I just severed all ties with my Rethuglican parents

[EnfantTerrible]

We used to have a gag-rule on politics, but that went out the window when my mother asked if I was going to congratulate her on the Asshole Bush's victory. This led to a 40 minute argument which climaxed with me severing the ties. I'm shaking with anger and yet I feel liberated. This has been brewing for the past four years and has become especially hot over the last 6 months to the point where I want no more to do with them. I don't know who they are anymore and they definitely don't recognize me. I can't reconcile what they believe, what they sanction by supporting this Fascist reigime, and the fact that we are biologically tied to one another. I believe a person IS what they believe and therefore I no longer want myself, my 13 month old daughter, or my wife exposed to the Republican doctrine of hate simply because I am related to them. I wouldn't want anything to do with STRANGERS who support this administration and just because they're my parents doesn't change that for me.

Just needed to get this out.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

1. Tough stuff.

I hope all of you find a way to heal. Someday.

[lancdem]

2. Did they used to be Dems?

[EnfantTerrible]

i have no idea

Not officially Dems. They couldn't vote for most of my life. They're naturalized citizens. They became "born-again Rethugs" during the Reagan years and avid Limbaugh listeners.
Before they found the right their ideology seemed to be somewhat left of center.

[CrispyQ]

41. Limbaugh has fucked up alot of people!

My mother used to be a dem. Then she started listening to rush & I could see changes in her within a few months. Over the years I've listened to her spew & wonder who the hell has possessed my mother. The past 2 years she listens only to fox, rush & o'riely & I don't even recognize the woman who raised me. She has been strangely silent since Nov 2 & I'm not about to reach out to her.

I'm so sorry to hear about this unfortunate incident, but I agree with you completely. This is no longer 'just politics', it's how you view the world & your part in it.

Hugs to you & your family for the anguish Mr.-I'm-a-Uniter-Not-a-Divider has caused.

[neebob]

52. Are you me?

Same story, except that I do recognize the woman who raised me. I just don't remember her being a total raving lunatic that I couldn't even stand to talk to.

There's a lot more to it than politics, as another poster suggests below, and I do feel like trying to straighten out the part for which I feel responsible - that is, being too honest about my dad (who died in April 2003) and the Mormon church. I could have kept those feelings to myself and been just fine.

The thing is, I know it will only make things worse because I've tried to straighten it out and it only got worse, so I haven't reached out either. She simply won't accept or even try to consider any other point of view. She believes I'm bad for criticizing Mr. I'm-a-Uniter-Not-a-Divider. I despise him, but neither he nor Rush nor O'Reilly is responsible for my mother's insanity.

[jdj]

93. I am so there as well. they haven't said word one about this

I have been the only one to say anything, which was "I am sick of republicans stealing elections." This election was devastating for the environment, and with a three fold increase in childhood ashtma since 1980, it is their grandchild who will be breathing our polluted air.

If I had a child, I don't know how in the world I could take it. The night of the election I was ready to get in my car and drive to the first blue state i could find. But I have 4 pets, and it wouldn't work.

My family has all drank the kool-aid, they are fundies and they will reap what they sow. If anything happens to my draft-age nephews because of them, I will NEVER let them forget it. NEVER.

[Hello_Kitty]

3. Normally I would say you should try to mend things

But right now I can't blame you at all.

[dorktv]

4. sorry to hear that...but I understand.

[Southpaw Bookworm]

5. (((Qst4Q)))

I'm a firm believer in not having poison people in your life, whether there are blood ties or not, hence the reason I go home only once every few months for a weekend.

When your baby grows up to be a caring adult who accepts people and loves peace, you'll see that the decision was probably the right one for your family.

[mindfulNJ]

6. I'm sorry.

I understand...Our family is going through similar problems with my husband's parents. Let's hope that they'll see the error of their ways as Bush drives this country into the ground in the next four years.

[MUSTANG_2004]

7. It's not the politics

Voting for different candidates doesn't account for cutting off all contact between your daughter and her grandparents. It seems that you have something more going on between you and your parents than you're saying....

[Rose Siding]

18. This election was bigger than politics

It was about identity and varying realities. The Bushies *admit* they are creating a new reality (Suskind)

And while everything to do with families involves more than what is on the surface of a break, I certainly wouldn't minimize this as a catalyst.

[blue sky at night]

19. I think you miss the point.

When someone shows such patent disregard for the good of our country, you have to TAKE A STAND. Try it sometime.....did you have a bumpersticker, or a yard sign, or did you knock on a door, have a real discussion with a republican, or perhaps you were worried someone might be offended??? someone might harm your car, thats why we are losers, people won't stand up and say I ain't takin it no more.

[spooky3]

54. The other point is, what kind of people would "rub it in"

when they know their son or daughter is already very upset about the election? What he's reacting to may be as much their lack of concern for his feelings and lack of respect for his views as anything else. Without that, you can't have a relationship.

[Ilsa]

72. You are so right Spooky.

It is one thing for a Congratulations to be offered. Asking for one is like asking for an invitation or compliment - it's socially unacceptable. That they would press for that shows they have no regard for feelings. Where's their Christianity in that?

