I am really George W. Bush!

[brainshrub]

Yes, it's true. I George W. Bush have been a secret troll under the guise of 'Brainshrub.' Hahahaha!

If you have any questions on how I will handle the many problems facing America, I will answer them here.

[Goldom]

1. How will you defend America

from yourself?

[brainshrub]

11. My buddies in the media will deny anything is wrong in the first place.

The best defense against reality is ignorance.

[calico1]

2. No you're not!

You can spell and write complete sentences!

[brainshrub]

13. Actually, I can't. That's why Jesus invented spell-check just for me.

That and Rove is busy checking my diction for me before I post replies.

[Catherine Vincent]

3. You can't be dumbya because you don't answer jack SHIT!

LOL!

[brainshrub]

15. Just more proof that I am who I say I am.

[sui generis]

4. I am going to send you a pretzel gift basket

please eat it all in one sitting.

[brainshrub]

16. Please send some beer to wash it down.

My staff hides all the good stuff.

[ixion]

5. what's it like to be a delusional, psychotic narcissist?

just curious. :evilgrin:

[brainshrub]

17. The voices in my head tell me it's great!

Oh wait... that was the transmitter on my back.

[demnan]

6. Fire Cheney

then resign.

[brainshrub]

18. I can't fire my own boss.

[Cat Atomic]

7. I'm honored you chose THIS internet, and not one of those OTHER internets!

[LuCifer]

10. LMFAO!!!!

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, and the ohter person who mentioned that "W" can spell and shit properly, well, maybe he used SPELLCHECK?! Maybe Andrew Card and Rover proof read it? Or, Laura? Hey, school teacher ya know...and how's her boyfiend that she ran over and killed doing?

Inquiring minds wanna know!

Lu

[brainshrub]

38. I don't understand your post.

The minute I do I'll have one of my advisers tell me what to think.

[brainshrub]

20. Well my last internet was a typewriter.

I was wondering for the longest time why it wouldn't let me download porn.

[merh]

42. Was it an IBM selectric from the 70's

with type similiar (looks like) Microsoft Word?

[brainshrub]

45. It was exactly the same type that my old base commander used

when I decided to go AWOL during a coke-binge.

Ah, good times. Good times.

[LuCifer]

8. Hey W, I have a question fer ya!

Like my mohawk?

[brainshrub]

22. You look like one my daughters after a drinking binge.

But yes, I like it.

Ashcroft also loves it b/c it makes you easily recognizable from the cameras he put around your house last week.

[msturgis524]

9. It must be true

You haven't answered any questions.

[brainshrub]

30. I was trying out these great new outfits for offical events

What do you think:

[Hello_Kitty]

12. How many 'Internets' are there?

[brainshrub]

23. The typewriter was my first.

Then the little angles who tell me what to do showed me another internet where all I have to do to log in was lick these toads that live around my ranch in Crawford. (That's why I keep going there.)

As far as I know this is the third internet I know of. I'm happy that the internet is on computers now.

[HughBeaumont]

14. You spelled every word correctly.

You're an impostor!

Just in case, did you know your wife's smile is permanently nailed to her robot face and your daughter takes more loads than an average WalMart?

[brainshrub]

25. Jesus taught me how to use spell-check.

Wouldn't you smile like that if you had to sleep with me?

If my daddy wasn't rich, my daughter and I would both be working at Wal-Mart right now.

[olddem43]

19. Is it true that you eat shit and bark at the moon?

[brainshrub]

26. Yes. But only when Dick tells me to.

It's a Skull & Bones thing.

[calico1]

21. So tell me then,

Do your daughters get drunk as much as you do? And have they run anyone over yet?

[brainshrub]

27. They are much more into Roofies than alchohol.

And they haven't run over anyone who mattered.

[HamdenRice]

24. He W, I have a SERIOUS question for ya

Like, uhm, when you know the rapture comes and stuff? And all the Christians disappear and stuff? And the Jews got to choose to convert or go to hell? Well, like when the clouds open up and Jesus comes down out of the sky over Jerusalem, are you going to be like sitting next to Him or hanging out with Him and stuff for a while in the Temple? Or are you going up with the rapture right away. I mean if your like the annointed one and stuff, don't you get to hang out with Jesus and do some cool stuff and stuff? That's the part that I can't understand.

Also, if there's like a nuclear explosion over Israel and stuff, doesn't that have to be before the Temple is built? Because wouldn't the bomb like blow up the Temple if you have to build the Temple to cause armegedon? Or is the Temple going to be like built of kryptonite and stuff so it can withstand the nuclear bomb?

