All Hail the NEW and improved EXTREME JESUS!

[mopaul]

that's right folks, jesus is now 'EXTREME JESUS', he's hip, he's modern, and he's not bogged down by old fashioned mamby pamby feel goodism, EXTREME JESUS approves of mass slaughter. fuck all that turn the other cheekism and do unto othersism, EXTREME JESUS says do unto others FIRST and then they'll never do unto you.

EXTREME JESUS says, suffer the little children to die in the dirt, and suffer them to starve to death if not bombed. if children don't know jesus, like in muslim lands, then fuck them, EXTREME JESUS is ours exclusively, our children will know him and grow fat and lazy.

EXTREME JESUS says all other religions must leave america real soon or be oppressed or worse. EXTREME JESUS has no time to dick around with you if you are not on the ball and in the war wagon. EXTREME JESUS says, spread the gospel, and build mc donalds every half mile, and taketh away the oil and land of the non believers.

EXTREME JESUS says fuck all of you who don't get in line and pray for him alone. and fuck all those other religions and fuck all those other people, fucketh em all.

[NuttyFluffers]

1. I miss Buddy Jesus already...

but does Extreme Jesus get to wear his ballcap in a rakish angle?

[mopaul]

2. do not taunt EXTREME JESUS

EXTREME JESUS will kill you, and raise you from the dead, and kill you again.

[requiem99]

3. LOL, I have to admit, that got a big laugh even from me.

Save us from eternal suffering oh EXTREME JESUS!

[sangh0]

54. Me too

I've given Mopaul some static in the past, but funny is funny

[Brundle_Fly]

5. EXTREME JESUS

will be played by Gil Gerrard.

[elepet]

9. Crusades

I recently saw a video on the Crusades in the middle ages. Intense. The "Christians" actually toasted Muslim babies and ate them. Boiled the adults and ate them also.
This is a factual video...4 parts...i checked it out from the library.
This whole thing seems to be a Karmic replay...Fundametalist Jews, Christians and Muslims fighting in the Middle East over whose God is the best.
"When will it end...when will it ever end?"

[Spiffarino]

75. Let's just ship 'em all over there

...give them all the death toys they want to play with, and let them duke it out in the desert.

The rest of us around the world who don't give a fuck about any of it will stay home and watch it on TV.

[Obviousman]

43. you made my day

[Straight Shooter]

71. OMFG, Mopaul, EXTREME JESUS will crucify you for that!

"Raise you from the effin' dead and kill you again." Jeebers!!!

[Lost Creek]

97. My first real laugh since black tuesday

THANKS

[theHandpuppet]

4. You must be thinking of his cousin...

...Chucky Jesus.

[TaleWgnDg]

11. nah, the newbie-self-righteous "Jesus" looks like this:

and hears voices eeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr talks to God?


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .




.

[Laelth]

66. Or this?

Or this?



Or this? (look, there's pappy too!)



Or this?



Frightening, isn't it? :scared:

-Laelth

[Spiffarino]

76. More like this...

[Bluebear]

99. Oh. Good. Gravy.

[Cronus Protagonist]

98. I saw his picture just the other day - here it is...

[freetobegay]

6. Jesus Frigging Christ!

[ogradda]

7. so to speak..

:)

[Ruffhowse]

8. Oh yeah!!! Extreme Jesus don't take no shit! But how do you integrate

the NEW Jesus with country music? Gotta give Extreme Jesus some kinda NASCAR, Toby Keith, red-neck, KKK kinda flavor.

[Ruffhowse]

10. Oh, I know what Extreme Jesus wears. It's a NASCAR-like jumpsuit but

instead of auto related logos plastered all over it, Extreme Jesus' jumpsuit has logos of corporate America plastered all over, like Enron, IBM, Chevron, etc.

[mopaul]

12. EXTREME JESUS has an M-16 & is loaded for bear

and he drives a hummer of gold.

[Neshanic]

30. Priceless....my gut hurts from laughing!

[ogradda]

13. he has a copy of the bible in one hand

and a list of corporate tax cuts in the other.....

[highpitch]

14. YEAAAAAAAH IM HARDCORE BABY

MOPAUL FOR LIFE BITCHES! NWO BABY

[lightbulb]

15. It's about time he took off the gloves and caught up with

his more "advanced" believers, such as those in the blessed White House. We all thought he was the prince of peace. The party of preemptive war has shown us that he is in fact the prince of pieces.

[mopaul]

16. get thee behind me wimpy jesus, make way for EXTREME JESUS

$29.99

[hatrack]

17. Hey kids! Don't forget the Extreme Jesus (tm) Action Figure!!

Kickin' ass and takin' names, the Extreme Jesus Action figure comes with battery-powered kung-fu kicking action, a whole arsenal of muslim-whoopin' firepower (TOW missile and missile launcher sold separately) and a taste for salvation that'll pin yout hair back.