Wait; give it time. Maybe they will want to make amends and you can re-establish some boundaries so that you have something of a relationship again.

[EnfantTerrible]

73. Agreed

I am responding as much to that. And that is also one of the major byproducts of their ideology to which I am adamantly opposed. It goes to the point I was making that we are what we believe.

[EnfantTerrible]

25. You're right

It's about IDEOLOGY. It's about what one believes in. Politics are just the game that's played to further that ideology. So, no, it's not entirely about this election... but what this election represents.

[jdj]

97. And don't think they won't try to slip that ideology into your daughter's

ear every chance they get.

they WILL NOT respect your beliefs as far as you are concerned, especially if they are religious.

I read a horror story letter to Dear Abby once, where a woman's daughter had asked her mom why her uncle was a republican, and the mother innocently said, go ask him. The little girl, who was about 7 or 8 went to the uncle and asked him, and he said something to the effect of "because I don't believe in killing little babies like your mother does". (I am cringing just typing this, this bastard should be shot.) The little girl was DEVASTATED by this, and though the mother had tried again and again to explain abortion to the child, it had been several months and the mom was writing to Abby to ask her what to do, because every since then the little girl had been distant to her mother and wouldn't let her even touch her. This is the most offensive kind of psychological abuse, but EVERYTHING is less important to these bastards than their agenda.

I personally don't think we all need to follow the ten commandments unless we are THAT religion,and I don't think the parent child bond is a one-way street. Cut the cord if they don't have your best interests at heart, and make them respect you and your love for your daughter and the world she'll have to live in while they are worm food.

[SpaceCatMeetsMars]

27. I've been reading similar sad posts like this for months here.

I read them because my husband and I have been dealing with a similar situation and it is really sad and depressing. The basic situation in most of these cases seems to be that the people who are the Bush supporters have changed personalities and are acting out towards their relatives who are Democrats or liberals with aggressively belligerent, callous and disrespectful attitudes.

Of course we all expect this attitude from our relatives, it's completely normal! But people say things like Qst4Q is saying here, like "Who ARE these people! What kind of values are these?"

It sounds like what we read about the civil war and it's the one thing that makes me wonder if we could actually be heading toward some kind of direction like that.

[Catfight]

89. wrongO mustang....it IS about politics. n/t

[MUSTANG_2004]

98. Of course it isn't

Only a fool would keep grandparents from seeing a grandchild because he didn't like who they voted for.

When someone severs all contact with his parents, there are deeper reasons than a disagreement over who the national leadership should be.

If the only issue was politics, all he had to tell his mother when she mentioned Bush was that they had agreed not to discuss politics and to leave it at that.

[blue sky at night]

8. Sorry to say this, but..........

I totally agree with you sir. I am proud of you, and I am about to do the exact same thing with my mother. She started it all back on May 4th, 1970 when she celebrated the fact that they killed the commie protestors........I have had it. Never surrender./

[calico1]

35. Oh, don't tell me!

She was one of the people that rejoiced when those students at Kent State were killed? I can't imagine how you have put up with this mindset for all these years.

[alittlelark]

9. My husband is very close to that point with his dad

His father has sent him nasty, gloating e-mails. I believe hubbys last e-reply was sufficiently brutal to keep him from doing it again, but the guy is just such an asshole.

My fundy-mom loves the shr*b, because he was chosen by God, and will lead she and all the other faithful to the 'rapture'. Cutting the majority of ties with her happened quite awhile ago.

Fortunately the rest of the family is sane.



I'm very sorry about your parents - they could be lost causes (depending on their reasons for shr*b-support). I wish I knew what to say.

Sorry.

[Bucky]

10. I am so sorry this happened to you.

This is really sad news. I can't imagine how tough this must've been on you. You gotta do what's right, but impulsive decisions like this should not be treated like formal commitments.

[EnfantTerrible]

33. It's truly not as impulsive as it may sound

this was just the breaking point.

[Bucky]

11. I am so sorry this happened to you.

This is really sad news. I can't imagine how tough this must've been on you. You gotta do what's right, but impulsive decisions like this should not be treated like formal commitments.

[DoBotherMe]

12. I did the same thing with my mother

and I divorced my husband so I wouldn't have to associate with his Nazi parents (tru dat). Dana ; )

[alittlelark]

13. dupe - d-oh

[jjanpundt]

14. Your story reminds me so much of

the families that split up in the 70s when the young people were protesting the Vietnam War. The parents couldn't understand why their children were so opposed to the establishment and we couldn't make our parents see anything other than the establishment. It ended some family relationships for years, some were repaired when the truth came out. Fortunately, while my parents - moderate dems - thought me odd and confusing let me have my say.

I hope over time the your parents and you can find a way to heal the rift between you.

[KingChicken]

15. Good for you, some people are just brainwashed

I'm cutting my ties with any and all repuke friends, including my extended family. My mother and grandparents are liberal democrats, thankfully, the rest of them can go to hell. I never had good relations with them anyway. I call on everyone to make very careful choices when it comes to associates, their influence is dangerous.

