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I was thinking of sending this to my local newspaper (the Cincy Enquirer). They have never published other letter I have sent them- perhaps they will publish this one.
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My fellow Republicans,
We should rejoice in the great victory of the Leader, George W. Bush, over the most liberal senator of our time, John Forbes Kerry. The Leader will surely show us to the Promised Land now that we have won for him four more years!
Our work is just beginning. This election we have put an end to the scourge of gay marriage in many of the noblest states of our Republican Empire. And I believe that has put us in good standing with Jesus. But we need to go farther- we need to end the perversity of gay adoption, we need to end the perversity of gay school teachers, and we need to end the perversity of gay public officials. We cannot afford to allow these homosexuals to tell our children or us that it is all right to love another person of the same sex.
We need to get rid of these misguided social(ist) programs the liberals have foisted on us in order to get the minority vote. Those social(ist) programs encourage the poor and lazy to stay poor and lazy. Those social(ist) programs hurt us by adding to our federal debt and by taking money out of the pockets of hard working employers and businessmen. Those social(ist) programs suck dry our public coffers, leaving too little money for our wars against the Arab non-believers and for the much needed tax relief to our wealthiest and therefore, most productive citizens.
We Republicans need to strive to establish a more fair tax system that rewards the people who are most successful in society. There is no better way to reward successful billionaires and multimillionaires than to give them a nice hefty tax return as a thank you for services rendered. If we continue to punish the wealthy with the high taxes they now pay, they will have no motivation to continue running America’s businesses and will instead retire to Tahiti or St. Thomas and will take their money with them, thus enriching the local economies of some third-world island rather than generously sharing their great wealth with the Republican Party.
We need to raise the taxes on the poor and unemployed in recognition that they are the ones who use the social programs. We should reduce corporate taxes for businesses since these businesses are already penalized by having to pay an outrageously high minimum wage of $5.15 an hour. People need to be made to understand that companies like Walmart cannot afford to give their employees health care because the minimum wage is too high (and because trial lawyers have driven up health insurance costs).
We need to turn back the clock on other liberal excesses. Liberals take advantage of “Get Out the Vote” to encourage the poor, the unemployed, immigrants, unwed mothers, homosexuals, and other bottom-feeders of our society to vote against what we hold as right and decent. How can people who can’t live morally or who can’t save enough money to invest in the stock market be trusted to vote for President? Why should people who don’t even have a job be able to decide who gets the most important job in the land?
Liberals also like to take advantage of the activist judges in federal courts in order to kick God out of our public schools and to force our children to have to learn about the unproven and anti-Biblical theory of evolution. If we don’t stop Liberals, they will force our churches to wed homosexuals and will prevent our churches and church leaders from working to elect good Christian men to public office. That would be un-American as well as a sin against Jesus.
We also need to end the tyranny of Affirmative Action and other programs giving preference and entitlements to minorities. We live in a free society and nobody is preventing those people from being successful dishwashers, garbage men, or janitors. If they can’t succeed at those fields it’s because the public schools have failed them, not because of any “racism” on our part. We shouldn’t have to cater to lazy or un-ambitious people but we need to be concerned about the minority vote. Remember that there were times when we didn’t need to worry about the minority vote because they didn’t have a vote.
Finally, we need to pray daily, if not more frequently, for the Leader so he can overcome the evil forces of democracy who want to keep him from working on his God-given agenda for the American Republic. These liberal forces of democracy have proven they will stop at nothing to prevent the Leader’s work- they went so far as to oppose the Leader in this election and I don’t doubt they will do so again in 2008. We must stop them now, once and for all. We cannot afford to have a party that opposes our values and goals for the Fatherland. The future begins today- join me in swearing an oath of allegiance to the Leader, George W. Bush.
Mack E. Avelli
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What do you think? Was that good for a few laughs?
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