!!!"

[Must_B_Free]

11. "it IS a toothpick" - Cheech Marin

"Well I hope your dick's bigger than a toothpick, Man" - Tommy Chong

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

6. Ewww...

... or rubbing Bob Novakula's naked body with oil every morning, followed by an afternoon listening to George Will reading drafts of upcoming columns.

But even this would be better than another Bush term. Guess I'd have to take one for the team.

[Brian_Expat]

8. I wonder though. . .

. . . would rubbing up Mr. Novak allow him to grease his way through the Plame indictment? :P

[foo_bar]

7. I'd go with Candy

Maybe she'd change.

[whistle]

10. This is like George Bailey's dream about had he never lived....

...Bedford Falls becoming Pottersville in "It's A Wonderful Life", except the town sounds more like Dubyaberg or KKKrove City. Wake me before I vomit in my sleep!

[troubleinwinter]

12. #2 Hot calls, talking about it... and I tell him

to shove it up his ass til it comes out his eyeballs.