Hey, fundigelicals: Jesus wasn't even a real Christian!! Who's with me?

[DenverDem]

<http://yhwh.com/Thoughts/jesusloser.htm>

Great satirical fundi website. (At least, I THINK it's satirical).

  "Jesus was a loser and a coward, it's just that plain and simple.  Just listen to this tripe:
Mt 5:38 "You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 
39 But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.
44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 
45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 
46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 
47 And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 
48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Can you believe this coward?  This is shameful, really.  And very un-Christian."

[greyfox]

1. I do hope....

that is a spoof of the Shrub war plans....

[On the Road]

2. I Think Jesus Would Have Repudiated Paul

His brother and everyone who knew him certainly thought Paul was a heretic.

[ewagner]

3. Agree....n/t

[Pathwalker]

22. They're Paulists - they don't really follow Jesus' teachings.

But don't try telling them that.

[BeTheChange]

31. I wish there were more Johnists. nt

[Taxloss]

39. I believe that should be Paulines.

But I might be wrong.

[Ladyhawk]

40. Paulists and Old Testonians. :)

[immoderate]

4. Looks like a put on to me...

Here's an example:

Sure, occasionally the whole peaceful resistance thing gets lucky and works, like when Gandhi helped free the entire Indian continent from hundreds of years of British oppression without a single gunshot or raised fist. Hey, even a stopped clock is right twice a day, everyone knows that. But he was only a pagan Hindu, instead of a real Christian. And India finally came to its senses anyway, and developed their own military and nuclear bombs. So there.

It's pretty funny, whether he meant it or not.

--IMM

[Name removed]

5. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[datasuspect]

6. i'd feel better

if he was.

at least he would be more fun to be around.

[chieftain]

15. Actually , He didn't dress all that well but all the other stuff was

correct and since He never left his mother , we were sure that He was Irish .

[alfredo]

24. And what was with the young boy in

the garden with him as they came to arrest him? The boy got away, so we will never know for sure. Why was he naked under his robe?

[porphyrian]

7. Jesus was a Jew.

He was a radical Rabbi. He was long dead before people created Christianity, regardless of what you believe about him.

[DenverDem]

9. "They ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore."

From the brilliant Kinky Friedman.

<http://www.mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm?SongID=7254>

THEY AIN'T MAKIN' JEWS LIKE JESUS ANYMORE
(Kinky Friedman)

Well, a redneck nerd in a bowling shirt was a-guzzlin' Lone Star beer
Talking religion and-uh politics for all the world to hear.
They oughta send you back to Russia, boy, or New York City one,
You just want to doodle a Christian girl and you killed God's only son.

I said, "Has it occurred to you, you nerd, that that's not very nice,
We Jews believe it was Santa Claus that killed Jesus Christ!
"You know, you don't look Jewish, he said," near as I could figger
I had you lamped for a slightly anemic, well-dressed country nigger.

cho: No, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore,
They don't turn the other cheek the way they done before.
He started in to shoutin' and spittin' on the floor,
Lord, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore.

He says, "I ain't a racist but Aristitle Onassis is one Greek we don't need,
And them niggers, Jews and Sigma Nus, all they ever do is breed.
And wops and micks and slopes and spics and spooks are on my list
And there's one little hebe from the heart of Texas-- is there anyone
I missed ?

Well, I hits him with everything I had right square between the eyes.
I says, "I'm gonna gitcha, you son of a bitch ya, for spoutin' that pack of
lies.
If there's one thing I can't abide, it's an ethnocentric racist;
Now you take back that thing you said 'bout Aristitle Onassis.

No, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore,
We don't turn the other cheek the way we done before.
You could hear that honky holler as he hit that hardwood floor,
Lord, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore.

No, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore,
They ain't making carpenters who know what nails are for.
Well, the whole damn place was singin' as I strolled right out the door
Lord ... they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore.

copyright Kinky Friedman

[noonwitch]

20. I agree-he also may have been involved with the Essenes

A mystical sect of judiasm that pretty much lived the lifestyle preached by Jesus.

[porphyrian]

26. That would go along with his time in the desert.

That, and staying away from Roman officials.

[ibegurpard]

8. He most certainly wasn't a Christian

Because they didn't exist until he came along.

[Shakespeare]

10. Actually, if you believe what's in the gospels, he was.

He was baptized, which is the key ritual in becoming a christian.

[porphyrian]

11. So, he worshipped himself? - n/t

[Shakespeare]

12. What an odd response.

I'm almost inclined not to reply, because my guess is you're baiting, and I don't really have any interest in that.

IF one follows the gospels, he was the savior. He set the initial example for how one is to live one's life, and he worshiped the creator. One of those examples was baptism, which--whether one is a christian or not--is a fascinating ritual of rebirth. Different belief systems have similar rituals, and I find them all quite interesting.

I'm not sure why his being baptized would elicit that question....

[porphyrian]

17. Was Jesus a Christian?

Christians are a radical sect of Judaism that believe the Messiah has come, despite the fact that the definition of the Messiah is the one who brings peace to the earth, which we have yet to see. Christians worship Jesus as this Messiah, citing selected quotes he may or may not have made while ignoring others (such as the Gospel of Thomas). Simply employing the ritual of baptism does not make Jesus a Christian, as that practice was and is employed by many non-Christians as well. My point is that Christians worship Jesus as the Messiah - the real defining characteristic of Christianity, and that Jesus did not, thus he was not a Christian, but a radical Jewish Rabbi.

