Jesus, can you convince your dad to give a fuckin' press conference

[urbanguerrilla]

at the very least to set the record straight. I know he's been out of commission since your death and resurrection, but hey, if Gordie Howe can play into his 60s, then your dad can hold a one-time press conference.

[burrowowl]

1. The Onion had God

give a press conference a couple of years ago. It was very good.

[urbanguerrilla]

2. Link?

I wanna see what he said to James Dobson!

[burrowowl]

4. Go to the Onion

God says what part of thou shall not kill do you understand?

Search their archives.


http://www.theonion.com/

This week's is good too!

[uhhuh]

12. I think this one from right here

is pretty good:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/articles/02/11/14_god.html

[progressoid]

3. No No No

He's too busy helping sports teams play. Plus he has to decide who will win this years Grammy Awards.

[Make7]

5. Leave Jesus alone....

he's too busy advising Bush on what country he should invade next.

:) Make7

[AnIndependentTexan]

6. I know Jesus

He visits me when I sleep. I've never asked this before but wouldn't Jesus be more related to Gays then anything else? After all GAY means happy and Jesus tells me he loves me! Is it ok for him to tell me he loves me?

[ClintonTyree]

7. I've asked this question often.................

If there is a God, a Jesus and all the rest, you'd think they manifest themselves so we'd cut the shit out down here. He supposedly created this Universe, why take such a hands off approach to managing it.? Here is where we get all the Christian platitudes about "free will" and such, but if I were all powerful, had created this Universe, wanted to be adored by the billions of people living here, I'd speak up and tell them to quit fucking around or they'll destroy everything I've created.
A press conference would be good, as long as FOX wasn't involved in any way. Or just open up the heavens and start talking in that booming God voice so often described in the Bible. What have these spirits been doing in the last two thousand years that's so damn important? Why can't they just drop in and say "hi"? It happened all the time in the Bible, then abruptly stopped. Why?

[tommcintyre]

8. Jez is a liberal, but his dad may not be ;+}

[Tsiyu]

9. According to my fundy sister, he's been with her

every second.

He's with her when she gets up and when she goes to sleep.

If something good happens, it's because she told God to make it happen.

He's with her when she treats people like crap because she's so full of rage; he tells her this woman has a "Spirit of Jezebel" or that man has been possessed by Satan.

In fact, she needs to have God by her side at all times because Satan is around every single corner.


He's with her when she stuffs her face with Reece's bars because she's only morbidly obese now and why stop there?

And God has been there though the last two years without a job - through every interview and every wait-by-the-phone, but God told her to vote for * because of unborn babies and homosexuals.


I'd ask her to share, but he keeps her from calling me.

[tommcintyre]

11. And they used to lock up people like that...

now they my lock us up for not being like that. (Bush wants mandatory mental health screening for all.) Anybody got a good set of French language tapes? ;~}

[Bridget Burke]

10. I'd settle for a few lightning bolts....

Applied judiciously. Preferably on live TV.

[eridani]

13. Jesus: Hey, Dad?

God: Yes, Son?
Jesus: Western Civilization followed me home. Can I keep it?
God: Certainly not! And put it down this minute--you don't know where it's been!

--Tom Robbins, Another Roadside Attraction

[President Jesus]

14. or instead of a press conference, how about delivering on that...

...rapture thing, ummkay? That would be awesome.