[yorkiemommie1]

42. exactly

the right never hesitates in its bullying ways; whereas some of us are more polite.

the right hates it when we push back, but push back we must. my brother just hated it when i proved one of his anti-edwards emails wrong! tuff!

it is going to be a very interesting holiday season for me because while i won't deliberately bring anything up, i'm not going to let it drop either.

[Booster]

58. BINGO!! The absolutely correct word is BULLY. I cut ties

with all of my republican friends in January/February and only tolerate my parents because they are my parents, but I don't think the feeling between is love; more like just people I know that I don't want to really hurt. I live in CA and they live in Texas, and that was totally my choice. It's worked out well for me as I only go back to visit for 2 weeks every other year. But, you're right, it's the bullying that I resent the most, and my friends were just awful with that - breaking ties with them completely was no problem at all, even though we have been friends for over 40 years. It just dawned on me one day that if somebody is bullying you, they really aren't friends - just like in high school. Fuck em.

[PretzelWarrior]

16. OOHH OOOH....my brother and I just had blowout w/DAD

I live in Oregon. My brother lives in Tennessee. My parents live in FLA. I can brag and say after I voted in 2000 for Gore and my brother admitted he supported Bush I said: "just you wait."

As the years passed by..9/11, Iraq, etc. He saw the light more and more. He registered to vote last year and cast his absentee ballot for Kerry this fall.

Well, anyway. My dad is somewhat apolitical meaning he doesn't vote at all but has WAY too many griping opinions. I found out from my brother the only reason he argued with me was to get a rise out of me. He could care less about what was clearly such a passionate issue for me.

Anyway, my dad drew first blood with a shitty email to me and others in the family basically saying neither candidate was worth a glass of warm spit. I was polite and said I voted for Kerry and here's why...yadayada.

He fires back with some bullshit reply about how screwed we were and maybe we'd vote for Hillary and Billary in 2008. That set me off and had a MAJOR meltdown with him in my next email.

Today he called my brother who is DEVASTATED BUSH WON....and my brother told my dad to get off the dime and do something. THey had a swearing match back and forth and that was that.

We aren't estranged yet...but I see I have very little to talk to with my Dad. My mom is somewhat a different story, but my Dad is gonna have to reassess and apologize or no relationship.

[NightTrain]

17. Wow.

That's gotta hurt. I admire your courage! :pals:

"I'm a uniter, not a divider." Sure, George....

[Indiana_Dem]

20. I hardly speak to my Repub father.

But he lives 2000 miles away so it's easier. I pretty much haven't spoken to him unless I have to since we had a very ugly fight and he made the comment to me that I'm just like my liberal mother who's brainwashed me.

[EnfantTerrible]

47. My parents believe I'm brain washed too

They say they can't understand why "I've wandered so far off of the reservation".

[treefrogjohn]

21. I'm sad to hear it but did the same thing in 1968

It took about 25 years before we got back on speaking terms. They wouldn't even come to my wedding in 1973 or let me come over to show them their grandchildren. I eventually buried both of them without the fences ever really being mended (I was given $1 in their will). I cleaned out their house and threw all the Nixon and Reagan pictures in the trash along with all the right-wing books. How sad.

[SammyWinstonJack]

22. More of W's "uniting"

I hope it is proofed that the chimp stole the election and he gets thrown out on his ass! Couldn't happen to a more deserving POS.

Sorry this happened to your family.

[EnfantTerrible]

84. I hope it's proven as well

It won't make any difference to my parents, though. They'd see it as a persecution of the Asshole-in-Chief. He'd become a martyr. For all I know they could think that Nixon got a bum deal.

[smiley_glad_hands]

23. Thinking about excommunicating alot of friends.

Fortunatley, most of my family is yellow dog democrat.

[patdem]

24. I had to sever ties after the Iraq invasion...and my son sent my grandkids

to Christian school..and I made a comment ..that being gay was not a terrible thing and they (my grand kids)looked at me like I was from some other planet. And my mother hated ALL arabs? My mother was from the north and thought the fact that blacks had to move off the sidewalk for her to pass was just surprising (she liked it)..my mother would have made a very good Nazi...she loves authoritan rule..and thinks what ever the ruling party says is just great..and they should kill more people rather than fewer.

I am the 'black' sheep of my family..because I do not agree to drink the kool aid!

[EnfantTerrible]

83. My mother also loves authoritarian rule

The only explanation I can come up with is that it's easier to follow blindly and take orders than to think for oneself... the illusion of "control" over life and situations is complete when there are no doubts about what is "right" as dictated by the establishment. Mine too would have made a good Nazi... follow orders, don't ask questions, allegance to the party, et al.

I am also the 'black' sheep of my family. No surprise... I always hated kool aid as a kid.

[karlrschneider]

26. QSL. Sorry to hear that...I've lost some friends (no family though)

over this business. Hope you can find a way to fix it.
73

[MS68]

28. When my mother gets the e-mail I sent her....

the shit will probably hit the fan. It is difficult when it's your parents, but my parents are hardcore Fox news watching, Rush Limbaugh listening republicans. I'm not sure what happened to them. My dad never used to vote and my mom voted for Clinton.

