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A little story i wrote up, lemme know! (sorry, it's long)

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ashmanonar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jan-07-05 08:50 PM
Original message
A little story i wrote up, lemme know! (sorry, it's long)

The following is an excerpt from the diaries of Dr. E. J. Peabody, renowned historian, archeologist and first temporal archeologist of the 24th century.
“With the advent of temporal displacement transport technology, a whole new field of archeological research was opened up, that of ‘direct experience’ archeology, in which men and women of our time could see, feel, and touch the past world, and study that world with great accuracy. With my reputation for working and surviving in dangerous parts of the world, I was chosen as the first to travel through time and ‘touch’ the past.
“My mission was simple: to travel into the bygone past of an important section of history, and study the lost world of that time period; then I would return and share my experiences with my colleagues. I hadn’t thought that the experience would be nearly as dangerous and frightening as it turned out to be. Only by superior technology and my wariness did I go unnoticed, and the memory of my experience has hung so heavily upon me that I can not tell my friends and colleagues, even my family, about what I had seen and heard in the past. The visions still haunt me…
“I had departed with pomp and ceremony, charged with a great mission: to study a part of the world in a time that had left behind few traces of knowledge, one that had been obliterated in a brutal high-tech war long ago, so that only direct study could be undertaken. I entered my Temporal Displacement pod, with all the gear and supplies I’d need for a few weeks’ research, and set the time coordinates to a time reference well before the catastrophic war ruined the region I was to set down in.
“With a flare and flash of temporal fireworks, I was gone, and then suddenly, the city loomed about me, imposing gray cinder block buildings that were as ugly as they were utilitarian. I had already engaged the stealth unit of the pod, so that it could not be detected by the somewhat primitive devices of the day, and then put on the Windwalker suit that would keep me from sight. I stepped from the tiny pod into a city straight out of legend; almost mystical in my time, now made suddenly and horribly real. At first glance, the city seemed massive and imposing, but I soon realized that it was only the shadowy remnants of a much greater and larger city that sat crumbling on the horizon. There were only a few people on the street, dressed in the soiled and baggy clothes, mostly brown and gray, that spoke of poverty as eloquently as no man’s words could. The civilians were mostly women, as there were few men that did not wear some sort of uniform. These uniformed men wore the badge either of a civil law enforcement officer, or that of a governmental soldier, relegated to patrol duty in the city. All were armed, rather heavily, and their rather archaic projectile weapons seemed to have that special scent and look of a weapon used regularly. I avoided these men, even though I was invisible, as they had the horrible look of men accustomed to death and blood.
“The streets of this city were grimy and covered in the dust of ill maintenance, and seemed to be unkempt. None of the civilian people drove vehicles of any kind, all walked quickly and with the frightened air of a servile rabbit. Only the rich and powerful had cars, it seemed, and they drove quickly through the streets paying little attention to any pedestrians that actually showed their faces on the street. Enormous posters and signs portrayed the “benevolent leader” of this place, his rather dull face and unintelligent eyes staring out at “his” people, urging them to be productive and efficient, and also urging them to inform on their fellow people, especially those of ‘ethnic origin’ and those ‘Not of The Master Race.’ The last two references sickened me, referring to the people who were not of the state race and religion. Several times I saw nests of ‘rebels’ and ‘religious deviants’ being routed out of basements and cellars, and shot mercilessly in the street.
