The new right-wing Sesame Street set to debut

[quaoar]

PBS will soon debut the "All-New Sesame Street."

In the new and improved version, Big Bird will urge his young viewers to call the FBI if they hear their mommies or daddies use naughty words about the president. Cookie Monster will tell children to encourage their big brothers to sign up for the Army.

Oscar the Grouch will become a born-again Christian and crusade to clean up the moral rot that has permeated Sesame Street.

And Bert and Ernie will no longer sleep together and will warn children about the evils of having two mommies or two daddies.

[brainshrub]

1. Elmo: Gets a Texan 10-gallon hat and talks about gun safety.

[NMMNG]

22. More like "gets a 10 gallon hat and talks about the right to own a gun"

and to shoot anyone who tries to take it away...

[northzax]

27. Elmo's got a gun

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=20092


Elmo's got a gun
Big bird's on the run
Ernie's dialin' 911
What made elmo snap,
Was he tired of big birds crap?
They said when Elmo was arrested
They found Oscar headless in the trash
I hear that Gordon's really runnin
Now that elmos got a gun,
The streets never gonna be the same.
Elmo's got a gun
Elmo's got a gun
Grover's head has come undone
Sesame street's not real fun -
*GUNSHOT*
You want me to walk around sesame street without a bulletproof vest?!?
Forget about it!

[Liberty Belle]

2. The "Count" will count GOP votes twice.

[Horse with no Name]

15. Okay that is really funny.

:rofl:

[teach1st]

3. Mr. Hooper refuses to carry condoms in his store N/T

[drencrom]

14. argh

Poor Mr. Hooper. When he died, they had an episode about death. Maybe soon, they'll have an episode about starting wars.

[newyawker99]

25. Hi drencrom!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[madeline_con]

24. Mr. Hooper refuses to carry condoms..."

Will he fill birth control Rxs?

[tridim]

4. I assume they'll just bulldoze Sesame Street to the ground,

"clean up" all the cultural diversity the and build a Fundie mega-church for all the white folks.

[mom cat]

5. I remember teachers telling us it was our duty to rat out

Commie parents....McCarthyism...Central TX.

[northzax]

29. lots of commies in Central Texas?

big problem there? :)

[LiberalEsto]

6. But secretly, Bert & Ernie

will have sex with farm animals or boys. It's okay as long as it happens off-screen.

[KharmaTrain]

7. Other PBS Series...

They'll send the Teletubbies to Detox...except for the purple one...who will be chained to the back of a truck and dragged by Clifford the Big Red-State Dog.

Barney will teach the young'uns that evolution is a joke...c'mon he's a REAL dinosaur and he's still alive.

Also Antiques Road show will feature something extremely rare...a Democrat politician with a spine.

[TWiley]

8. I heard they form a lynch mob and hang Barney!

You know, the purple whatchamacallit.

[Syncronaut Seven]

11. Dinomite

That way all that is left is ..... Barney Rubble. :evilgrin:

[TWiley]

21. Oh My God!

Barney Rubble. LMAO

[name not needed]

13. Barney's too evil to be destroyed by conventional means.

[ComerPerro]

9. Kermit the Frog hosts his own "No Spin Zone"

Where he still is a reporter, but now does his job from a studio where he bullies people and spouts out right-wing talking points, all in the interest of "looking out" for the viewers.

[BringEmOn]

17. Kermit plays Newt Gingrich in the new "Contract On America"

No voice change needed.

[Maestro]

10. Maria will teach the evils of sex. -nt

[sakabatou]

19. I saw your sig's quote on a teal Outback...

I wonder who's it is...

[Maestro]

32. I got it from a button I saw at a website.

I will try to find that site again.

[quaoar]

12. Another new series

will be called "Tree Huggers." It will be sponsored by grants from the ExxonMobil Corp. It will teach children about being "sensible and practical" and that some of those ugly species like snail darters and yucky frogs and stuff will have to be sacrificed to build dams and malls so we can save the cute panda bears.

[Liberty Belle]

18. Barney the Dinosaur will teach Creationism, too.

[underpants]

16. Sesame Street given to luxury condo developer

but the characters are still followed so that kids can see what losers they are for not being rich enough to pay off local officials to keep their street.

[Biased Liberal Media]

20. I know this was all tongue in cheek, but are they

really changing Sesame Street??

Pardon my ignorance, I do not watch much TV these days.

[madeline_con]

23. "And Bert and Ernie will no longer sleep together"

Didn't they have separate beds?

[BuelahWitch]

28. They did

On a video I saw made in 1980 Bert was lamenting his pet pidgeon had to sleep on a windowsill outside. Bert was sleeping in a double bed and Ernie on a cot.

So they didn't even sleep together 25 years ago. Just another right wing myth.

[madeline_con]

33. "Just another right wing myth."

Like Spongebob being gay?

The movie seemed to suggest that Patrick is gay, maybe a poke at the RWers to keep them from spoiling the show for the rest of the moviegoers. They'd stay away in droves.

If this "family values" crowd had tken time to actually watch Spongebe, they'd know he dates the hammerhead shark, the Krusty Krab owner's daughter.

Edit... why bother, it's readable. :)

[HootieMcBoob]

26. encourage them to sign up for the Army?

No self-respecting right-winger would encourage one of their own to put their life on the line in a war that they support. A right-winger would encourage other right-wingers to put a sticker on their gas-guzzling SUV that "supports the troops". They might also condemn anyone who is critical of the war or the way it's been handled or the incompetent administration that planned it as a traitor, but they would never ever suggest that another conservative should actually enlist to fight in the war that they are so adamantly in favor of -- perish the thought.

[northzax]

30. And Dora the Explorer?

Miss Piggy's nanny.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

31. Yes, these are the people in your Gated Community... n/t