I am having a hard night- family members' behavior

[lady raven]

I am so certain that we are going to win tomorrow that I'm not even concerned about it, other than hoping to keep getting great vibes from the posts here and at johnkerry.com

What is FINALLY hitting me HARD tonight is the crappy things that * supporters around me are saying.

My mother, by discussion of the issues one by one, is CLEARLY in Kerry's world as far as her views. But she voted for *. In fact, earlier this evening, she grinned, did a little dance and gleefully "sang" that she canceled my vote.

I'm in Oklahoma. Frankly, I don't care at this point if she votes for * because he's going to win Oklahoma anyway. But her attitude was sickening. I am the one in the family who is political. No one else in my family is passionate about politics. My mother NEVER talks about politics with anyone. It's just not "her thing". However, despite being the only political one in the family, I have NEVER "rubbed their noses in it". I have lobbied for Kerry and other Democrats in a positive way, never going negative toward family members. SInce my mom doesn't talk politics, the only things she heard from me were discussions of an issue here and there or she overheard me talking to a third party.

For that reason, it cuts me to the core that she would act this way. It's not what she did- It's that she did it at all.

To ME, the message is "Ha ha- I voted against your future AND your son's" and it's thoroughly offensive to me.

Again, her vote is her business, but I would be lying if I said that the way she acted toward me tonight hasn't caused a rift.

That started me feeling upset about the behavior of other family members throughout this whole thing- All the anti- JK emails, which, if they were discussions of the issues from another point of view, would be fine. But they were the swift boat smears and other Urban legend garbage. And of course EVERY single email was forwarded to me. I forwarded things too, but ONLY positive Kerry things. NEVER negative Bush things.

Why is it that our "freeper" relatives put this garbage above their own family? I would absolutely NEVER change my views for anyone, but at least I treat THEM with respect.

Rebecca

[rockydem]

1. kind of a rude way for a mother to behave

[lady raven]

3. no kidding

It was a real slap in the face. At least I can feel good that I didn't return the favor.

[lady raven]

2. In case anyone is wondering.

I have no plans whatsoever to gloat tomorrow night or Wed. Maybe at the watch party I'll be attending, but not when I get home. I am determined to be the one in the family with some sense of class through this, despite the hurt feelings.

BTW, Freepers, this is just another example of how unChristian and unAmerican you really are.

[elehhhhna]

30. print your post and give it to her. later. n/t

[BamaBecky]

39. Excellent idea !!!

Give it to her a week from now.

[Sterling]

37. No, rub it in, make it hurt, and never stop.

This election is the first step to destroying the right wing. The battle has just started. To people like your mom politics is a cute game. Make sure it's just no fun to play anymore.

[intheflow]

4. I feel your pain.

Somehow Vietnam and Watergate turned me and my sisters solidly to the left, but Mom still is and will remain until her death a Republican. She has never gloated--though my father-in-law did after Bush Sr. beat Dukakis, which was my first political campaign. Agonizing!

Of course, my mother has her own passive-aggressive way of handling it: ignore emails and phone calls for months if they mention anything political; answer immediately if calling for any other reason.

AAARGH! Anyway, don't let it get you down. It's a generational thing, I'm sure.

[lady raven]

5. Thank you. I think things may be quiet between us for awhile

Oddly enough, my mom is a registered Democrat. She believes in gay marriage, reproductive rights, responsible taxation and spending, preservation of social security, civil rights, etc...

She is even angry that her son (a US Marine) might potentially go to Iraq if things continue as they are.

So you'd THINK she'd vote according to the issues. I have no idea why she would vote for *. Honestly. But it's the way she acted that has me so upset.

It's the way they ALL act. THEY are superior. THEY are more moral. THEIR vote "cancels ours out".

[Polly Glot]

17. Given her liberal views and Dem registration is it perhaps possible

that she indeed DID vote Dem but is just baiting you as a lame joke? I mean, I don't know your mom but if she has a sick, twisted sense of humor (like just about everyone in MY family, myself included) she just may well be leading you on.

In any event her bizarre gloating is certainly uncalled for in these tense days. I fervently hope that all the stress eases away here soon so we can put the divisiveness behind us.

