Just when you thought it was safe to run a knitting retreat . . .

[knitter4democracy]

I'm putting on a knitting retreat this March, and the first thing I did was send an e-mail out to my list of former students to let them know. One of them e-mailed me back saying she was all excited about coming and wanted to know more. I e-mailed back some information, and then I got this e-mail from her today:

"You know, I was very excited about this weekend until I got to the part "Knitters Against Bush: Don't Unravel Our Rights!" I think it is very presumptuous of you to put something like that on an e-mail and send it to people you have no idea where their loyalties are. I for one am a Bush supporter! Very proud to be one and very proud of him as a President! Please take my name off your e-mail list!"

Wow. So this is what the Great Uniter has driven his supporters to. I wasn't going to even answer it at first, but this is what I sent after a bit of thought:

"Dear XXXX,

Of course I will remove you from my e-mail list if that is your wish. I never wanted to offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings, and yet, my politics are also very important to me. Would you have been equally offended if I had a signature line quoting the Bible or saying how important my Christian faith is to me? If I had a line at the end saying something you agreed with, would that make it okay?

I am not offended that you are a Bush supporter--that is your right and your decision. In fact, it doesn't bother me at all, really. When I get e-mails from friends that have signature line supporting Bush, I don't write those friends off as people I never want to talk to or see again; I just know that it's a part of who they are. I am sorry that you feel you want to have nothing to do with me or my classes and retreats simply because of my political beliefs.

Do you think that I'll turn the weekend into some Democratic Party rally? Why would I do that? That's not what it's about, and it would have no place at the retreat. I assure you, I will make sure that it doesn't even come up, but something tells me that all the assurances in the world won't change your mind.

I am truly sorry that you have chosen to be so angry about this. I hope you can find a way to come through your anger to a place of forgiveness and understanding that is right for you.

Blessings as always,
Carina Gunnerson"

Was I wrong to even send anything back? Is this just going to make things worse? I'm really upset about this: I did not want to offend anyone, just let them know who I am. Apparently, she can't even allow herself to be in the presence of someone who disagrees with her, so I should just write her off . . . but I thought she was nice and a decent friend. So much for us all being American and having the right to speak out minds . . .

Thoughts?

[KitchenWitch]

1. Your response was appropriate

Very well thought out and reasoned!

[KurtNYC]

2. I think your response was excellent

Not argumentative. Just further explains things. I don't see a downside.

[wicket]

3. You were right to respond

And your response was good- simple and to the point. How long have you known this person?

[oldtime dfl_er]

4. a very good response

and I wonder what this person is afraid of...that if she attends your knitting retreat she might come home gay or black or ???!!!??? :)

[liveoaktx]

5. Are you charging for the retreat?

If I got, for example, an email for an event that would cost that had a "Knitters for Bush- Solidarity and Unity" listed in the midst of other non-political events, I would assume the whole event was colored by some fanatic Bushbots and cancel. Even if it's free, and the organizer of the retreat told me her feelings for Bush weren't going to infuse the event, being around someone who was an obviously avid Bush supporter, the organizer, all weekend wouldn't make me comfortable.

So cut her some slack. I'm the kind of person that wouldn't want to be in the presence, all weekend, of an avid Bush supporter, particularly on an event that would seem relazing. I quit watching MSM news entirely because of all the bullchit-the people on those shows speak their minds all they want but I don't listen, I change the channel. That's all this woman is doing-too bad she's for the Tormenter.

[knitter4democracy]

14. Yes, I am, and apparently that's part of the problem

She e-mailed me back, and apparently her issue is that she doesn't think business people should show any political or religious beliefs or affiliations at all.

"Unless you're knitting retreat is part of a church group and people know
that up front, I don't think you should have a signature line quoting
the Bible. The same goes for your political beliefs. You have a right
to support anyone you want, but don't assume I feel the same way you
do.

Not angry at all, just think you should hold your beliefs to yourself
as a business person unless asked."