I think what especially makes it hard is that they were crappy parents, and I could probably forgive them for that if they had realized they made mistakes and became better people, but they appear to be getting worse.

Right now, I just feel like I have no use for them. We have nothing in common and have completely incompatible ideals and views.

It's like one of our local talk radio guys said yesterday. The stupid people won, and the smart people lost. The lunatics are running the asylum!

Maybe I'll get over it....maybe not.

[EnfantTerrible]

37. Dark times to be an enlightened person...

Welcome to DU MS68.

[MacCovern]

29. You should reconcile with your parents

To cut ties based on Democratic/Republican politics is very sad.

When you calm down you should be the bigger person and let them
know that conversations about politics will just not take place.

Sounds like they raised you to be a free thinker, and I bet they
were good parents to you growing up.

[EnfantTerrible]

30. Oddly enough they didn't raise me to be a free thinker

Unless the thoughts coincided with theirs. I grew up in a home where Liberal was spat out like a four letter word. I don't see a reconsiliation in our future. It's sad because they were good to me growing up if we're talking in terms of basics like a home and food and even love. But that isn't enough for me to betray what I believe in and that is what it would take for any peace.

[MattG]

34. I've heard so many stories and it makes me thankful

For having such a loving family. My grandfather is the definition of Christian Fundamentalist, but he still says that he respects my opinion. That's great, and awfully christian of him. Meanwhile, my buddy Andrew, who I had on our side for awhile turned back Rethug after the first debate (WTF???) Anyways, I got my cousin, who's head of the College Democrats of NC to worry about. He wants to run for president someday, and his own mother said she wouldn't vote for him unless he changes parties (I could have slapped her right then and there). My parents usually lean right, but they're honest people and I convinced them to vote for Kerry, so family relations are pretty good now.

[shance]

39. You should be quiet.

It is quite inconsiderate, dont you think, to tell anyone, much less someone who you have not earned their trust and respect, to make such a comment and/or demand.

I would imagine your intent was not to be invasive, but think how you might feel if you had just been through the same situation. I gather the experience was stressful enough.

[EnfantTerrible]

45. It's alright Shance

Thanks for looking out for me. But I chose to post on here and people are free to offer up any advice they'd like. I did what I believe I had to do with my parents and take all replies to this thread with the belief that they are written with good intentions.

[MattG]

104. I'm sorry

I really hope that things will get better for everyone.

[Kire]

31. That's what Jesus would do...

Luke 18:29

[expatriate]

32. I'm sorry to hear it Qst4Q

I know how it feels. My own father descended into the pit of idiocy and bigotry over the years, shifting from a strong Democrat to a paranoid ranting right-winger. He worshipped Rush Limbaugh for years before he died. He slept all night with an earplug hooked to all-night right-wing talk radio, so he could hear what they were saying if he waked up. I'm convinced this had a lot to do with him just getting worse and worse and crazier and crazier. At the end, I was very glad to live on the other side of the planet from him.

I've dealt with a lot of toxic relatives, and though breaking the ties is traumatic at first, over time the relief will flow in, and you'll begin to lose that dread of having to tolerate their hatred and bigotry.

I'm sad to say that the only thing I could feel when my father died was relief that I just didn't have to cope with the madness any more. It was like the pod people came in the night and took my father away and put a Rush Limbaugh clone in his place.

[UNIXcock]

36. Love for my family is greater than politics will ever divide us

... I'm thankful that although our family is divided politically, we're civil and respectful of each other.

[TahitiNut]

38. You can take my life. You can destroy my property. You can maim me.

But others cannot and will not take my integrity, my principles, or my happiness!! Those can only be given, not taken. They are what I am and what I will be ... even after I die. They are my soul!

I will make no bargain with evil. I will give it no quarter. I will not mortgage my soul. Any person who would threaten or seduce me to do so is out of my sight and unwelcome in my life. I belong to the family of love, the clan of courage, and the tribe of integrity. I accept no others as kin. I belong to no other party, club, or nation. I am only loyal to my principles.

I cannot be otherwise and still look at myself and truthfully say "I am!"

[EnfantTerrible]

40. Exactly what I am feeling

We are what we believe and that can't be seperated one from the other.

[Disturbed]

46. Not a rare occurance

This has happened many times in this country. Core beliefs make us what we are. If another person has beliefs that are poison to you or your children it is best to sever the ties. Examples of this are many in this country since the Revolutionary War of Independence.

[TahitiNut]

68. Thank you - It was that which I was hoping to honor with my post.

Asserting and honoring our selves (with getting OCD about it) is, I believe, an important element of emotional maturity.

After all, you've(I've) invested your(my) entire life so far becoming the person you(I) are(am).
It damned well must be worth it! :thumbsup:

[NanBo]

43. I'm so sorry and know what you're going through

We had the same rule and then my mother sent me a note today saying I shouldn't feel so bad--my poor brother was seriously suffering over Alan Keyes's loss! She feels so sorry for him.

