Tell me I shouldn't talk to my inlaws about why they voted for Bush.

[progmom]

My mother and father in-law are wonderful, kind, generous people who seem to be brainwashed by the republican party.
In the past, my FIL and I have had good-natured political sparring sessions - I didn't agree with his positions, but they didn't totally repulse me. But now, with so much evidence to show that Bush & Co are RW fundamentalist weirdos, how could my kind, rational, intelligent inlaws not only vote for Bush, but vocally object to my Kerry signs and bumper stickers? This is what I want to know. They're not religious, they're not wacko, they're not stupid. To me they're the perfect example of what's probably the majority of the Bush voters -- and I really want to ask them how they could vote for Bush.
But...I don't think there is a non-confrontational way to ask the question. And still, I really want to ask it.

[LSparkle]

1. I have never dreaded the holidays as much as I do this year

for exactly the reasons you've mentioned. I feel like the divide between right and left has become a chasm and I'm headed for a wrestling match when I get together with my family this year ...

[goddess40]

32. I'm staying home this Thanksgiving and Christmas

I won't be going to the in-laws because I refuse to have anything to do with the fascist element in either side of the family. I do plan on going to see my FIL and MIL the day after, if the bushbot portion of the relatives have crawled back under their rocks.

I've had a stress headache since Nov 3rd and I refuse to put up with those self-centered assholes.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

2. Uhm, how bout asking nicely and politely?

"Why did you vote for Bush?"

Then just shut up and listen, asking only polite, probing questions.

[BR_Parkway]

4. And don't interrupt to tell them why you think they are wrong

save that for an email or letter after you leave. To let them know that you respect their right to have their own opinions, it made you think so you did some research and here's the facts = you can 'safely' blame any wrong information that they have on the "liberal media", they are predisposed to think that's the reason that they get bad news already. Enjoy your holiday.

[Midlodemocrat]

8. You know, I have tried that

...but they get so strident it is just impossible to continue.

[crispini]

12. Agree... that's the way to foster dialog.

Also, read George Lakoff's "Don't Think of an Elephant" for great ideas about how to talk to conservatives.

[Pirate Smile]

3. Can you stay calm when you hear their answer? Do you think they

could actually give you a reason that doesn't make you want to hit your head up against a brick wall? Can it go anywhere good?

I'm in the same situation and I'm just going to avoid the topic as much as possible.

[GinaMaria]

5. My guess is they will tell you

it has to do with security. They were skeered by the bin laden tape or whatever. Is there any reason good enough? really? Is there any answer you would be satisfied with? You won't likely understand their reasons, no matter what they come up with.

I feel for people who have to spend the holidays with * voters. Think about spending the holidays with friends and not family.

[progmom]

13. Ah, if only it were just the holidays.

We live in the same town. My MIL watches my two-year-old once a week, and we have dinner with them at least once a month. On Sunday, my FIL asked my kid if he wanted to wear a Bush/Cheney campaign button (my Kerry-loving toddler declined - I am so proud!)

[Cross_and_Flag]

6. Many are lost

Many people have been fooled by the foolishness of the Republican Party.

[goddess40]

10. Do you have kids?

If you have kids ask your in-laws how could they expose your kids, and their grandchildren, to the very real possibility of the draft and having to go and risk their lives for a war based on lies.

[Winamericaback]

20. I tried that one

My Fiancee is draft age. my mother loves him like he is her own. When I asked her that, her response was well we will all just have to move to Canada.

Never mind that she bitched about Clinton moving to Canada not to serve in the draft and called him Un American but is that not seriously hypocritical?

[progmom]

29. I think even that would be too inflammatory.

It's basically saying: "Your vote might kill my kid" and I doubt that would be received well.

[newyawker99]

26. Hi Cross_and_Flag!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[PATRICK]

7. need to be kidnapped and deprogrammed

Put in a media free environment(no TV radio or other tainted input)Are presented with all the pictures out of Iraq and Darfur and all the actual decisions and actions of the regime.

This why the Dem leadership either itself is similarly brainwiped(at least in large part I am sure) or decided not to fight it and somehow sneak into the picture until they get some control over the message.

HOW they expect to ever do that even if by some freakish miracle they won the presidency is beyond me. The media will still be corporate Pravda and a foe as much as they are in Venezuela toward Chavez.

These people need to see the bodies.

[tk2kewl]

19. Ah, little Allex

[Threedifferentones]

9. I wouldn't bring the subject up, because you will probably only start

a fight and it sounds like you don't want that. If they bring it up, prepare a few well thought out, logical arguments of your own that explain why Bush is such a monster, and then politely say you really don't want to talk about it anymore. The key is to never let yourself get emotionally involved in a political conversation with people you have such close ties to, which I know is very hard these days but it's the only way you can avoid a fight. However, note that very few people around here will blame you if you do end up getting in a huge fight with them, as I've read quite a few posts from people who have stopped talking to the republicans in their family because they voted for Bush. I count myself lucky that the Democrats in my family greatly outnumber the republicans.


