CNN - "STAND BY FOR HARD NEWS"

[trof]

That's what it said, right there under Wolf "The Iron Man of News" Blitzer's lapels.
HARD NEWS
What the hell is HARD NEWS?
As opposed to soft news?
And is this HARD NEWS segment brought to you by Viagra?
Naw.
That'd be TOO much to ask.
Even from CNN.
They're getting to be funnier than The Daily Show.

[mmonk]

1. Hard to find news?

[MADem]

4. It's a BushCo thing

They just love that word, HARD.

It's HARD WORK, I tell ya, HARD WORK, to dig up HARD NEWS....

LameStream Media...buncha bums! Brought to you by Cialis, Levitra, and our ole pal, Viagra!

[jeff30997]

2. HARD NEWS

It sounds like the title of a porn movie.

[trof]

6. Does sound kinda kinky.

[IHeart1993]

9. That's how CNN makes $$$ on the side.

I'm Kidding!

[meisje]

3. It's Hard Work

faking the news

[TexasChick]

41. Yes! It's so hard pulling stuff out of our asses to make the Chimp look

glorious and resolute!

[MsAnthropy]

5. Do they mean real news instead of the stuff they make up?

[newsguyatl]

7. hard news means

non "fluff" news...

ie, news on the war in iraq versus a story of a puppy who saved a kid's life. the former being hard news.

wolf's been saying this for well over a year.

[trof]

11. Who came up with "the iron man" of whatever it is?

[newsguyatl]

13. not sure, i think

a tv news reviewer referred to him as that a while back.

[tmooses]

8. Correction: Stand by for "Hardly News".

[TexasChick]

42. LOL! That was hysterical!! ROFL!! n/t

[Walt Starr]

10. They'll show full insertion

rather than insinuate full insertion as is the case with Soft News.

[whistle]

19. Fox has "Fair and Balanced News" even though it is anything...

...but fair and balanced. Well, now CNN came claim it has the "Hard News" about something, like the hard facts, or hard but true. It's weak I know, but hey, they are at least trying to come up with something catchy. Other possible slogans to consider:

- Erect and Up-right News

- Straight News You Can Use

- Tight News

This is going way off the charts. They should try namer.com

[trof]

37. I just got that.

I am SO not with it today.
This cold sux.

[Beetwasher]

12. Wolf Blitzer Here, With Some Hard, Stiff News. And it's Large News Too

It's so hard and stiff and large, I just don't know what to with this news...Hmmm, I have an idea...

[LSparkle]

15. Made me LOL!

[dean_dem]

14. Hard News=No Spin Zone=Fair and Balanced

Its all the same garbage.

Frankly, I want to see a news shows that are advertised as "No Bullshit news- we cover the stories those other news pussies don't touch! We beat newsmakers into submission until they crying and begging for their mamas! All to bring you the straight story! Coming up tonight, we yell and abuse Scott Peterson's attorney until he admits Scott eats babies and kicks his Grandmother!"

It would be huge, I swear.

[LSparkle]

17. Draft Tweety

he's got the lungs of a wrestling announcer.

[tsuki]

43. But not the work ethic. n/t

[trof]

27. See? That's it!

It's like "OK now, we're getting ready to tell you about what we're gonna tell you about. What we're gonna tell you is NEWS. We're a news channel. That's what we do. Tell the news. So if we say it's news, it is by god NEWS. So listen up now. There's some NEWS a-comin'.
And NOW, HERE'S THE NEWS!
HARD NEWS
FAIR AND BALANCED NEWS
BREAKING NEWS!
IT'S NEW NEWS!!!"

[MatrixEscape]

16. Hard for aware and insightful people to believe news? n/t

[0rganism]

18. Viagra story on the way! Woohoo!

Maybe someday, Ron Jeremy will become a news anchor.

[Neecy]

20. pfffffft

They really do try to make Blitzer into some kind of rough, tough icon ('hard news' - 'iron man') and it's all so ridiculous, given his tiny stature, his puffy, unhealthy face and his simpering. My Lhasa Apso could rough up that little forest gnome and have him crying for his mama.

[katinmn]

21. I remember Blitzer when they set him out in the oil fields

during Desert Storm and those things (what were they called?)were whizzing by his head. Wow. Instant hero -- or -- dumb shit.

Something must have gone off too close to his head.

[trof]

22. Bullets?

;-)

[Quakerfriend]

24. Oh my........Thanks for the laugh people!!

:9

[MissB]

28. Scuds?

Thinking of Arthur Kent, perhaps? The Scud Stud...

[katinmn]

39. that's it. Scuds.

Wolf was just a pup in those days.

[htuttle]

25. You're right -- maybe he should find a MORE masculine sounding name...

...like "Rock Crusher" or something.

ps. I think his real name is Leslie.

[trof]

33. Yeah, he's named after one of Santa's reindeer for god's sake.

Well, almost.
;-)

[Hard Attack]

23. This is Hard News - http://www.HardNewsNow.com

http://www.HardNewsNow.com

I love it when Wolf indirectly Plugs it every night.

[nostamj]

26. "HARD NEWS" uh, wasn't that

the name of the porn flick based on "WKRP in Cincinnati"?

with Dick Timber as "Johnson Fever"?

I *could* be wrong. :shrug:

[trof]

30. That's funny whether true or not.

thanks
Dick Timber
<hee>

[nostamj]

34. and introducing Gennifer

as "Jennifer"

[Solly Mack]

29. How long should I stand by? days? weeks? months? years?

[trof]

35. OK, standby to standby.

Back of the line for you.
;-)

[Solly Mack]

36. Well, ok...but I'm not holding my breath!

:)

[Stew225]

31. News about what's up with Viagra? eom

[BiggJawn]

32. What??? they're FINALLY going to start reporting the TRUTH????

I doubt it.
Dr. Gupta is probably going to demonstrate how fast Cialis works....

"Paging Dr. Gup...SPROING-G-G-G-G-G-G-G!!!!!!"

[katinmn]

40. LOL!!!

:D Jeepers, this is a funny thread!

[Stinky The Clown]

38. News as pornography

Hard News is the stuff that looks like facts all slanted to one side (the right). Think hard core pink porn.

Soft News is the stuff that shows some sliver of news with a left bias, but then gets quickly discounted ..... a tease .... just like girlie pics rated R.

No wonder we're always feeling fucked.

Anybody got a cigarette ............. ?

[tsuki]

44. OMG, I'm smoking. Sigh. n/t

[Guarionex]

45. SO...WHAT'S THE HARD NEWS?