[immoderate]

38. Well, your vote cancels HER'S out!

--IMM

[expatriate]

6. What your mother did is not just political. It's just plain rude.

I'm sorry that you had to put up with that, and she might not be up on her high horse come tomorrow.

Families can be hurtful at times, and very often, the mix of politics and family is absolutely poisonous. My own father, before his death, used to gloat over voting for the most obnoxious people, and made sure to rub my nose in it. I finally had to distance myself from him a great deal, and avoid any sort of political discussion with him.

It's hard when one is passionate about politics, and makes the effort to be an informed and thoughtful voter, to see people voting for the damndest dumb reasons, like:

"I've always voted Republican."
"I was born Republican."
"God is Republican."
"I go to Such And Such Church, and we're all Republicans."
"I think So And So Candidate is good looking."
"I voted against So And So Candidate because he's not good looking."

And on and on.

Keep your chin up, and don't let them get you down. I truly believe your mom will be singing a different tune after the votes are counted.

[SoCalDem]

7. There will come a time when something he has done will affect her

a "gentle" reminder will suffice..

Don't let her silliness upset you..

[lady raven]

12. I sure hope it's gentle!

Thanks to both of you. I sincerely hope that nothing like that happens, because I worry that the only thing that could make her see the light would be my brother going to Iraq, and I feel physically sick even thinking about that.

Ugh.

I doubt she'll gloat again after tomorrow. But her lack of respect was so disgusting to me, and like nothing I've seen from her before. Thankfully, once I'm done driving voters tomorrow, I'm going OUT OF TOWN for a watch party and maybe I can forget about this for awhile.

Rebecca

[eleny]

8. well, bush can bring out the worst in good people

after kerry wins the election, perhaps you won't care what happened today.

[Safi]

9. Move...

Get out of Oklahoma. In twenty years we will have all the Tom Delay's and Ralph Reed's sequestered there, with plenty of lesbian porno for entertainment.

I'd get out before the Great Emigration.

-Safi

[lady raven]

13. lol

Believe me, I've thought about it. Finances won't allow at the moment. But as soon as they do, I can assure you that we will be moving to a slightly less hostile area!

[Lexingtonian]

10. how sad and immature of them

It sounds, all political stuff aside, that you're being the real adult in this household.
Ability to deal with uncertainty, able to give care, willingness to be wise and have the integrity of it.... Hang in there with these folks as long as you can, they need you far more than you need them.

[lady raven]

14. Wow

That was very kind of you- Thank you.

[Seabiscuit]

11. I feel for you, and feel for your desire to respect your mom,

but when she disrepects you like that, for no good reason, knowing full well how committed you are politically, you have every reason to let her know in no uncertain terms how she made you feel, and ask her to begin showing you the same respect she expects in return.

Such relatives can be very hurtful. Not much one can do about them but let them know when they hurt your feelings with such inappropriate and thoughtless behavior. Let her know it's not so much about politics as how it impacts your bond with her on a personal level.

[lady raven]

15. great advice

This is very good advice. I'm not quite up to it just yet, but this only happened 5 hours ago. I hope that after the election, my raw nerves will be healed a bit and I'll be able to tell her firmly but in a civil tone how I felt about what happened tonight.

On a happier note, we are going to Oklahoma City to the State Democratic Party Watch party tomorrow night, so my crappy feelings tonight should be replaced with something much nicer very soon.

I can only imagine if I were a freeper posting that my Kerry- voting mother did this. They'd be saying the most hateful things- none of them constructive.

[Seabiscuit]

16. Bless you, and best of luck dealing with your mom.

[Is It Fascism Yet]

18. Sorry Rebecca

I know how you feel, honey, I am sorry. I also have family members I am very angry with for the same reasons. Two neocon nephews I don't care if I ever speak to again. Anybody that wouldn't help me vote our own little Caligula out of office is no longer in my universe.

[DiverDave]

19. My mother is voting for *

no amount of facts would budge her.
She didn't act this way, though.
You need to tell her that she hurt your feelings and that in the future she needs to think of that before she says anything.

[Snotcicles]

20. You should copy your post and send it to the haters n/t

[BensMom]

21. It's hard

I have family members like that, too. For every email I get I send 2 back out. Not sitting quietly any more.