I e-mailed her back (sorry, lost my answer somehow), asking how I could possibly think that she wasn't angry when most of her sentences ended in exclamation points. I told her also that sig lines are merely that: signatures. They aren't to convince anyone of anything or try to change anyone's mind, merely quotes or statements of belief or affiliation (from Christians to Cubs fans). I told her that we would miss her from the retreat but that it was obviously her choice.

I understand that knowing people's beliefs to be different that yours can make anyone uncomfortable, especially when you're going to be spending a good bit of time with them. I just don't see why she, a woman who works at a college, would make such a drastic choice as to boycott a fun retreat simply because of this. Maybe it's because I'm surrounded by Bush supporters and just don't listen to them a whole lot on anything important to me--I'm used to tuning them out.

Oh, well.

[sierrajim]

19. Work and personal opionions don't mix well

So I will have to agree with liveoaktx I have been in same position before and it was very uncomfortable.

[knitter4democracy]

21. You're right

I'm setting up an e-mail addy just for the business tonight, actually, to make sure this kind of crap doesn't happen again. Of course, it probably will when I open up the shop because I'm really bad at keeping my opinions to myself . . . ;)

[UTUSN]

6. It's a Beautiful Response, But Mine Would Have Been, "F*** You!" n/t

[NV Whino]

7. Very broad minded of you.

Frankly, I write off (former) friends who are avid Bush supporters. People who can blindly support him and his policies are not people I want to be around.

Edit: typo

[achtung_circus]

8. Well, what you did is called

taking the high road. Don't let ANYTHING prevent you from taking that road. Not fear of someone's response or fear of seeming "inappropriate" or fear that it is currently the road apparently less travelled.

Live your life, be good (or at least careful).

[gratuitous]

9. You will never regret a gracious response

And yours was quite nice. Don't be surprised if you get a response from XXXX in one of two ways: (1) Really telling you off, which means that you shamed her far more than a dozen fundamentalist revival meetings could have done; or (2) With something vaguely conciliatory, perhaps even nice, which means that though you shamed her, she is a big enough person to admit a mistake, and may possibly be open to personal growth. If you get the second response, XXXX may be someone with whom you could have a continuing relationship. I hope that's the route it goes.

[knitter4democracy]

15. She chose option #3: say she wasn't angry

See my post above where I quoted it, but her reply was interesting. How could I think anything but that she was angry? Maybe she wasn't shouting, but she was obviously upset to use so many exclamation points. She also went on to say that she was right--that no business person has any right to freedom of speech. I find that odd, frankly, considering how many companies in our area slap any old Christian symbol they can find on their logos and advertising (one car sales place even going to far as to call the business "the Christian Car Company"). I'm sure she uses them, too.

[K-W]

17. If she cant handle free expression there are other countries in this world

Where she wouldnt ever have to hear anything that didnt fit with the ruling parties ideology.

You should explain to her that you get to put that in your email because you are an american, and that participating in the american economy should never require giving up the rights of an american.

[knitter4democracy]

20. I wanted to say that, actually

How odd that she wants all business people to keep all opinions to themselves--does she include our President in that? He was kind of a business person. Not to be nasty, but I am a bit mad about that.

[Wiley50]

10. I think I would have told them

to tend to their knittin'.

[Wiley50]

11. I think I would have told them

to tend to their knittin'.

[dryan]

12. One of my best friends...

was the Field Director for Bush/Cheney here in Central Florida. We made a pact to not discuss politics. PS - I think your response was very gracious.

[PDX Bara]

13. Very gracious response

...and now you both know where you each stand. She could have just politely declined and kept her big fat mouth shut. A former sister-in-law who I call a "Born again Republican" (changed from Dem to Repug when they got a few assets and fell in love with guns) was politely informed that she was no longer welcome in my home if she was going to scream at me about her obviously differing political views. Why should I have put up with that in my own home? Now her husband is in pretty bad physical condition, headed for major back surgery...who does she think put in place a lot of the safety nets that they may very well need sometime in the not too far distant future?