I've tried so hard to avoid it as she's very old and I worry about hurting her but damn...how much can a sane person stomach?

[immoderate]

50. Alan Keyes!?!?!? LOL

Sorry.

--IMM

[pantouflard]

44. This is like the Civil War splitting up families...

I am so sorry that happened. I don't have any advice, just empathy.

My family are mostly radical christians, and we generally do okay by avoiding most subjects. But the other day my sister baited me, and I took it. I asked if she'd heard about the Lancet article citing up to 100,000 Iraqi civilian deaths due to our bombing. She said, "well, that's the cost of war." My own flesh and blood, just shrugging her shoulders at all that needless violence and loss. I can't believe it. This is what christians think? To hell with them all.

The only thing that keeps me friendly towards her is her little boy, with whom I have a wonderful relationship. And now she's having another baby, so there it is. I guess I'll have to keep my mouth shut.

Honestly, I just can't fathom having repug friends. Because of this chasm between the two idiologies, I've found a comfortable bubble to live in, where everyone is progressive and intelligent and kind. I just don't know how to talk to anyone else.

Glad you are all here!

[Southpaw Bookworm]

51. Next time she says something like that

Ask her if it would be just a "cost of war" if it were her precious boy with his brains leaking on the floor.

[Sara Beverley]

48. A bloodless civil war. You did right. People have to be taught to hate.

You just saved your 13 month daughter from being taught.

[Cha]

49. You Poor Sweetie!

I've been depending on the support of my family through all of this the last two days and they haven't disappointed. I'm very lucky because they all voted for Kerry.

My son called me from Hawaii yesterday to comfort me and was in tiny tears himself because he's "afraid for our Country"!

But if I did have parents or anyone like you I would have done the same thing!

We had a DUer on yesterday..whose sister called her to ask.."in a sing songy voice.."Who's the President?" The DUer tried to be gracious and congratulated her..and then they talked about other things until her sister said in that very same sing songy voice again.."Who's the president?" ..She lost it and told her sister to "Fuck Off!" and hung up on her!

:hug:

[EnfantTerrible]

53. My wife and I sat and watched Kerry's final speech

in total silence, both of us weeping. I've got the family that she and I are building together and luckily I've got DU.

[hollywood926]

55. Why did SHE want to be congratulated?

Has drinking kool aid become a feat worthy of praise?

[deadparrot]

56. I'm sorry.

They're really pitting family against family now. It's very dangerous, and it will come back to haunt them.

[SmokingJacket]

57. MY STORY too...

except we still have the gag rule, which I hope to keep because I want my children to have grandparents. It's a close one, though.

But after listening to Rush they went insane. What does he DO to people???

My parents cried when RFK was killed! Now they're racists and admitted homophobes! It's so scary!!

[georgia-demogirl]

59. I sympathize with you.

My mother has turned into the biggest Bush loving Repub!! She watches Faux News 24/7, and idolizes Bill O'Reilly. It is amazing!

She calls me constantly repeating Repub lies, and it is frightening. A few months ago, she went to Atlanta with her church, to protest gays getting married. I was shocked to hear the hate spewing from her mouth. It was hard to believe that the little gray haired woman saying that she hoped all the "queers" would die of aids, was my mother?

My mother raised me to be a liberal but when my Dad died, she remarried a guy who is a total Repubulican who says he is a christian. If those people who goes to their church are christians, then I guess I'm never going to heaven. LOL!!

It is sad that our relationship is so strained and since the election, I refuse to call her and God help me if she calls me! I am so angry and if she says one word about that idiot Bush, I am afraid of what I will say. It is such a shame that a so-called man of God has turned this country inside out and strained so many families!

[kodi]

60. listen to me, this is family you are talking about, not strangers

listen to me for just a few seconds. unless you have a dog, no one loves you and cares about you like your family does, especially your parents. they will fly 10,000 miles to be by your bedside if you are sick and ignore all sorts of your flaws, because you are their child. they love you. do not, do not ever let anything come between you and your family. in this cold cruel world, they are your blood teammates and would die for you.

i was estranged from both of my parents for over 15 years, no calls, no cards, no nothing. i grew up, got older and realized that no matter what, i loved them and they loved me. and i regret that 15 years i lost not in contact with them. truly, as i grow older and my parents fade into their old age, i wish i could have those years back.

don't lose those years, my friend, you will learn to regret it.

want to know what springsteen thinks about family?