And mothers....well I know from my own mom what behaviors and parenting skills I don't ever want in my life.

I lived in OKC for a couple years. During Bellman's term, politics on the state level -what a mess! My friends had a party for us our first week in OKC and showed the Silkwood movie....enough said.

Hang with those democrats. They will be your lifeline.

Good Luck to you.
And the ole yada line, "You are building strength and character..."

[meg]

22. That happened to me the first time I voted in 1968

The 60s were hard political years and 1968 was one of the worst. I took my job as a new voter seriously and did my homework the whole year. My mother and her best friend were Republicans. Her best friend said "Na Na we won' we Nixon won. I remeber thinking she really didn't get it. It wasn't a football game and electing a bad president is horrible for everyone.

[flygal]

23. One reason I don't plan on gloating...

is we have a lot of hard work to do to fix things. It's not going to be a party. Kerry is one hell of a man for taking on this challenge. But, ever since he kicked the faux reporter off his plane, I have great faith in him.

[MAINELEFTY]

24. My mother is the same way and the unfortunate

side effect of the whole process is that I have lost a lifetime of respect for her and we rarely speak anymore. I don't even associate with old repug friends anymore as the last four years have shown them to be morally bankrupt.

[Straight Shooter]

41. Another sterling example of the "I'm a uniter, not a divider" bush

I think we all understand the Civil War a little better now, and how friends and family ended up on opposite sides, shooting at one another.

[Darth_Kitten]

25. Kind of an odd and unnatural way for a mother to act.

Does she have a grudge against the world? :shrug: She votes for Bush out of spite? Why?

After the election, I'd spell it out quite clearly to "Mom" just how hurtful and mean her actions were. A mother doesn't act that way. Sorry but this goes beyond politics, you should be respected for your views and not TAUNTED with them. :( Demand that you be treated better in the future, that is your right.

Your mother was way out of line. :(

[ibegurpard]

26. That's the kind of behavior that belongs with "politics as usual"

And my family has done it as well. It seems to me that your family is ignorant of how much is at stake because they wouldn't be doing it if they realized that. All of the gloating and ribbing that has occurred in my family in the past is NOT happening this year. They know that I wouldn't speak to them indefinitely if they did it.

[GinaMaria]

27. How sad

That's not the support we expect from a parent. I agree with other posters who point out that you are the adult in this situation.

My MIL had a different reaction than your mother. My SIL is very political. She went out canvassing in swing states. Her mom asked what she wanted for her birthday. My SIL wanted help canvassing neighborhoods, so that's what my MIL did for my SIL's birthday. She even brought her husband and they canvassed in Wisconsin for the whole day with my SIL. Wasn't that the perfect gift for a political daughter? No matter what my MIL believes, she puts her kids first.

I should mention that MIL is from the Bible Belt.

I'm sending you a hug. I'm sorry you have reversed roles with your mom (parent/child). Hope you can smooth things out over the next few weeks.

I think you might need to tell her how you felt before the holidays so that you can enjoy yourself.

Best to you,
Gina

[Media_Lies_Daily]

28. Hate to say this, but your Mom's been feeding you a line about...

..."being in Kerry's camp". Nobody would have acted the way she did without having some strong feelings about supporting El Chimpo.

You need to deal with the fact that NeoCon supporters are willing to do and say anything to support their views...even if it means stringing you along.

Let this be a lesson for you...those people will never learn until they get their noses rubbed in it. Repeatedly.

Just call me Dr. Phil today...tough love, baby, tough love.

[The Zanti Regent]

29. My family is brainwashed by the ASSemblies of GAWD

The Invisible Cloud Being PERSONALLY told them to go to Ohio and campaign for God's Man and Issue #1. You see, even though many of them barely get by, and some have had their jobs go overseas, it's more important for them to stop gays and lesbians from getting married because their stupid little storybook tells them it's a no-no.