[OhioBlue]

16. your response was perfect

don't let it upset you - if she was offended, its her problem. She's probably driving around with a big 'ol W sticker on her car and offending me. lol

[knitter4democracy]

18. Thank you!

Everyone here sure made me feel better. I'm going to establish a new e-mail address for my business, and so I hope that clears everything up.

[MGKrebs]

22. If they are coming from out of town,

remind them to pack those needles in their checked luggage! Surely they don't allow knitting needles as carry-on anymore.

[knitter4democracy]

23. Certain needles are fine

If they're plastic or bamboo and short, most needles are fine. For example, most knitters are getting away with knitting socks on shorter sock-sized double-points (5-6" long), but there have been stories of even that not being allowed. The latest odd thing to make the list are the old-fashioned yarn cutters (round blades surrounded by brass with only small cut-outs to let the yarn get to the blade that are decorative and hang on necklaces or chatelaines). Yeah, I could totally hold up a plane with something I can't even cut myself on . . .

[GumboYaYa]

24. Totally off-topic, but

tell us more about the kniting retreat. It sounds like a lot of fun. My wife is a fantastic knitter and I make a passing attempt at it.

[chookie]

25. Hear hear!

Here in Pittsburgh, a lot of the knitters are VERY antiBush. A young woman once joked with me that she felt she was walking in the footsteps of Madame LeFarge; I know that's how I feel these days.

I too would love to hear more about this retreat.

[knitter4democracy]

28. About the retreat

It's from March 4-6 at a nice bed and breakfast in SW Michigan (check out their website, http://www.castleinthecountry.com). On Friday night, we're having a dessert party catered by a trained pastry chef. On Saturday, the class will be from 9-4, with a nice lunch break from noon to one. The class will cover intermediate knitting techniques--knitting 6" squares, with each focusing on one or two particular techniques from afterthough pockets and i-cord to buttonholes and kitchener stitch. The squares then sew up into a toddler activity pillow (or a nice wall hanging or pillow for your knitting chair). After the class, we'll take a break and then have a nice catered dinner with three choices, one vegetarian. For those staying at the B&B, Sunday breakfast will be the end of a nice knitting weekend.

I'm pricing everything a la carte so that people can pick and choose what they want to do. I know the B&B's a bit pricy, but each room has a private bathroom, and several suites have hot tubs, so it's worth it. It's going to be a really nice weekend, and the total price is less than what a lot of other places are charging, from what I've been able to tell.

I hope you can come! It'll be fun!

[sandnsea]

26. If the opposite occurred

And I had gotten an invitation to a retreat from someone with Biblical scripture in the email or some Republican mumbo-jumbo, I'd have asked to be removed from the email list. I honestly don't know why you're surprised or why you chose to add that to a "non-partisan" retreat email anyway.

[knitter4democracy]

27. Honestly, I had forgotten that it was on there

It's been my sig line so long that I'd forgotten about it. That's why I was suprised at first. Secondly, most of the people in my area feel no compulsion to hold back from sharing their religious or political beliefs, so it was a bit suprising to get flack for it. Lastly, like I said, I don't mind other people's beliefs or even when they try to convince me of anything. If it's a knitting retreat, I'm going, regardless of the political beliefs of the teacher or shop owner. I guess I was suprised that someone would limit her social life to people who only agree with her--but given a couple of the responses on this thread, I guess I shouldn't have been.

[knitter4democracy]

29. Well, she e-mailed me twice after this

and her tone just got nastier. I finally told her to leave me alone--she got what she wanted and now should just drop it. Sheesh! What is it about one freakin' sig line that would make someone that upset? I feel like I'm in some Orwell plot . . .

The only time I responded in anger to a political e-mail was when it was, like, the fourth one I'd received from a college friend and I had just had it with her evangelical/political crap. The thing is, she and I had a great dialogue about it. She re-read the forward, apologized for the political spin she hadn't seen the first time, and we ended up reconnecting for the first time in years. Why can't people just listen and agree to disagree?

[Bouncy Ball]

30. I think you were nicer than you had to be.