Letter to Rumsfeld

[noamnety]

Dear Mr. Rumsfeld,

Last week I read that the Pentagon was developing a series of non-lethal chemical weapons that will disrupt discipline and morale among enemy troops. The one I liked best was the one to develop an aphrodisiac weapon that would make enemy soldiers turn homosexual (please excuse my language) and would hurt their morale.

I read that the proposed budget for the weapons was several million dollars. I want to do this project, but I think President Bush is going to have a hard time getting elected for his third term if the liberals find out he’s spending money on special interest items like that.

I used to be in the Army, and I have some good ideas about how to fight wars without spending a lot of money. Also, I watch a lot of television, now that I’m not in the Army anymore. I like TV. Do you?

I am enclosing a total of ten SpongeBob SquarePants videos for you to look at. My idea is that if you like them, I can copy them and we can send them to the Iraqis. If you think the war is going to go on a long time, we can show them in Iraqi schools so we can turn them gay before they start fighting, but otherwise we could just show them to the insurgents. Maybe we could have a big outdoor screen even, like in Times Square. I'm not from New York, but I've seen that on TV.

The tapes cost me about three dollars each to make, so if you like them, if you could send me the thirty dollars, that would be great. Or you can send them back; that’s okay too. I think I can get them cheaper in bulk. If you let me know roughly how many insurgents we have, I can send you a cost proposal for my idea. I don’t think it will cost very much, but if you need a lot, it will take a little time for me to copy them all.

Here’s hoping the rest of the world stops “sponging” off the USA!

[GirlWithoutAPlanet]

1. That's great!

Thanks for the laugh.

[noamnety]

2. It's getting discouraging

I've sent them a lot of suggestions, and they never use any of them. :D