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Frequently Asked Questions
OK, like most young people, you're psyched about the possibility of a draft, but you weren't born yesterday. You were born 18-to-25 years ago. Therefore, you have questions. Ask away.
DOES GEORGE W. BUSH REALLY WANT A DRAFT?
Personally, probably not. He avoided the draft back when he was eligible, so it's not likely he'd suddenly be "for" a draft now.
THEN WHY WOULD HE BRING BACK THE DRAFT?
Bush has done a great job of starting wars to keep our troops busy -- 2 and counting so far, with Iran, Syria and North Korea coming soon to a war theatre near you! In fact, he's been so successful at starting wars, that we barely have enough troops to go around, even with the backdoor draft of forcing reservists to serve longer involuntarily, extending Marine enlistments involuntarily, and calling back once-retired soldiers to duty, involuntarily. Bush thinks starting wars is so much fun, he wants to share the excitement of war with all of us.
The Draft. Think of it as a Bush job creation program. A job offer you can't refuse.
YOU KEEP USING THE WORD "INVOLUNTARILY." I THOUGHT WE HAD AN ALL-VOLUNTEER ARMED FORCES.
We did. But remember how last year Bush flew onto that aircraft carrier and announced "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq? Well, we now have an "all-volunteer" military like our military had an "all-out" victory in Iraq 18 months ago.
BUT BUSH SAYS HE WON'T INSTITUTE A DRAFT. WHY SHOULD WE THINK HE WILL?
Because Bush says he won't institute a draft.
IS IT POSSIBLE HE JUST WON'T CALL IT A "DRAFT"? LIKE INSTEAD HE'LL GIVE IT SOME ORWELLIAN DOUBLESPEAK NAME?
Beware the "No 18-to-25-Year-Old Left Behind Act."
SERIOUSLY?
No, just kidding. Actually, it's Americans from age 18 to 34 who can expect to enjoy the new, improved, co-ed draft. That's right! Girls can enjoy the new draft, too. And, lucky folks with special skills like languages, computers, and healthcare can enjoy the draft up to the age of 44.
(Lucky dogs.)
DOES THAT MEAN WE MIGHT SERVE WITH JENNA AND BARBARA BUSH?
Absolutely. The Bushes would never use their connections to influence where or how a family member serves.
OK, SO BASED ON HIS RECORD, BUSH SEEMS LIKELY TO REINSTATE THE DRAFT. BUT ARE YOU IMPLYING THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH JOINING THE MILITARY?
Absolutely not. On the contrary, fighting to make America safer is perhaps the noblest endeavor an American can undertake. Unfortunately, the Bush administration hasn't quite figured out how to combine the "fighting" part with the "make America safer" part.
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