Extreme Jesus Action Figure - with Sin-Redeeming Grip!!

Coming soon - NASCAR Jesus!!

[antigone382]

59. Yes, but little Johnny wants to know...

Is there a full line of juvenile bedding products--you know, sheets, comfortors, pillowcases, curtains?

[SomthingsGotaGive]

18. kick

danm.

[Gregorian]

19. Extreme Jesus says- cheap gas is worth fighting for.

Extreme Jesus has a cover charge. And a dress code. No shoes; No shirt; No salvation.

Extreme Jesus didn't die on the cross. He fell off while freestyling. He kicked resurrected ass on that cross. He knows how to have a good time.

(Sorry, just couldn't fire up photoshop to create Freesylin' Jesus on the cross. But you can use your imagination.)

[requiem99]

20. here is a picture of EXTREME JESUS. (previous title was too confusing)

[mopaul]

44. sick and hilarious......n/t

[requiem99]

46. Note the red background. EXTREME JESUS is a Republican!

[bleedingheart]

21. All unwed mothers are sluts...even Mary!!!

...so says Extreme Jesus

[bleedingheart]

22. All illegitimate children are Bastards

...so says Extreme Jesus....

[bleedingheart]

23. Render unto Caesar's Incorporated and then give me the rest..

so says Extreme Jesus

[Hubert Flottz]

24. I long for the days good old days, when plastic Jusus was hot!

GAWD, just think how much more horsepower Jeff Gordon would have if Plastic Jesus was perched upon his dashboard, and Gawd was his Co-Pilot! He might have even been able to bring back the intimidator and little Davy Allison! The last time I saw Plastic Jesus he was headed for the car crusher without a restrictor plate! Forget Hell, and Keep on a-Truckin Extreme JHC, cause you know the Devil is hiding under the bridge to the 21st century near the straight stretch before turn three! Wind it out baby, cause they'll be no caution flags in heaven, only plenty of ice cold Bud! No ballots only bullets!

Hell, Gawd might even let Rusty Wallace win one up there where the air is rare and the diehard never dies!

[Mandate My Ass]

33. New bumpersticker: "I am God's copilot"

Saw that on a big ole gas-guzzling SUV the other day. I got out of their way real fast. For all I knew they could've been on a one-way trip to the apocalypse.

[Hubert Flottz]

25. Will drugs be cheaper in Heaven than they are in Canada?

Will there be potholes in turn four, and electronic voting machines that can count farther than George Bush with his shoes off? Will there be life on Earth, after regular unleaded 87 octane gas reaches five bucks a gallon? Gimme' a sign...besides the one that says EXXON!

[lateo]

80. Brilliant

That needs to be a bumpersticker

[Melinda]

26. And now for Jesusland!!!!!!!!

[SammyWinstonJack]

38. I don't want to live in Jesusland

Damn!

[neebob]

48. Me, either

EXTREME JESUS™ will take care of it, by kicking our pansy asses to Canada or perhaps France, if he ate his Wheaties.

And don't think he won't do it just because we're girls. EXTREME JESUS™ doesn't care if you're a girl.

[SammyWinstonJack]

68. Either works for me!

Please Extreme Jesus, don't forsake me.

[ilovenicepeople]

72. GOD BET'S AMERICA!!!!

Edited to explain sarcasm.

[Cooley Hurd]

58. Jeebusland National Anthem:

God help America
Land that we lost
Stood beside her
despite the
fundie's coup, now we're in poo to our ears

Mason-Dixon line to the Gulf Coast
Jerry Falwell's mouth, white with f-o-a-m
God Help America
Now Jee-bus-land
God Help America
Now Jeeeeee-busssss-land!

[FM Arouet666]

61. Bet they molest children in Jesusland

Opps, that would be Catholicland.

[Djinn]

92. yep and protestantland, and jewishland, and islamland

and secualrland and atheistland, and butcher/baker/candlestick makerland.

I've been slagged off here as a "militant atheist" (whatever that is) and told that by considering ALL religions to be fables used by people 1000's of years ago that we should ahve moved on from I'm offending religious folks but the "paedophile" stuff is really stupid - there are perverts in EVERY realm of life and there are many non Catholic (and non religious) organisations that have covered it up.

[Neshanic]

27. When is the action film rated HV (Holy Violence) due out?

[Hubert Flottz]

28. I think that's it on CNN right now!

These MO-Fos are CRAZY!

[neebob]

29. For the EJ movie

EXTREME JESUS™
He doesn't want you for a sunbeam.

[Warren DeMontague]

31. How does EXTREME JESUS feel about "The Queers"?

...No, wait, let me guess.

