A letter to Bush

[fleabert]

Not sure if this has gotten around yet, but I got it yesterday...wish the bastard could actually read...

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's
law. I have learned a great deal from you and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus
18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need
some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's
Laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male
and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned
in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite
them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is
an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees"
of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if
I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by
Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to
all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.
24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev.
20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

Robin L. Spanier

"out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing
there is a field. I'll meet you there."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet

[andyhappy]

1. wow!

thats great!

thanks for the ammo!

[seraph]

2. Here's my letter.

Dear chimpy,


Want a pretzel?



Thank You,

A Patriotic American

[SammyWinstonJack]

5. ROFL

:evilgrin:

[eddiebrowns]

3. Excellent!

Just saw a rerun of "West Wing" where Pres. Bartlett blasts a right wing talk show host in the same way that you just did. I have a letter very similar to yours that I found on another online forum which I will try to find and post here.

[BOSSHOG]

4. A great West Wing Episode

when President Bartlett asked a right wing religious radio host the above questions at a meeting of radio broadcasters in the WH. He asked if he should stone his mother at a public forum or would a nice family only gathering suffice. At the end of the one sided conversation he said I don't know if you think you are at your monthly tight ass club but when you are in this house and the President is standing, no one sits. Saying not a word, she meekly stood up (like everyone else was) and looked she'd been run over. Yes, Praise the Lord and quote the bible.

[WLKjr]

7. I think I saw that episode

I also liked the one that showed when he was running again and a farmer asked him about why he didn't protect the price of milk. I think that was what it was or along the lines of. One of my favorite episodes too.

[WLKjr]

6. I refuse to read the old testament

I have heard qoutes like this before, and they are blashpemous IMHO.

great letter though.

[smbolisnch]

8. Hahahahaha....I love it!

Thanks for the much needed laugh!
:kick:

[fleabert]

9. wish i could take credit...

It's an argument I use often with my Fundie friends (whether we will remain friends much longer, I am not sure). My favorite is telling him that he can't hug me or sit on any of my furniture because I am unclean and haven't given a sacrifice since my last period (or any of them for that matter!) He just giggles and tells me I am being silly and taking things too far. My response is: No...YOU take the bible too far in some areas, and not far enough in others.

Glad everyone liked it, I LMAO!

:7

[fleabert]

10. might be a faux pas, but...

I think I want to kick my own post...is that bad?

:kick:

[Blaq Dem]

11. MY Letter to Bush...

Dear Mr. Bush,

FUCK YOU. Have a bad day.

[fleabert]

12. OMG.

LMAO!

I rarely laugh out loud when I read, thanks. That is really fucking funny.