[Cadence]

23. I don't know if that question was baiting

because I didn't have that intention and that was the first thing that came to mind "was he worshiping himself?"

Honestly, I thought of it because most people who call themselves Christian don't follow his example and become baptized to worship the creator, they become baptized to worship him. But the "not following his example part" is what is most glaring to me with people that call themselves Christian. Most people I have met that are actually living that lifestyle legitimately caring about people and humanity, trying to make a difference do believe in Christ but they call themselves spiritual but not religious. It's just been my experience that people that step away from dogma actually find a more real connection in terms of living his example.

[Selteri]

13. Baptism - Has been used in other symbolic

By being baptized in water he was completing a Rabbinical ritual of that time, remember, they still sacrificed sheep and burned them to make God happy.

There were baptisms in water from 'holy' pond/lakes, anointments by various oils and oils from herbs and there were traditional fasting rituals. These were part of the prescribed ritual for the Messiah to take. In them included Frankincense and Murr.

The Pharisees were much in the same state as the leadership of this cabinet, many of them the sons or grandsons of the richest and members of the elite priesthood. Such as Rumsfield, the son of a strict Baptist Preacher.

Baptisms are generally regarded in ancient times as parts of a cleansing, such as a baptism by water or fire, both served similar purposes, yet had separate meanings.

For fun, try to name present and nominated Administration members who had a Priest or priestly type of relative. I know a few and it's amazing how history repeats itself.

[cidliz2004]

33. No, believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins so that you may be

saved is what is the essence of Christianity - - - -read the Bible

The gift of dying on the cross and our sins being forgiven is what makes Christians

[DenverDem]

16. He was, like, the FIRST Christian.

Or something.

[porphyrian]

18. Nope. He was a Jew.

He didn't worship himself as the Messiah.

[Cadence]

25. He also didn't try to create

an organized religion and he didn't personally write the bible. He actually didn't write anything down for people to go by. He didn't build any churches either did he?

So his take on getting "close to the creator" was basically helping people.

[DenverDem]

28. See post #9.

His message transcended the judgemental legalism that is Jewishness.

[cidliz2004]

34. correction: after Jesus was crucified

[Cleita]

14. Christ was a Greek word for savior placed on Jesus of Nazareth

by St. Paul the Apostle in order to have an appeal for Gentiles as well as the Jewish Nazarenes who believed Jesus was the Messiah. Jesus was Jewish through and through. Some even believe he was a Rabbi, or teacher.

[whosinpower]

19. I posted this earlier....

and got stomped on for giving DU a bad image - because I did not explicitly explain it was satire and did not put appropriate punctuation in the subject line.

I thought it was funny in a hypocritical sort of way....guess I shall cease posting here from now on...going into lurkdom.

[Nordic]

21. today's fundies would have burned Jesus at the stake

today's fundies are just plain evil and psychotic.

You cannot possibly read the words of Jesus, live by them, and be a fundie.

They are diametrically opposed.

[Cadence]

27. I agree

I heard a fundie interview the other day on c-span and she was saying she wished Jesus would choose now to come back.

I thought yeah but you would just crucify him if he did because you don't know what your looking for. They wouldn't be able to see him because he would be helping the poor and the sick. Not allying himself with the rich and the powerful. He would oppose war. He would want healthcare for all children or probably actually, just healthcare for all. The list goes on.

[China_cat]

29. Just a few words

Michael Moorcock's "Behold the Man"

Read it.

[rniel]

30. Jesus is closer to a Dennis Kuchinich type than a George Bush

Can't people see it???

[cidliz2004]

32. Actually he wasn't

Christianity didn't exist until after Jesus was crucified on the cross.

[brainwashed]

35. nor was he divine

The early christians did not consider Jesus divine. They believed in one god, period. Jesus was their teacher. Only when the Council of Nicea met around 325 AD did Constantine insist on Jesus being a deity for political reasons and they had to come up with the compromise known as the trinity.

[ezekiel333]

36. Correct

And his name wasn't "Jesus" it was Yeshua. He also taught adherence to the the Torah, the first five books of the Old Testament, which before that writing was intentionally edited included his fathers name, YHWH.

The fundamental flaw with today's fundie anti-Christians is that they are not "Christ Like" or "fundamental", they are acting against their own "professed" religion either through sheer ignorance, willful disregard, or willing accomplice to the anti-Christ. If they REALLY studied their own history they would be quite shocked at how they have been duped. Of course that would require a level of thinking that they are evidently incapable of.

And fellow "Christian" DUer's before you jerk one knee I would invite you to study the basics before you flame.

[brainwashed]

37. thinking vs belief

Thinking, especially thinking for yourself, is not highly encouraged by the fundies. You would think that if they were so interested in christianity they would study the actual history. I do think that it is more profitable for current christian leaders to get their fleeced flock to believe whatever they are told rather than to actually learn anything about their religion.

[slutticus]

38. Jesus was a liberal Jew. (nt)