“I resolved to make my way to the city that lay along the horizon, and study it after I had walked along a few more streets. The sights I saw along these roads seemed to grow more and more horrible, as I walked further and further towards my goal. From a shadowy menace, the men in uniform began to show a mean streak, often arresting pedestrians for merely looking up when they were spoken to. One woman resisted, and soldiers brutally clubbed her to the ground with the stocks of their weapons. Another woman was sadistically shot while trying to stop the officers from taking her hard-earned food from her basket. I turned away at that, after nearly crying out loud at the horrible sight. Once, when a single soldier was harassing an older woman, I took action. He was about to club her with his gun, when I came from behind and knocked him out with the taser I carried for protection. She broke away running, but I simply dragged the limp body into a doorway and moved quickly away.
“After seeing a multitude of horrible and sadistic things, I headed out towards the Forbidden City, as it seemed to be called by the people of the brick capitol city. After only an hour’s walk, I set foot on the crumbling streets of a ruined and much older city. The name of the city in its earlier days was forgotten; only the name Forbidden City held any play with the people of that time.
“The ‘wise and benevolent leader’ of the land had banned the Forbidden City, and no reason was ever recorded as given for the ban. But if one considered the lack of historical documents of the time, it’s not surprising that reasons for illogical bans are not forthcoming.
“Surprisingly, the Forbidden City seemed more alive and vital than the dead and deserted streets of the capitol. Small groups of people lived in nearly the same poverty, but seemed far happier out from under the yoke of the imperial rule. Even so, more graffito and posters decorated the rubble and ruins of the city, promoting the ‘Great Leader’ and casting a pall across the city that was only brightened by the spirit of the people living there. These people were free, whereas the others living in the capitol were not. This was one bit of heartening news about this time period: even though poverty and tyranny were the rule, there were exceptions of freedom and wealth that the ‘Great Leader’ could not even conceive of. But the ruins of the Forbidden City were even more depressing than the poverty-stricken and deprived streets of the capitol. Here and there throughout the rubble was a recognizable piece of history, even to a person of my time. Great buildings in the old Neoclassical style were broken down and shattered, but still retained much of their appearance. Other buildings made of steel and glass were damaged and destroyed almost beyond repair.
“As I wandered far into the city, my thoughts began to fail me: I saw the great symbols of the former glory and majesty of the past government, and I slowly broke down as I traveled further into the city. A sunken and swampy pool lay before a fallen obelisk made of white stone, and reflected the obelisk no more. Graffito and political statements were scrawled on the surface of the crumbling stone, and enhanced the feeling of ruin about the city. Finally, after reaching one of the deepest points of the city, I saw a pitiful sight which made me fall to my knees: great columns of stone and concrete that were fallen and wrecked, but still held up the last vestige of stone roof; and within the colonnade of pillars the stony figure of a seated man seemed to shine in the darkness and shadow. His face was defiled and damaged, but the bearded visage could still be recognized as a noble-spirited and proud man of legend and history. I could no longer see through the tears running down my face, and I reached to my wristband to activate the remote control for my temporal pod. Soon after I called for it, the pod arrived, and with one farewell glance to the seated statue, I set off for my own time, never looking back.”