[The Flaming Red Head]

32. Are they straining at gnats while swallowing elephants? n/t

[smbolisnch]

31. That sucks

Rebecca,
I had a similar problem with my dad yesterday, which is when I had enough. I called him and we agreed to disagree and NEVER discuss politics again. Family is just too important, IMO. Your mom probably just doesn't realize how important it is to you. If it isn't to her, she just can't understand it. I know that's how it is with my parents. I have decided that family and politics just don't mix. Keep your head up.....this is almost over and Kerry's election will be your peace with this! Don't let it come between you. Just my humble opinion!

[sendero]

33. This is about....

.. issues with the relationship with your mom more than it is about politics IMHO.

There must be some resentment between you. Maybe you could talk to her and try to heal it.

[dddem]

34. The trick is not to make it about you and your sons,

but to make it personal. My mother considers herself an independent, but when I talked to her yesterday, she still wasn't sure. She explained that although she was leaning toward Kerry, sometimes when * spoke, he made sense to her (My mother is very easily influenced, as I suspect many of our elderly parents can be).
I asked her if she enjoyed her SS checks, and her insurance coverage. I explained that * wanted to privatize SS, and she thanked me for setting her straight. People need to know "What's in it for me?".

[kayell]

35. They send you attacks because they didn't have ANYTHING

positive about *. What's the poor shrub to do? Run on his OWN record? Hahahaha

[AspenRose]

46. That's true

Last week I was visiting my in-laws in New Hampshire. My husband and the majority of his family are republican/conservative. I am the democrat; my 17-year-old SIL voted for Nader in the 'school' election.

So we're driving to the airport getting ready to leave and FIL asks his daughter (my SIL) about the election and what she thought about Bush v. Kerry, making sure to bring up everything he thought was wrong with Kerry.

Eventually I spoke up and said, "Well, what about what is wrong with BUSH? Let's take a look at HIS track record, now, shall we?"

Republicans are so focused on "Kerry's this" and "Kerry's that" because it purposefully distracts them from how DISASTROUS Bush is. The knee-jerk neocons don't WANT to think about that; the genuine old-school republicans HAVE thought about it, and those are the ones either staying home or voting for Kerry. It's the neocon M.O. to prevent democrats from actually getting things DONE if they attack, attack, attack.

That's why I am in awe of Bill Clinton, that he was able to accomplish the things he did DESPITE the CONSTANT, relentless attacking.

[prayin4rain]

36. I am sorry that is awful.

I have some friends like that (of course I am like that to them too though :evilgrin:). Luckily no family who are voting for *.

[Straight Shooter]

40. Wow. That's just amazingly low. I guess oil is thicker than blood.

What a downer. She did a little dance about canceling her vote? Jeebus. That's spiteful, and sounds exactly like a Repub.

Still shaking my head in wonder over here.

Hang in there, Rebecca. Good Lord willing and the creek don't rise, you'll be doing the dancing tomorrow.

[leftofthedial]

42. they rely on assholes

that's their base

[Beam Me Up]

43. I can appreciate your respectfulness but, unfortunately

it isn't an effective tool. I come from a "freeper" (born again Christian) family myself. Unlike you, I have been very outspoken in opposition to their political points of view. Did this effectively make a difference in how they see things? No, it didn't. However, it made it clear to them where *I* stood on many issues and repeatedly events have vindicated my stand that goes back at least as far as Nixon. Both my parents are gone now and, interestingly, before they died both of them apologized to me for certain negative attitudes toward me personally they had expressed. Ultimately both of them realized that although we disagreed about a lot of things, they admired my outspoken persistence, my willingness to admit when I was wrong and my ability to see things more clearly than they often did. My dad gave me an apology on his death bed.

!!

[GreenPartyVoter]

44. Maybe your mother thought she was lightening the mood?

If not, I would just opt to not speak with her for a while. Just til you cool down and can talk things over with her.

------------------------------------------------
Would Jesus love a liberal? You bet!
http://www.geocities.com/greenpartyvoter/

[BUSHOUT]

45. Mothers have to be forgiven for treating daughters like shit.

Otherwise all daughters would hold grudges that waste time between loved ones.

Tell her in no uncertain terms how it made you feel, but don't get angry or take it too personally.
Let her know you would never do that to her, you have more respect for her than that.

[AspenRose]

47. Perhaps, but it goes both ways

I am reminded of John Mayer's song "Daughters":

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters, too