Waiting patiently to hear your explanation,

Rufus

[brainshrub]

28. I'm glad your patient,

because it took me a while to make sure I used enough bold faced, italicized words.

The Rapture came and went about 40 years after Christ died. We are all living in a hell-on-earth. How else would you explain Pauli Shore, Easter Peeps and Dick Cheney?

According to the voices in my head, the only people who got raptured back then was a small band of Jewish nudists, and a stoner named 'Carl.' All that other rapture crap was made up by Gutenberg after the local Church refused to grant him any indulgences for printing the bible.

Personally, I don't give a crap about what goes on in Israel. To many Jews there.

[Garbo 2004]

66. Ah, just as I thought! That explains a lot of things, especially Peeps.

:D

[neebob]

68. I like Peeps

but only the pink, yellow, and white ones that have always been around ever since I can remember - not these new purple and blue ones. It kind of seems like something is wrong with them. I'm afraid to eat them. Do you know if it's safe?

I'd really rather you just get rid of them, but if you tell me it's OK I will eat them.

[Bragi]

29. I'm from Canada, George...

I'm wondering if you have any plans for all those blue states along our border. Are we in danger of cross-border moral contamination?

Also, can you maybe open up a fortified highway corridor for us in case we want to visit snake-handlers in red states?

- B

[brainshrub]

31. Yes, you are in mortal danger!

Your proximity to the blue states has made your own government a socialist Islamo-fasist state! You probably harbor terrorists with WMDs.

The fact that there is a pending fresh-water shortage has nothing to do with the fact that we are going to invade ... er ... liberate you.

[spooky3]

32. Mr. President, is Newsman Matt Drudge actually writing your responses?

[brainshrub]

35. No, it really is me. I'm just writing from the heart.

Or, at least I would if I had one.

[catbert836]

33. Who's making your decisions?

Is it Karl or Dick?

[brainshrub]

36. Dick. It's all about the Dick.

Like most Bushes, I love Dick.

[notadmblnd]

48. so do you spit or swallow?

nt

[brainshrub]

50. I'm not sure I understand the question.

But, when it comes to what my boss Dick says, I swallow everything.

[notadmblnd]

51. It's not that complicated

I've been asked many times..
Do you spit or do you swallow? Some people don't like the taste and spit it out, others love to swallow. you must really be who you said you are so I'll give you another clue, it's all about how much you love dick.

[brainshrub]

52. I really do love Dick, but I'm still confused.

I asked Dick a few minutes ago what you meant by that last comment.

To my surprise he told me to hire you on an an intern if you swallow. I think that's what Jesus would want.

[notadmblnd]

53. He'd have to be willing to meet my price.

resignations from both him and you along the rest of your evil minions. It would be a great personal sacrifice but yeah, sure, I would swallow for that. Just don't make me promise to keep it down.

[brainshrub]

56. I'll let him know.

But I doubt he needs you to swallow anything since we've got the whole nation swallowing the lie that we won the popular vote.

[notadmblnd]

60. geesh, I was kinda looking forward to saving the country and all

if he changes his mind, you know where to find me.

[Name removed]

34. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[brainshrub]

37. That's a filthy lie!

But my fathers penis does taste like cottage cheese.

I don't know why. :shrug:

[jeningermany]

40. thanks for ruining a very funny thread

It's called sexism. Maybe you should look it up.

[brainshrub]

47. Ah, but most of the fun of being a troll is in ruining threads.

BTW: Welcome to DU! :toast:

Enjoy this site while you can... we plan to make this place illegal in a few years. (DU is a national security risk.)

[Abelman]

39. Oh, you old rascal!

Your chicanery has sure fooled me!

[brainshrub]

44. Don't feel bad, I've been fooling 45% of the electorate for years.

[Aunt Anti-bush]

41. Health care.

What will you do for people like me who have no healthcare? My son has a pretty damn bad cold right now and I can't take him to a doctor because we have no money left at the end of all of our bills. I am not ALLOWED to keep him home from school thanks to your No Child Left Behind act. The principal told me to send him in sick and they'll call me in to pick him up once he's there and registered as in attendance. TELL ME! What will you do for us Mr. Resident???

[brainshrub]

43. Have him take two tax cuts and call me in the morning.

With the extra tax-savings, you could buy gas for your SUV to drive to a local Christain faith-healer.