Highway Patrolman

My name is Joe Roberts I work for the state
I'm a sergeant out of Perrineville barracks number 8
I always done an honest job as honest as I could
I got a brother named Frankie and Frankie ain't no good

Now ever since we was young kids it's been the same come down
I get a call over the radio Frankie's in trouble downtown
Well if it was any other man, I'd put him straight away
But when it's your brother sometimes you look the other way

Yeah me and Frankie laughin' and drinkin'
Nothin' feels better than blood on blood
Takin' turns dancin' with Maria as the band
Played "Night of the Johnstown Flood"

I catch him when he's strayin' like any brother would
Man turns his back on his family well he just ain't no good

Well Frankie went in the army back in 1965
I got a farm deferment, settled down, took Maria for my wife
But them wheat prices kept on droppin' till it was like we were gettin'
robbed
Frankie came home in `68, and me, I took this job

Yeah we're laughin' and drinkin'
Nothin' feels better than blood on blood
Takin' turns dancin' with Maria as the band
Played "Night of the Johnstown Flood"

I catch him when he's strayin' teach him how to walk that line
Man turns his back on his family he ain't no friend of mine

Well the night was like any other, I got a call `bout quarter to nine
There was trouble in a roadhouse out on the Michigan line
There was a kid lyin' on the floor lookin' bad bleedin' hard from his head
There was a girl cry'n' at a table and it was Frank, they said

Well I went out and I jumped in my car and I hit the lights
Well I musta done one hundred and ten through Michigan county that night
It was out at the crossroads, down `round Willow bank
Seen a Buick with Ohio plates. Behind the wheel was Frank

Well I chased him through them county roads
Till a sign said "Canadian border five miles from here"
I pulled over the side of the highway and watched his tail-lights disappear

Me and Frankie laughin' and drinkin'
Nothin' feels better than blood on blood
Takin' turns dancin' with Maria as the band
Played "Night of the Johnstown Flood"

[EnfantTerrible]

65. Thanks for the response

It's impossible for anyone to really understand because my relationship with my parents is unique only to me. This outcome has been years in the making and blood or no blood this is the way it is.

I appreciate the inclusion of the lyrics, but I have to admit I've never been a Springsteen fan.

[DemBones DemBones]

80. Some parents wouldn't drive two blocks to be with

their sick child if there was something else they wanted to do at church or perhaps a Republican fundraiser to attend.

That's the sad reality in many families, when parents are involved in toxic faiths or politics. I'll never understand it.

In the depths of my despair over my parents, I talked with my priest, who advised me that "Honor they father and they mother" does not mean you have to allow them to heap emotional abuse on you.

We all have a right to our boundaries. We all have a right to say, in the famous line from a poem by e.e. cummings, "There is some shit I will not eat."

[expatriate]

81. I'm sorry to disagree, but all families are NOT like that.

In fact, I'm beginning to believe that a lot fewer families are like that than we are led to believe by movies and TV shows and books. There are very many toxic families out there. There are entire Internet message boards made up of people who have survived life in a family where there was abuse of all kinds.

Just because someone shares genetic material with you does not mean they will love you.

[devilgrrl]

61. I want to smack my Repug parents too.

Thankfully, they haven't called to rub it in because they know perfectly well that I'll fly through phone the second they do.

Then, I'm spending Christmas with my liberal younger brother because my Repug older brother is going to incite me - he does it all the time - I won't be able to deal, I'll lose it.

[darthmix]

62. Be angry, and argue. Let it out. I know EXACTLY where you're coming from.

My parents are oil-company Catholic apologists, very anti-gay, anti-choice, and pro-bush. I haven't been able to speak to them about politics or social issues for over ten years, and it's almost impossible to talk to them at all in a time like this.

BUT: you have to forgive your parents.

You just do. Assuming they never abused you, you will never be able to repay your mom for everything she's done for you. Even if she IS an idiot.

I've seen this. If you don't make peace somehow, you'll hate yourself for a very long time. Be angry, but please don't "sever all ties."

[EnfantTerrible]

67. Actually I've realized tonight

that I've hated myself for a long time because of the hypocracy I've been living in regards to my parents and they're beliefs. I've put "family" first, I've swallowed the ignorance they espouse, I've denied myself when I've been around them. Continuing to maintain the charade, to perpetuate the lie that passes for civil family discourse would do more harm to me and wife and child than just moving on. I'm just being honest with myself and true to what I believe. I do think that there are some things that are bigger than "family".

[formernaderite]

63. As a parent with much older children....

...I will tell you that once you choose to close off the possiblity for communication, you also close off the possiblity for change. By doing this you are allowing the right to win the bigger fight. Please call your parents...I cannot imagine either my son or daughters not wanting to speak to me or my wife, because of politics.

[Politicub]

64. That's pretty extreme

But you gotta do what you gotta do.

When I came out to my dad, we had a strained relationship for years. He finally came around though.

But everyone's situation is different. I guess I would be hyper concerned about what my 13 month old daughter is exposed to too.

[EnfantTerrible]

70. Unfortunately ...

...there is no "coming around" in my situation. It would be me coming around to their way of thinking and that will never happen. As for my daughter, it's the strain that this relationship with my parents puts on my marriage and family life with my wife that I'm concerned about her growing up with. It's not about their ideology (as frightening as it is) when it comes to my little one... I plan to expose her to all sides of the issues facing our society and discussing them with her so that she can decide what she believes. I'm glad that you and your father were able to salvage your relationship.

