BUSH "Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity is Finally Over"

[liberalpragmatist]

From the Onion, Jan. 18, 2001 -- as TAPPED (http://www.prospect.org/weblog/) noted recently, an EXTREMELY hilarious article while sadly proving to be all to prescient. Amazing how much foresight these guys had -- even before Bush took office.

> WASHINGTON, DC—Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

Bush swore to do "everything in power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street

During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"...

"Finally, the horrific misrule of the Democrats has been brought to a close," House Majority Leader Dennis Hastert (R-IL) told reporters. "Under Bush, we can all look forward to military aggression, deregulation of dangerous, greedy industries, and the defunding of vital domestic social-service programs upon which millions depend. Mercifully, we can now say goodbye to the awful nightmare that was Clinton's America."

"For years, I tirelessly preached the message that Clinton must be stopped," conservative talk-radio host Rush Limbaugh said. "And yet, in 1996, the American public failed to heed my urgent warnings, re-electing Clinton despite the fact that the nation was prosperous and at peace under his regime. But now, thank God, that's all done with. Once again, we will enjoy mounting debt, jingoism, nuclear paranoia, mass deficit, and a massive military build-up."

[demnan]

1. Too bad the one they had "Clinton declares self President for Life"

didn't come true. I'd much rather have a competent dictator if I have to have a dictator.


http://www.theonion.com/onion3641/clinton_president_for_life.html

on edit: the link

[diplomats]

3. I remember that article. It was hysterical

BTW, the article linked, which I recall well, even has a sentence in about Bush launching another Gulf war. That part I forgot about it. It's eerie how satire can be right on the mark. The article was funny when it was written, but now that reality turned out to be as bad as predicted, it's depressing actually.

[FubarFly]

2. OMG, That's spooky.

These bastards have made satire obsolete.

:scared:

[demnan]

4. Here's the direct link to the Bush story.

http://www.theonion.com/onion3701/bush_nightmare.html

It's still in the Onion archives.

[loudnclear]

5. Uncanny...these guys and gals are clairvoyant !!!

Can we get them on Oprah or better still, a show of their own?

[gristy]

6. Great article

Have forwarded it on to many. Thanks for posting it.