ok, first thing: this was written several years ago, so it's kinda heavyhanded...and also, i know it sounds sorta implausible at times, so yea, tell me what you think, but be gentle, please...:D
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ChiciB1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jan-07-05 09:22 PM
Response to Original message
1. Very Thought Provoking... BUT
I will stand AGAINST this tyranny! Throughout time humanity has ravaged many for the sake of power, but we MUST NOT let ourselves be overcome!

We CAN and WILL unite, because we MUST! For all future generations to come. Your words shed light on what the future COULD look like, let's just hope that there are enough of us left to STOP the march down to a "Death of Democracy!"

I believe in KARMA and in time, a time in the future, "what you put out, you get back!"

This administration is now living on BORROWED TIME!

To Every Season, turn, turn, turn! I'm a Boomer and I think I've seen a few cycles come and go. What is in the past is in the past, the future is yet to come!

Awwww, I may as well say it... "We Shall Overcome, Someday!"

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ashmanonar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jan-07-05 10:04 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. yea
i don't really remember what i was thinking when i wrote this, remember it was years ago...i wasn't a member of this board then, nor even really a democrat (i was an independent, and not really of legal voting age)

but on further contemplation now, this is a good example of what could be, not what must be...this is what will happen if we do nothing, and let our democracy be stolen by these hacks...but if we stand up and be counted, this won't happen.
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ashmanonar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jan-07-05 10:10 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. besides
i had a whole other thing planned for this story too, explaining why the society later is scientific and all, and the one that they visit is this horrible nightmare of a totalitarian society...but that kinda fell by the wayside...

the main thread of that part of the story involved a massive war from the other nations of the world, that finally ended the reign of the evil leader...which i suppose was the hopeful part of this story.
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ChiciB1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jan-07-05 10:22 PM
Response to Reply #3
4. I've Had a Few Strange Scientific
thoughts myself! Just a "quickie" off the top of my head was when technology started "revving" up so fast, I imagined that the earth might just start rotating faster and faster and turn itself back into ORE again! The thought being that by communicating through the Interent all the time, it would give us less one-on-one human contact! So without the "human touch" we would all become a "mechanical cell" of sorts!

But then, I DID say I was a "boomer" and the late 60's and 70's were pretty WILD! Glory Days!!!!
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ashmanonar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jan-07-05 10:27 PM
Response to Original message
5. ok, it won't let me edit!
so i'll have to repost the story, bc i got a request to edit the paragraphs...
so here it is...

The following is an excerpt from the diaries of Dr. E. J. Peabody, renowned historian, archeologist and first temporal archeologist of the 24th century.

“With the advent of temporal displacement transport technology, a whole new field of archeological research was opened up, that of ‘direct experience’ archeology, in which men and women of our time could see, feel, and touch the past world, and study that world with great accuracy. With my reputation for working and surviving in dangerous parts of the world, I was chosen as the first to travel through time and ‘touch’ the past.

“My mission was simple: to travel into the bygone past of an important section of history, and study the lost world of that time period; then I would return and share my experiences with my colleagues. I hadn’t thought that the experience would be nearly as dangerous and frightening as it turned out to be. Only by superior technology and my wariness did I go unnoticed, and the memory of my experience has hung so heavily upon me that I can not tell my friends and colleagues, even my family, about what I had seen and heard in the past. The visions still haunt me…

“I had departed with pomp and ceremony, charged with a great mission: to study a part of the world in a time that had left behind few traces of knowledge, one that had been obliterated in a brutal high-tech war long ago, so that only direct study could be undertaken. I entered my Temporal Displacement pod, with all the gear and supplies I’d need for a few weeks’ research, and set the time coordinates to a time reference well before the catastrophic war ruined the region I was to set down in.

“With a flare and flash of temporal fireworks, I was gone, and then suddenly, the city loomed about me, imposing gray cinder block buildings that were as ugly as they were utilitarian. I had already engaged the stealth unit of the pod, so that it could not be detected by the somewhat primitive devices of the day, and then put on the Windwalker suit that would keep me from sight. I stepped from the tiny pod into a city straight out of legend; almost mystical in my time, now made suddenly and horribly real. At first glance, the city seemed massive and imposing, but I soon realized that it was only the shadowy remnants of a much greater and larger city that sat crumbling on the horizon. There were only a few people on the street, dressed in the soiled and baggy clothes, mostly brown and gray, that spoke of poverty as eloquently as no man’s words could. The civilians were mostly women, as there were few men that did not wear some sort of uniform. These uniformed men wore the badge either of a civil law enforcement officer, or that of a governmental soldier, relegated to patrol duty in the city. All were armed, rather heavily, and their rather archaic projectile weapons seemed to have that special scent and look of a weapon used regularly. I avoided these men, even though I was invisible, as they had the horrible look of men accustomed to death and blood.