[Gold Metal Flake]

34. The bodies of the Queers will grease the treads of Extreme Jesus's tanks!

Except the lesbians. The Lesbians will be placed into the Extreme Jesus Lambs Of God Comfort Camps for the pleasure of the Shock Troops of Love.

[Hubert Flottz]

39. Is that you Jerry?

Damn you are a mean dude EJHC!

[mopaul]

47. now yer talkin....n/t

[walldude]

32. Extreme Jesus says if you want to go to heaven

You gotta get through me first you wussy liberal!

[requiem99]

36. SERIOUS JESUS... good enough!

I didn't make this new one, reposted it. Oh and a repost of my first one in case you missed it! :)

[GingerSnaps]

35. Extreme Jesus says

Thou shall commit adultery.

[H2O Man]

37. One question:

Will Extreme Jesus endorse products? I've often wondered if the public would respond to a commercial that says, "Buy Jesus!"

[Warren DeMontague]

41. EXTREME JESUS MOTOR OIL

And those Giant Monster Truck Tires? Extreme Jesus loves 'em.

[H2O Man]

49. That has potential.

I had been thinking more of a fine wine. A Thunderbird (2003) or an MD 20-20. Are these still served in church? If the Christian right really wants us back in church, it might go a long way.

[sonicx]

45. Anything that Walmart sells.

[Jack Schitt]

40. Extreme Jesus can go to Hell.

Literally.

[Kimber Scott]

42. Fucketh them all! ROFLMAO! nt

[Kahutec]

50. The Democrat Party is doomed!

Threads such as these are divisive and reflective of our collective future as a political party. I guess we need a 3rd party of southern Democrats who have a love for a higher power and are accepting to alternative life styles and helpful to the weakest link in the chain and definitely friendly to the environment! The vile crap I hear is divided and not solid! Hateful spew from a few can divide the masses! I'm afraid we are doomed by the lack of acceptance!

[mopaul]

51. born with no sense of humor eh?

tragic

[Kimber Scott]

55. I have my own Higher Power, I don't need yours, or anybody elses.

Believe it, or not,(not that it's any of your business), I'm a very spiritual person. In spite of that, or maybe because of it, I have a sense of humor. The graphic twist on the King's English is pretty damned funny to me!

[walldude]

63. Humor impared are we? I'd tell you to go

get your disability pay but Bush has made that impossible..

[Laelth]

65. It's called satire.

Good enough for Jonathan Swift and Mark Twain. Who am I to complain?

-Laelth


Edit:Laelth--spelling.

[NuttyFluffers]

52. Forgive them father, they know not to stand still...

My God, My God, why have you let me run out of bullets!?

[HappinessPie]

53. Does that mean I have to get rid of my Nice Jesus on Wheels statue?

:cry:

[Hubert Flottz]

56. The GW Bush Junior Miss Cheerleaders for Jaaaaazuz!

Jazuz Jazuz he's so fine;
Turn's the water into wine;
Go Jazuz;
Go Jazuz;
GO FIGHT WIN;
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...OFFENSE!

[The Zanti Regent]

57. You forgot EXTREME JESUS is into AYN RAND

Yeah, EXTREME JESUS loves that Dog Eat Dog World shit!

[FM Arouet666]

60. Jesus was always about hate and intolerance.

Sorry religious people out there, but Jesus has always been about hate, intolerance, ignorance, greed and death. History is replete with stories justifying this position. The crusades, the Inquisition, opposition to science, televangelists asking for cash to pay hookers while they jack-off, good Christian south oppressing blacks and women, the Bushies oppressing gays, etc etc... I love you, but believe in me or suffer an eternity in hell. Yep, EXTREME JESUS has always been a crock of shit.

[zeemike]

69. You are the one full of shit

The words attributed to Jesus is in 4 books of the bible Mathew Mark Luke an John.
If you can show me one statement by Jesus that confirms anyting you say I will kiss your ass in public.
Now put up or shut up. And don't quote anyone but Jesus. that is only fair sense you will only be held responsible for what YOU say.

[FM Arouet666]

70. Sorry old man

I defy you to quote Jesus. Now, to do so you must not pull out your dusty old Bible and read from the Holy scriptures. You must prove to me in any other historical text that Jesus even existed. Your choice, pick an ancient historian, Tacitus, Thucydides, Herodotus, Plutarch, Livy, and Julius and Augustus Caesar. Some genuine relic, perhaps. Anything. No, sorry, old man, scientifically speaking, you cannot even prove he was ever alive.

But that is not the point.

Ya, see, it is not about what the Bible says Jesus may or may not have said. Sure the words are full of hope, kindness, and tolerance. However, in practice those devout to Jesus have bloodied his name a million times over in the name righteousness. The last two thousand years are replete with religious intolerance, oppression, and death.

