Another Stirring, Inspiring Photo Essay of George W. Bush

Crankie Avalon

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Tue Oct-26-04 07:49 AM
Original message

Another Stirring, Inspiring Photo Essay of George W. Bush

Edited on Tue Oct-26-04 08:10 AM by George W Bush

Dear Undergrounded Americans:

Sorry yer Commander-in-Chief hasn’t been around here in General Discussion as often as I should have, lately. As y’all can guess, I was purty goldarned busy earlier this month preparatin’ fer the debates. I know most o’ y’all are still against me, but I think even you would have to concede that I wuz at the height of my powders, so to speak, for all three of ‘em…so, all that hard, hard work shore was worth it.

To those of y’all who thought, before the debates, that I was jest a case of “the empty suit has no clothes”…well, I think I proved once and for all that this empty suit has jest as many clothes as anyone. Hell—more, even: Between my junior pilot’s suitypants, my adorable li’l cowboy outfit, and my old cheerleader’s uniform (the skirt of which your worked-out, training wheel peddlin’ President can still fit in jest fine, I’m proud to say), I’m really jest a loincloth and Indian Chief’s headdress away from being a one-man Village People tribute band!!!

YEEEEEEEHAAAAAH!!!

But I digressify. Well, don’t ask how I got it, but I’ve obtained some inside info that there’s literarily jest one more week left in this presidentiary election business. So, I figurated I’d take this moment to try one last time to change y’all’s minds and get ya to vote for yers truly by reminding ya of jest what my campaign and Administragion have meant to our nation with another inspiring photo essay.

I call it “Straight Over the Cliff—A Tribute to Leading with Resolunacy.”

Sincerestly,
X
George W Bush
President of these here United States

“…and, my fellow Merkans, if’n y’all give me another four years,
I pledge to fix it so’s yer daughters won’t so much as get the
chance to find out what one of those ‘Snoop-Doggy’ fellers even
looks like.”

“OK, be with ya in a minute, Jesus…just finishing up scamming
some more rubes, down here.”

"Yeah? Then maybe I will get one...how much protection would
ya say that thing gives ya when yer eatin' a pretzel or sumthin',
anyway?"

“Awwww, she’s been trained and drugged so good she can just
stare off and smile like that without sayin’ a word fer hours. Jealous?”

“How do ya expect a feller in my condition to walk a straight line
if ya keep hoverin’ like that? You’re worse than Highway Patrol!”

“So, that takes care of ‘Heart.’ Now, for ‘Soul,’ observate as I
dance the robot…”

“Ya wanna really hear something? Right now, the ports are unguarded, the
nucular plants are unsecured, and their kids are mortgaged to the Saudis and
Chinese, but the yahoos still call me the ‘Security President!!!’ HAHAHAHAHAH
…what d’ya mean I’m 'funny?' You mean the way I talk? Funny how? I mean,
what's funny about it? Whoa, whoa, Anthony, he’s a big boy, he knows what
he said…What'd ya say? I'm funny how? Like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make
you laugh? I'm here to f*ckin' amuse you? WHAT THE F*CK IS SO F*CKIN’
FUNNY, TELL ME…ya mudderf*cker, I almost had him!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Ya stuttering prick ya…was he shaking, Frankie?”

A couple of my supporters. Going backward (from right to left),
a good ol’ boy, his wife, and his sister…oh, and some blonde who
happened to be standing next to the two of ‘em.

Some Illinois students ‘standing’ with yers truly. Well, why not?
It's convenient enough, seeing as how my chickenhawk’s ass
won’t be standing in an Iraqi foxhole, either.

Waving to the crowd at another of my “W is for White Only” rallies.

Testing an idear I have for our nation’s healthcare with a woman
who cain’t afford to have an OB-GYN practicing his love on her:
“HEEEEEE-YAAAAL!!! Did y'all heal? No? Well, then, STAY
AFFLICTIONEDAAAHH!!!"

“Heebita jeebita…Satan, I cast thy spirit out of this creature…NOW!!!”

“Folks, I don’t usually cotton to urbanal areas much, but looking
at y’all in the crowd today, I guess your Pittsburgh must be a
whole lot like my Texas…YEEEEEEEEHAAAH!!!!”

Check it out, liberals…me and a bunch a childrens…black childrens
…soooooo, how much more sincere a display of “compassionateness”
do y’all want me to stage??? Now go Cheney yourselves!

“…then, suddenly, the jumbo jets started slamming into the
giant buildings…and right when that li’l rascal of a goat was
about to get him some o' Miss Yvonne’s cabbage patch, too!”

Me making the speech that stopped the whole UN dead in its
tracks, when every translator in the joint suddenly had to find
the right word in his or her language for "pre-emptorialize."

“Hydrogen powered??? What the f*ck, I was just kidding about
that shit!!! Look, my oil buddies and me say you need the next ten
years to research whether this thing is ‘100% viable,’ understand?”

“Cocaine? Where???”

“Top-o’-what-kinda map? This thing??? Well, shit, I thought it
was just some of that modern art crap.”

“…so, even though daddy voted in Congress to send
other people’s kids to Vietnasia, he made one phone call
and suddenly yers truly was set to continue supporting
the ‘war effort’ the same way I always had—from right
here at home! And that, folks, is the story of how I grew
the thing you see between my legs, today…

Lastly, a flash forward to January 20, 2005: Waving good-bye
to Amerka with my final legacy excreted onto the pages o’ history
and with my head held high…just like Nixon!