3DO

[theorist]

11. Do you know if they're single-issue voters or not?

These people are hard to talk with, because only one thing matters, whatever that may be. The only way to level with them is through education, but then again Democrats are the ones who populate the "fact based community".

[JVS]

14. What's the point of asking?

What do you hope to gain from it? Is it worth spending an evening arguing?

[progmom]

17. I guess they're the only (seemingly) rational Republicans I know

...and I have been struggling with the results of the election. I feel like I need to know what it is about the message of the Democrats that isn't connecting with people.
I seriously am not looking to pick a fight with these people, but I fear that there are too many emotions attached.

[tigereye]

21. I think it is a good question to ask

but maybe after the holidays... unless there is a soul-baring session at your house after the coffee and pie ( or beers) like their sometimes is at my p's house.

When my son's young teacher told me she was a Rep. I said, please tell me why, I don't know any Republican women, and it was true. I was teasing her a little, but not totally. I really did want to know. For her, it was apparently how she was raised.

[ElectroPrincess]

15. My parents are still in denial that my husband is actually a Democrat

The man is amazing. He doesn't agree with anything they say but smiles and nods at the appropriate pauses. I can't talk with my parents about politics but Hubby can sit there while they rave on. That's the gift of almost super human patience not found with many people. I would have pulled all my hair out ... damn he's good!

However, if you're a fiery like myself, don't discuss politics at all ... especially with in-laws if you wish to keep peace in the family. :-)

[MsFlorida]

16. Dont talk to them, take a cruise instead

I'm seriously exploring this option.

[Winamericaback]

18. There isn't a way

My In laws and my mother are all Republicans. My father is an atheist and a Democrat, I obviously get my views from my dad :)

ANYWAY

I had a discussion with my MIL who is the sweetest person in the world the day after the election, the conversation soon turned into a shouting match and she got violent. It was like she was possessed. I cannot talk about politics with her. She can't debate in an intelligent manner. My FIL is a different story, you can converse with him and I even got him to vote for Gore. But he voted for Bush this time and was very eloquent and used infallible reason as to why he did. But I can't get him to see my point about the WMD's and social issues because he thinks like most moderate Republicans that Roe V wade will never be overturned and that religion will never be in the classroom and there will never be an amendment banning gay Marriage.

So When these things happen (and they will) I think we will have an influx of people voting democratic just by default. They wont be able to deny anymore the things that they insist will never happen.

What I have noticed is that Republicans are more interested in Economic issues while Dems are more interested in social issues an human rights. If you want to argue with a Republican you have to do it on their turf. A lot of them agree with you on social issues they just don't think they are as important as economic issues. You need to find the flaws in their economic stance and debate that. I suggest everybody read Reason by Reich as it is very helpful in that regard.

[amber dog democrat]

22. I'd sooner talk about triple expansion steam engines or

merchandising during the middle ages than to even embark on that topic.

we would discuss shoes and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and kings and why the sea is boiling hot and whether Repugs have wings - FIRST.

if it came down to Round Heads vs Lobster Tails, or Yankees vs Rebels or
Reds vs Blues... wave off! wave off ! do not attempt to land.

another hors douver anyone ? How 'bout them Cowboys ?

[Maven]

23. A lot of it has to do with self-identification.

People who have identified themselves as "Republican" (for whatever reason) will defend the indefensible because it is "their" candidate, especially when they have identified with that party for decades. Making the switch requires, in some sense, forfeiting or at least reexamining one's identity. And that's not something Americans like to do.

Progressives assume that people will examine the issues and THEN pick a side, when in fact, it is often the opposite. That's why portraying one's own side as the natural winner (the "self-fulfilling prophecy" strategy) works well. Republicans understand this, and have used the "sports team" analogy greatly to their advantage.

Of course, it doesn't explain everything. But it does help to understand why old-school conservatives (i.e., the John Dean variety) would still support such a treacherous regime. I think our political strategy could use a foray into cognitive psych.

[catmandu57]

24. By January

The gulf that has grown between us will be so wide that even blind people will be able to feel it. It's going to be very apparent during these holiday gatherings that we don't have anything in common with these people anymore.
In a way I'm lucky, my family and I parted company long ago, I feel for my wife she has some hardcore freeps in her family, and I won't be attending any of her functions.

[Carni]

25. Good luck! I am not speaking to most of mine currently!

I was OK until they started rubbing my nose in their tax cut...it was all down hill from there!