[lilsourgoose]

66. We'll be hearing a lot of this...

Until speed-freak fatso Rush Limbaugh drops dead and is thus unable to spew his divisive hate-speech daily, I think a lot of families are going to get split apart. I remember the days when people of differing political opinions used to be able to get along just fine...I think you can indeed trace the end of those days directly to Shit-baugh.

The fat pig can't last forever...he probably screwed himself up real good with that drug addiction...the rapid weight-loss and sudden deafness are not signs of a man at his prime.

[DuaneBidoux]

69. Been there with my Dad (hasn't seen his only grandson for

3 years because of racist comments). I'm now considering it with my mother. It's tough, and you might want to consider counseling. It is so hard to let go, and a piece of you, your little child piece, will always be wanting to need them, and loving them, and wanting their acceptance.

Good luck to you, you are courageous to protect your child.

[EnfantTerrible]

71. Thanks for the advice

I'm trying to protect my own "liitle child piece" as much as my daughter. A part of me has been hurting over this issue with my parents for a long time now and this is the first step to recovery. Counseling may be next.

[hatrack]

74. If not civil war, this is at least America's Dreyfus Affair

There's a famous cartoon from about 1895 or so. The top panel shows a comfortable bourgeoise family all sitting down for Sunday dinner. The father is holding a finger to his lips and smilingly saying "No one is to speak of it!"

The bottom panel shows smashed furniture, turkey limbs protruding from holes in the walls, people pummeling each other with their fists and the family dog yelping with a fork stuck in his back. The caption: "Nonetheless, they spoke of it!"

That seems to be about where we are now.

On edit: Qst40, this had to be an incomprehensibly tough decision, but I respect you for it. Knowing your family, their beliefs and motivations better than any of us possibly can, you did what you thought necessary. You've got guts and conviction, and I wish you luck and (more) happiness.

One thing I'm truly grateful is that I'd never had to even think of a similar situation with my parents. We certainly don't agree on all issues (a generational difference more than anything else), but they taught me to think for myself, and I'm glad they did.

[LTR]

75. I guess I'm lucky

My family consists mostly of Democrats, with a couple swing voters.

Nobody in my family likes Bush. Hell, my dad's a Kucinich supporter!

[yardwork]

76. Rush Limbaugh is a common thread in almost all these posts!

Rush is the leader of a cult and millions of our friends and relatives have been brainwashed. They drank the kool-aid.

We have a long-time friend who was always fairly conservative but in the past few years he's begun listening to Rush every day and watching Fox News. His physical and mental health has taken a serious dive.

He used to tease me about supporting Kerry until one day I snapped back at him, and he responded that it was too bad we need the oil in the middle east, because otherwise we could just drop a nuclear bomb and kill them all.

I haven't spoken to him since that conversation and I don't intend to unless he puts down the kool-aid. I actually feel sorry for him, but it's like an alcoholic. I can't save him. He has to get free of this cult mentality himself.

[WI_DEM]

77. I hope for your families sake it is something that can be fixed

and the gag order re-imposed. It is a shame to destroy a family over politics.

[EnfantTerrible]

78. This goes beyond politics

It's about the fact that ones beliefs make up who one is. I don't subscribe to the school of thought that what a person believes can be compartmentalized into "political" and other. Ideology fuels politics, not the other way around IMO. I can't say "well, yeah, they support what Bush has done to this country, to civil liberties, to the world... but they're really good people despite that" or "they're my family so... what am I gonna do?" This issue is about having the courage of my convictions, about my own mental and emotional well being. It transcends politics in my mind and speaks to a larger issue.

[DemBones DemBones]

82. Politics and religion are core issues -- strange to see DUers saying

"Oh, don't break ties with your parents over politics!"

Some situations are intolerable. Mine was, too, and I don't regret breaking off contact as much as I regret the years I tolerated their narrow-mindedness and emotional game-playing. You seem to be in a situation very similiar to mine and I predict you'll be glad to have the constant ittitation removed from your life. It won't be easy but it will probably be easier than staying in contact with them. Good luck to you and the family that you and your wife have made. ( I lived with my parents less than twenty years, have already lived with my husband nearly thirty-eight years, who's my real family?) ;-)

[serryjw]

79. A line in the sand........

I had this conversation with a close frined tonight. I have severed ties with several lifelong friends over this election. It is not easy, but you are correct that you are what you beleive and I could no longer do it either.

[Carolina]

85. my heart truly goes out to you

my relatives all feel as I do, thankfully; but I have kicked to the curb many co-workers and a few friends because of their odious support for this regime.

You are right, this is not about one election. It's about attitude and beliefs. Your separation is especially important since grandparents can definitely affect a child and you don't want your daughter growing up around such bilious hatred. However, you do want to teach your daughter tolerance and one day may have to explain why the breach with her paternal grands.

[EnfantTerrible]

86. Tolerance is exactly what I intend to instill in her

which is not a principal that was given much attention during my childhood.

[leesa]

87. Maybe that is what it will take. I am ready to sever ties with my 4

brothers. They are beginning to become psychopathic murderers in my mind and it is terrible to watch the blind bigotry and hatred they have.

