A top ten list

[NightTrain]

A Top-Ten list by John Schwenk
Nov. 21, 2004

Top Ten Reasons Why John Kerry Isn’t Contesting a Second Apparently
Stolen Election:

10. He’s just too nice a guy to fight like that.

9. He gets a certain sadomasochistic pleasure from watching the country be driven into the ground.

8. He didn’t want to mar the Democrats' image as wimps and losers.

7. He wanted to score points over the Green and Libertarian parties by making them pay for the Ohio recount.

6. The chance that exit polls would differ so much from the election
results has been calculated as one in two hundred and fifty million,
but he needs there to be no doubt.

5. He’s hoping to use the same techniques to steal it back next time.

4. Teresa really is a Bush supporter.

3. He thought he could "hunt down and kill" more terrorists,
personally, if he re-enlisted instead.

2. He only said he’d fight in order to get votes. Now that the
election’s over, what’s the point?

1. Even this way, there’ll still be a Bonesman* in the White House!



*A "Bonesman" is a member of Skull & Bones, the secretive private
fraternal organization at Yale. Members are said to have an allegiance to one another and to seek and assist one another in attaining positions of power in society. Both George W. Bush and John Kerry are members of the club.