[HappinessPie]

46. I have a question: Why don't you SIT AND SPIN on your own finger????

[brainshrub]

49. Putting things in my anus is my specialty!

Where do you think I normally put the transmitter?

[captain disgruntled]

54. Dear Mr. President,

I am very concerned about flu season this year. Since you plainly haven't any extra brain cells to spare to a dangerous fever, how do you plan to avoid contracting the flu, given that the outsourcing of the regular supply of flu vaccine didn't go so well, and the medications that are dispensed in that evil bastion of socialism Canada where the government supervises your medical care may well come from filthy third world factories?

Sorry that last sentence was so long.

[brainshrub]

61. With a tax cut!

Tax cuts cure the flu, clear acne and help you lose weight.

All your health woes can be fixed with a tax cut, that's why it's the centerpiece of my administrations health-plan for America.


BTW: Apology accepted.

[strategery blunder]

55. Why are we bombing innocent fetuses, er, I mean children, in Iraq?

[brainshrub]

58. Hey, it's their own fault!

They shouldn't have been born near all that oil!

Let this be a lesson for you kids: Be sure you're born rich, white and grow up to be a lawyer.

[greenbriar]

57. go fuck yourself

answer that dickweed

[brainshrub]

62. Here you go:

I'm kinda busy fucking the Iraqis, the sick, the elderly, the veterans, Democracy, future taxpayers and the environment.

When my brother takes over in 2008, I'll try to fit into my itinerary.

[mtnsnake]

59. Mr President, I've heard rumors that one of the reasons you're so dumb

is because you always had problems with spelling when you were a youth.

Is it true that it took you until the 11th grade to learn how to spell your middle initial correctly?

[brainshrub]

63. Yes, but to be fair in the elite schools I attended,

we didn't speak or write English. Wealthy criminal families like mine speak Pig Latin. It's a secret language that you commoners simply wouldn't understand.
Here's a sample:

"Iway ancay oday anythingway Iway antway andway ouyay antcay opstay emay."

Don't bother trying to translate it, as you can see...it's far to complicated for your simple child-like minds to grasp.

[FuzzySlippers]

64. Mr. President,

When are you going to stop pulling the legs off of kittens for fun?

[brainshrub]

65. When Dean stops eating Kitten Fetuses.

Fair is fair.

[kilaana]

67. One word

Mr. President, Sir.

I have but one word:




"nuclear"






C'mon. You can say it. I know that you can.

[brainshrub]

70. New - clee - ers. (Darn)

Moo-clee-er (Drat)

Neu-nu-cla-er (One more time)

Nu-clr. (Forget it!)

Well, at least I have four more years to practice. :D

[neebob]

69. Oh, and can you tell me what happened to my avatar?

Is Spongebob a national security risk or what? Did he threaten you? Make you fall off of your bike? Or did he join the Army and go to Iraq to spread freedom and democracy?

I'm trying to think for myself here. It's hard work!

[brainshrub]

71. The Spongebob Squarepants show is a danger to America. Here's why:

Freud, a well-known Jesus hater and "scientist", developed a model of human psychology independent of Christian fundamentalism. His ideology must be opposed.
According to Freud, the human psyche is divided into three parts: The Id, the Ego and the Super Ego.

The Id mainly concerned with our primal needs such as food, sleep and sex.
Please note that Patrick Starr, Spongebob's best friend, is mainly interested in food, sleep and his head is shaped like a penis.



The Ego is the analytical, self-critiquing part of your personality. It is constantly trying to control your immediate environment with judgments about right and wrong.
Note that Squidward, Spongebob's neighbor, is a hyper-analytical artist whose rectangular eyes cast judgment on all around him. Like the Ego, he has many tentacles.



The Super Ego is your true creative self. Artistic and child-like. Spongebob meets that ideal perfectly.



So you see, the Spongebob Squarepants show is really about embedding into our children the humanistic ideals of secularism over the spiritual teaching of Jesus.

With such a threat to the children of America, and now that I have a clear mandate from the people; I pulled some strings to get rid of your avatar.

You can thank me later.

[neebob]

72. Thank you so much for protecting the children, Mr. President.

You are even smarter than I thought! I never would have noticed all that about Spongebob and his friends - except for Patrick's head being shaped like that. I knew it reminded me of something; I just didn't know what.

Now I think know why you sat in that classroom reading My Pet Goat on September 11th. You must have been noticing how it was secretly threatening those kids and figuring out what to do about it.

In the future I will try to choose an avatar that is not threatening children. Rarely is the question asked, is our children being threatened? I'm so glad we have you to think about stuff like that.