[Catfight]

88. Yup...I've got nothing in common with my repug family either. They

voted for bush because of his tax breaks, well, come their birthdays, deaths, graduations, marriages, etc...they can send bush invites and celebrate with him. Fuck them all. Hate is the new family value.

[Patiod]

90. Let's separate Republicans vs. brainwashed Faux/Rush fans

I can tell the people who are brainwashed by the conservative media within seconds of them opening their mouth. They don't actually think - they have codewords and catchphrases, and they are stunned when you have a coherent argument. For example, when "Liberal media" inevitably spills out of their mouths --> "you're calling GE liberal? Disney? You think they're going to promote progressive causes on NBC and ABC?"

On the other hand, I have one or two friends who are just basically old-fashioned Republicans, and have coherent and valid conservative views that have emerged out of their experiences in life. For example, they might say to me "you can't work with the trade unions in Philadelphia, and one thing they're hurting is our tourism business". I'm pro-union, my SO is the son of a Teamster negotiator, but some of the trade unions have been belligerent and obstructive to the point where conventions refuse to consider returning to our convention center. Or they talk about the impact specific rules and regulations have on their businesses, and how the same goals (clean air, safe workplaces) might be accomplished differently. These are the sorts of discussions we have, and they've valid.

I can talk to old-fashioned Republicans, but I'm cutting off the "conservative media" republicans, who tend to be bullies.

[EnfantTerrible]

91. Do these "old fashioned" Republicans support Bush?

If they do, then any distinction you are drawing between the old and the neo is just semantics. I have zero tolerance for anyone who supports this regime no matter what kind of qualifier they put before Republican.

[Monument]

92. Please reconsider

Listen, not sure how old you are yet, but your family is still your family. as you get older you tend to appreciate these things more. don't ruin relationships over politics.

i'm sure you're upset about the reults of the election but please don't let it ruin your family.

i htink it's important to have diversity, thought, color, etc. don't be bigoted against republicans, just try to change them and enjoy respectful debate rather than ideological division.

please reconsider.

imagine in 30 years if your daughter severed ties with you over your support for the dems.

[EnfantTerrible]

99. I'm 35 years old

Again I will assert that what a person believes is who they are. What I believe makes up who I am as an individual... I am defined by ideology.

As far as ruining my family goes, I'm trying to keep my family from ruining me.

I am about the furthest thing from being a bigot that you may ever encounter and I don't consider a prejudice against this administration, or those who sanction their agenda by supporting it with money and votes, to be bigotry. I would call it sanity and civic duty.

And I'm willing to run the risk of my daughter severing ties with me in 30 years as long as she sees a father who had the courage of his convictions and didn't pay lip service to his ideals by living out the hypocracy that my relations with my parents have become.

[Butterflies]

94. You're certainly not alone

In the early '90s my parents and other extended family started faithfully listening to Rush Limbaugh, and it ruined my relationship with them (though it was kind of a flimsy relationship already.) They obnoxiously refused to respect my opinions, and they got so they didn't see me as having any dignity at all. It was hard to make the break because of natural bonds to parents, but it was killing my spirit to be constantly put down. I hear they haven't changed. These "family values" people are incredibly destructive to families. Who are they to judge anyway?

[wickywom]

95. I think you should sit them

down and say," I love you , but I think you've been brainwashed."

Liberation is a good thing and your passion may touch them somehow.

You can love the person without loving the kool aid.

The trick for me is infrequent visits.

[helnwhls]

96. My 2 cents

I've read some of the responses. I think you are right to do what you are doing. I don't know you or your parents. I doubt you or your parents are monsters. We are all people, humans, and humans can do some pretty fucked up stuff to each other. The most fucked up stuff usually happens in the name of love. Follow your gut. If visits are going to be nothing but constant baiting and goading, who wins? What sanctity of family are you perserving by swallowing anger or fighting every holiday?

You are not taking the easy way out. Good for you for having courage of conviction.

[Q3JR4]

100. My dad voted for Bush. I've basically severed ties--in a way--with him.

My mother asked if I wanted to talk to him last night. My answer, "Hell no."

[lukasahero]

101. I can only hope

my mother has enough sense not to bring it up. While she knows my feelings about it, she has yet to incur the wrath of my husband and my god, she doesn't want to. I am nervous about Thnxgvg...

I have already made a vow to myself that if they do actually reinstate the draft (which immediately affects one of my three nephews), I will never speak to her again (but only after I remind her that his blood will be on her hands).

[IrateCitizen]

102. I feel so sad when I read posts like this, but also very thankful...

... for the fact that I was lucky enough to have been born to two people who taught me, above all, to have an open and inquisitive mind about everything. I guess it just follows, since both of my parents were educators.

Qst4Q, I can only imagine what you are feeling about this right now. But, you know in your heart what is best for you and yours, and it is a sad day when the best thing for someone is to cut the ties with the people who brought them into the world. But in some cases, that tie must be cut.

[EnfantTerrible]

103. It is a sad day indeed

Lucky you to have educators for parents. I'm married to one and count myself very fortunate.