Now, if you say please, I will let you kiss my ass. :evilgrin:

[zeemike]

73. Oh what bullshit

First I must prove he lived and then I must prove that he was Not responsible for all the violence in the world in his name.

So say he is a fictional character show me where anything he said in his fictional account of his life that supports what you said?
The truth probably is that you have no idea what he said.
Tell me who created the violence in the world. Blame them for there actions just as I will blame you for all that you say and do, not Captain Kirk or Spock.

[FM Arouet666]

77. Jesus did it.

Sorry, couldn't resist. I truly am not interested in getting into an argument about what your mythical deity may or may not have said. It simply is not relevant. I endured those boring Sunday school torture sessions until I was free to explore more legitimate ways to interpret the world.

Yes, violence in the world is created by humankind. Often, in the name of some non-existent deity. The current state of the world is rather pitiful. Bowing our heads to Jesus, or Allah or whoever has not advanced mankind. Now, since you bring up Kirk and Spock, I think I will go back to the TV.

Where is my kiss.
:evilgrin:

[zeemike]

83. your kiss is in the TV

The ideas that Jesus advanced are just the opposite of what the world actually does
So I am saying do not trash the ideas whether you believe that a real man spoke them or not.
And recognize that the ideas of peace love and understanding came from the mind of at least one real person.

[FM Arouet666]

85. A common ground

While I will never believe as you do, I will admit that some of the ideas presented in the Bible are good. You may feel that they are the word of God. I see them as the words of humankind. Regardless, the intent was to form a better society and future for all. The authors of the bible were, no doubt, democrats.;-)

[FM Arouet666]

82. And if that is not good enough

I am in Arizona, you in New Mexico. We can meet at the border and duel or you could smite me or something. }(

[zeemike]

84. It has been years sense I have smote anyone

I do not relay know if I remember how? We would need a bong of something I think.

[FM Arouet666]

86. Smote?

or is it smoted, smotem?

Peace...

[zeemike]

88. English is not my best language

But it is the only one I have
But I know it is not Smitten

[Nimble_Idea]

62. EXTREME JESUS is so mean

:cry:

[greekspeak]

64. So when will Extreme Jesus rip the Keys to Heaven from Peter's hand

and give them to Charlton Heston, along with a bitchin' arsenal of firearms of gold...melted down from those namby pamby angels' harps. What kind of faggot wears a white robe and plays a little harp? Extreme Jesus could NEVER support such faggotry in Heaven.

[JanMichael]

67. Oh PLEASE will someone create an EXTREME JESUS logo??????

Come on creative types, do your best, killeth themeth alleth!

[LMG]

81. Extreme Jesus

buzzed his head will not ever again be callled a girlie man

[Straight Shooter]

74. I want an EXTREME JESUS crucifix necklace

that shocks anyone who touches it.

I want EXTREME JESUS cereal, bites of crispy wheat cereal in the shape of little crosses and puffy bibles.

You're on to something, MoPaul. EXTREME JESUS might sweep the nation with a torrent of religiosity unlike America has ever experienced before. But I want EXTREME JESUS to be for the Dems, because it's time the Repubs experienced true self-righteousness in its most virile form.

[socalover]

78. Great stuff.... nt

[AgadorSparticus]

79. Praise E-Jaysas!! Glory be for us and us alone!

:yourock: Mopaul! Thanks for the much needed chuckles...

[Wols]

87. Billiant!

[Ruffhowse]

89. bump

cause it's just so damn funny
The Extreme Jesus thread must not die!!!!

[Laelth]

90. Kick

Everybody needs to meet EXTREME JESUS!

:kick:

-Laelth

[RhodaGrits]

91. I had just orderted my bumper sticker online that says -

Nuke the gay baby whales for jesus

Now i know it should have been for extreme jesus LOL

[FizzFuzz]

93. I'm resurecting EXTREME JESUS!!

does this mean there will be Latino kids will now be named Extremo Jesus?

lmao!!

[harpo]

94. you guys crack me up

[Hubert Flottz]

95. WTF?

I thought you were due back on Monday! That's the third day! OR are you in a whole nother time Zone EJHC?

[FizzFuzz]

96. And as for your women

they shall be called the Walking Wombded, for they shall be an eye-candy unto you. And lo, it is given that I have provided you the use of the woman to bring forth to me future consumers and canon fodder, for EXTREME JESUS's Father in Heaven smiles upon a productive womb and a hot gun muzzle. Behold, I say unto you, the Wombded among you shall cook and clean your toilets and patronize Wal-Mart, while it is decreed that the Maidens shall shake their money makers.

And LO! It was FIIIIIIINE, BayBaaaaaay!!!

[mopaul]

100. woo woo....numero one hundred for EXTREME JESUS