“The streets of this city were grimy and covered in the dust of ill maintenance, and seemed to be unkempt. None of the civilian people drove vehicles of any kind, all walked quickly and with the frightened air of a servile rabbit. Only the rich and powerful had cars, it seemed, and they drove quickly through the streets paying little attention to any pedestrians that actually showed their faces on the street. Enormous posters and signs portrayed the “benevolent leader” of this place, his rather dull face and unintelligent eyes staring out at “his” people, urging them to be productive and efficient, and also urging them to inform on their fellow people, especially those of ‘ethnic origin’ and those ‘Not of The Master Race.’ The last two references sickened me, referring to the people who were not of the state race and religion. Several times I saw nests of ‘rebels’ and ‘religious deviants’ being routed out of basements and cellars, and shot mercilessly in the street.

“I resolved to make my way to the city that lay along the horizon, and study it after I had walked along a few more streets. The sights I saw along these roads seemed to grow more and more horrible, as I walked further and further towards my goal. From a shadowy menace, the men in uniform began to show a mean streak, often arresting pedestrians for merely looking up when they were spoken to. One woman resisted, and soldiers brutally clubbed her to the ground with the stocks of their weapons. Another woman was sadistically shot while trying to stop the officers from taking her hard-earned food from her basket. I turned away at that, after nearly crying out loud at the horrible sight. Once, when a single soldier was harassing an older woman, I took action. He was about to club her with his gun, when I came from behind and knocked him out with the taser I carried for protection. She broke away running, but I simply dragged the limp body into a doorway and moved quickly away.

“After seeing a multitude of horrible and sadistic things, I headed out towards the Forbidden City, as it seemed to be called by the people of the brick capitol city. After only an hour’s walk, I set foot on the crumbling streets of a ruined and much older city. The name of the city in its earlier days was forgotten; only the name Forbidden City held any play with the people of that time.

“The ‘wise and benevolent leader’ of the land had banned the Forbidden City, and no reason was ever recorded as given for the ban. But if one considered the lack of historical documents of the time, it’s not surprising that reasons for illogical bans are not forthcoming.

“Surprisingly, the Forbidden City seemed more alive and vital than the dead and deserted streets of the capitol. Small groups of people lived in nearly the same poverty, but seemed far happier out from under the yoke of the imperial rule. Even so, more graffito and posters decorated the rubble and ruins of the city, promoting the ‘Great Leader’ and casting a pall across the city that was only brightened by the spirit of the people living there. These people were free, whereas the others living in the capitol were not. This was one bit of heartening news about this time period: even though poverty and tyranny were the rule, there were exceptions of freedom and wealth that the ‘Great Leader’ could not even conceive of. But the ruins of the Forbidden City were even more depressing than the poverty-stricken and deprived streets of the capitol. Here and there throughout the rubble was a recognizable piece of history, even to a person of my time. Great buildings in the old Neoclassical style were broken down and shattered, but still retained much of their appearance. Other buildings made of steel and glass were damaged and destroyed almost beyond repair.

“As I wandered far into the city, my thoughts began to fail me: I saw the great symbols of the former glory and majesty of the past government, and I slowly broke down as I traveled further into the city. A sunken and swampy pool lay before a fallen obelisk made of white stone, and reflected the obelisk no more. Graffito and political statements were scrawled on the surface of the crumbling stone, and enhanced the feeling of ruin about the city. Finally, after reaching one of the deepest points of the city, I saw a pitiful sight which made me fall to my knees: great columns of stone and concrete that were fallen and wrecked, but still held up the last vestige of stone roof; and within the colonnade of pillars the stony figure of a seated man seemed to shine in the darkness and shadow. His face was defiled and damaged, but the bearded visage could still be recognized as a noble-spirited and proud man of legend and history. I could no longer see through the tears running down my face, and I reached to my wristband to activate the remote control for my temporal pod. Soon after I called for it, the pod arrived, and with one farewell glance to the seated statue, I set off for my own time, never looking back.”
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ChiciB1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jan-07-05 11:02 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. That Does make it much EASIER!
You will have much more luck with it now!
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ashmanonar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 01:23 AM
Response to Reply #6
7. lol
yea, i figured as such...sorry to everyone that it wasn't this way before, i didn't think much about it.
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