If you want my advice...just don't ask them, because no matter what they say, you will just become even more annoyed!

[flygal]

27. Yep - all I get are the standard repug lines "liberal media" ..

"Sadam was evil"...."Kerry flip flops"

**banging head**

[ElectroPrincess]

28. I have to admit a secret pleasure of firing up my Mom

and her buds by mentioning Hillary Clinton. The hate is palatable. And please forgive me - because just "watching" this bizzaro show is almost as entertaining as bring up "gays in the military" with my red neck brothers.

Those of us who live "behind the lines" must have unique forms of entertainment, i.e., watching our beloved winger relatives emotionally spin-out.

[progmom]

30. I think I would derive a secret pleasure from that as well.

But my MIL does so much for us - babysitting my kid once a week, lending us $$ when we need it. I would hate to drive a wedge between us. Not to mention the harm it could do to the relationship with my husband. He doesn't agree with his parents' politics, but he loves them dearly.

[flygal]

37. LOL - I would go up to this old Repug guy I know and whisper...

"gun control" and run away - ROTFL!!

[progmom]

31. My FIL talks about the Liberal Media all the time too.

And there is nothing I can do/say to change his mind about that. He just stubbornly shakes his head and sets his jaw and repeats it.


:grr: :crazy:

[Carni]

36. Have they told you that the Internet is full of lies yet?

That was a popular standard remark when I was still speaking to my in laws...actually they said I was brainwashed by "bullshit" from the Internet.

I am telling you...there is no winning with the bushbots!

[colonel odis]

33. though they're your relatives, i'm not sure how you could talk to them in

the first place.

if someone voted for bush, that person is saying s/he believes saddam was behind 9/11, there were wmds in iraq, bankrupting the country is ok, and all the "moral values" crap has to do with either morals or values.

though i'm sure you love them very much, it would be very hard to look at them as intelligent, caring persons. they don't share your values. and what about the man they voted for has your respect?

tough call, i imagine. what might be even tougher to swallow is the answer they'd give if you asked why they voted for bush.

i have a cousin the same way. he's an ultra, ultra rightie. fortunately, he so condescending that he never discusses politics. he just assumes that if you agree with him there's nothing to talk about. and if you don't, then you're so stupid there's no point in him talking to you. a trying situation, indeed.

[proud_Kucitizen]

35. I can't believe so many are having

this same problem. I felt like I was the only one in the World who can hardly even stomach seeing my own relatives.

Inlaws are both Republicans and my father votes only on gun control issue, my mom listens to my dad too much and whenever I try to talk to her she only cares about her own little miniscule problems. My brother says he's independent but his fascist attitudes toward gays and the liberal media tells a different story.

Anyway, just wanted to say it helps to know I am not alone.

[mitchum]

34. Just point out that they will probably die before you will

[The Straight Story]

38. Throwing this out there

People often don't like to discuss such things at a family gathering - for instance, suppose they started to discuss some religion with you and why you should follow it's ideals and beliefs.

Now, that said, maybe they would like to know why you didn't. But even then, what do either of you (if that were the case) hope to accomplish? If they percieve you wish to convert them, or make them look like they are idiots for voting for whom they did, then they may well get defensive at which point logic changes (and understandbly so, by that I mean most of us would not normally kill someone but if defended ourselves would - ie, we change how we act dependent on the scenario). While that was an extreme example it does, to me, have some relevance.

One way I would suggest is to bring up things they don't like about * in a coy way and use the term 'the government' within that. Example would be "Ya know, with bush in a second term and all I hope he can get the government to finally do something about this outsourcing thing." which could lead into more robust discussion - ok, maybe not the best example, but the idea is not to put them on the defensive whole hog, many republicans I know don't like government as a whole as they feel it is too big, even though * is not shrinking it they feel he is growing it at less a rate than Kerry would have. Attack the government at a base level and drive that train for awhile hopefully eiliciting more from them on things they don't like about the government. Then you could drop in how * and crew have been in power and nothing has changed even with a majority. Maybe they will see his failings, from their arena, and it will slowly grate on them over time.

At any rate, just some ranting ideas.

[Sodium Pentothal]

39. Hi. this is easy. DO NOT DO IT!

If you value your relationship with them, never talk politics. Ever! I had a bit of a falling out with some relatives who refused to see anything evil in what *co has done. It is pointless to fight them, they have to get it on their own.

Its ok to disagree with them on politics, but never try to sway them, or tutor them in the ways of their ignorance.

[Yupster]

40. Tell them about their grandkids

That's what they want to hear from you. They don't want to hear your politics.

My advice is to not get involved in political discussions with your in-laws, especially if they are older.

Even if you succeed in making your points, what have you accomplished? You've made your mother-in-law feel stupid. Great. That will not serve you well in the future.