Johnny Carson on Democracy

[theboss]

I am 99.9 percent sure that this is from a 1991 broadcast and is not some BS urban legend thing. It was quoted in Salon and shows up on a few quotation cites. Snopes has nothing on it, so it seems legit:

To me, democracy means placing trust in the little guy, giving the
fruits of nationhood to those who built the nation. Democracy
means anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who
doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Democracy is people of all races, colors, and creeds united by a
single dream: to get rich and move to the suburbs away from
people of all races, colors, and creeds. Democracy is having time
set aside to worship -- 18 years if you're Jim Bakker.
Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you
don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike
communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective
political party; it means having two ineffective political parties.
Democracy means freedom of sexual choice between any two
consenting adults; Utopia means freedom of choice between three
or more consenting adults. But I digress. Democracy is welcoming
people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto --
usually a mop or a leaf blower.
It means that with proper timing and scrupulous bookkeeping,
anyone can die owing the government a huge amount of money.
Democracy means a thriving heartland with rolling fields of Alfalfa,
Buckwheat, Spanky, and Wheezer. Democracy means our elected
officials bow to the will of the people, but more often they bow to
the big butts of campaign contributors.
Yes, democracy means fighting every day for what you deserve,
and fighting even harder to keep other weaker people from getting
what they deserve. Democracy means never having the Secret
Police show up at your door. Of course, it also means never having
the cable guy show up at your door. It's a tradeoff. Democracy
means free television, not good television, but free.
Democracy is being able to pick up the phone and, within a
minute, be talking to anyone in the country, and, within two
minutes, be interrupted by call waiting.
Democracy means no taxation without representation, and god
knows, we've just about had the hell represented out of us. It
means the freedom to bear arms so you can blow the "o" out of any
rural stop sign you want.
And finally, democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill,
with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13 tail feathers,
and 13 stars over its head--this signifies that when the white man
came to this country, it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for
the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American
eagle.
I thank you.

[aintitfunny]

1. Thank You, I enjoyed that (n/t)

[latebloomer]

2. Funny!

Thanks!

I am debating whether to buy a "best of" DVD-- I am really feeling this loss.

[theboss]

3. I was looking the DVDs on his website today too

I had been toying with the idea of buying the sets for a few years, but now I really feel the need to see some of the old magic.

[deutsey]

4. I think I remember seeing this when Carson did it

After reading it, it vaguely reminds me of something on saw him do on the Tonight Show.

Could be the power of suggestion, too.

[Ian David]

5. Johnny Carson was also a voice of sanity and rationalism

Well, he's done it again, folks. When I returned from Italy, I found the usual pile of mail awaiting me, and one small hand-addressed envelope from Johnny Carson. In his letter, referring to a recent appearance by speaking-to-dead-folks John Edward on a popular TV show, Johnny expressed dismay at the acceptance afforded such a farce. The enclosed very generous check expressed his willingness — again — to support the work of the JREF. We are substantially encouraged by Johnny's participation, and we promise that his contribution will be assiduously applied to getting the facts out there to interested persons all over the world. It's so good to have friends, and Johnny Carson is one of The Good Guys who have reached out to us. Sincere thanks.
http://www.randi.org/jr/092702.html

Monday, November 08, 2004

Most people know that James Randi is legally obligated to give $1,000,000 to the first person who can prove the existence of "paranormal" powers in a properly-constructed test. Not everyone knows that a lot of the money was fronted by his buddy Johnny Carson, who also started out as a professional magician. You can find hundreds of web pages about albino midget bicycle porn, but sadly, far as I can tell, www.randi.org is the only web site that carefully debunks paranormal flim-flammery, with a good sense of humor and regular weekly updates.
http://www.mcnett.org/2004/11/most-people-know-that-james-randi-is.html


In 1973, Carson had a legendary run-in with popular psychic Uri Geller when he invited Geller to appear on his show. Carson, an experienced stage magician, wanted a neutral demonstration of Geller's alleged abilities, so, at the advice of his friend and fellow magician James Randi, he gave Geller several spoons out of his desk drawer and asked him to bend them. Geller proved unable, and his appearance on The Tonight Show has since been regarded as the beginning of Geller's fall from glory.





http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Carson


FIGHTING AGAINST FLIMFLAM

Leon Jaroff

(From: Time Magazine Australia, 1986, June 13, p. 50-52.
Reprinted with permission in Investigator 3, 1988 November)

The studio audience at the Tonight show in Burbank is strangely silent, staring intently at the proceedings on the stage. A shirtless volunteer lies face up on a table, behind which stands a short, balding man with a fringe of white hair, a bushy beard and piercing green eyes. He kneads the exposed abdomen with both hands, presses one thumb down and draws it across the skin. A trickle, then a stream of blood appears. The audience gasps. Now his hand thrusts into the abdomen and, accompanied by a sickening squishing sound, pulls up a clump of bloody tissue. Host Johnny Carson grimaces. A groan of revulsion sweeps the crowded studio; one woman faints.

Again the hands plunge down, bringing up more gore and then a tubular organ, which the bearded man stares at momentarily. "Oh, no! That doesn’t come out," he apologizes, his eyes suddenly twinkling, and pushes it back into the body. The spell is broken and the audience roars, then titters nervously as he proceeds to remove additional gore. Finally he wipes away the blood, revealing an expanse of unbroken, unscarred skin.

What millions of people have just seen is a demonstration of "psychic surgery." The blood had been donated by a volunteer before the show; the "diseased tissue" consisted of shreds of lamb heart, hidden in a tray behind the table and manipulated by the facile hands of a master magician: James ("the Amazing") Randi, 59, conjurer, showman, crusader and America’s most implacable foe of flummery. The props and the techniques are those used by the so-called psychic surgeons of the Philippines, who promise miraculous, painless, lifesaving surgery to lure desperately ill people to their clinics. But what the sufferers get is sleight of hand, not surgery, and Randi’s goal is to spread that message. "These people go to the Philippines," he explains, "they spend their money, and they return home, in most cases to die."




Finally, in 1987, a skeptic named James Randi exposed Popoff's scam on the Johnny Carson Show. The reverend's wife was feeding him info-blurbs on frequency 39.17 MHz, according to an article in Science and the Paranormal magazine. Popoff listened to his wife's transmissions on a tiny earpiece. Ironically, the healer insisted the device was a hearing aid.
http://www.idsnews.com/story.php?id=26408

[itzamirakul]

6. Well, it sure in the heck

SOUNDS like one of his monologues. Thanks for posting because truer words were never spoken. :)

[theboss]

7. It does sound like him

I'm usually pretty good at telling when these things are bogus (like that stupid George Carlin thing that floats around). I would have been 18 and watching the show when he did this and it sounds really familiar. It apparently was right after the Soviet Union was broken up.

[fooj]

8. There is so much truth in satirical comedy!

Great post!

[ChicagoBlue]

9. Sounds a lot like one of his Floyd R. Turbo bits, actually

The guy in the red flannel and deer hunters cap whose gestures were always a beat behind his words. One of his best characters, I alwsy thought.

[underpants]

10. Floyd R. Turbo begat Bob Boudelang

Yes that was a great character and I'd bet if you took an old transcipt of Turbo and read it on RW radio or posted it on the Freep it would be widely celebrated. Yep that is who they are.

Welcome to DU :hi: