How do I deal with my bigoted co-worker?

[XemaSab]

This morning I came into the office and the office smelled like a fish had crawled into a port-a-potty and died. I suggested to our administrative assistant that she open a window. She got really mad and said "WELL WHY DON'T YOU GO OPEN A WINDOW?!?!?!?!"

I wasn't intending to tell her to go open a window, I was just making a suggestion, but she took it the wrong way.

So this afternoon I went and told her I was sorry if I came off as a jerk. She said "I'm just sick of doing all the n***** jobs around here" and continued to be totally cranky with me.

I have no clue why she's cranky, and I really don't care. Her job is to answer the damn phone and frankly, do all the stupid, lame jobs that need to be done that nobody else has time for, like filing and vaccuming the floor (not that she ever does these things, mind you).

I know her job sucks and is lame, but that's not my fault, especially since I wasn't even blaming her for the odor in the office.

I just can't hack working with someone who is a bigot.

I'm wondering whether I should blow it off, or harbor a grudge.

Oh, everyone at the office is white.

Advice?

[Chicago Democrat]

1. Ignor and have compassion...

Esp for a lower level employee whose job sucks anyway.

[noamnety]

2. Depends on the size of the company

If it's large enough to have a real HR department, it would be fun to go in and claim I was 25% black and can't believe she spoke to me that way.

:evilgrin:

[linazelle]

3. Hahahah....good one nt

[XemaSab]

4. Very, very, very small

I'm sure the business manager would just take this as further proof that I am a total bleeding-heart liberal.

[tuvor]

5. Be prepared to call her on it next time.

(If there is a next time.)

[LittleClarkie]

6. I've heard the term "company bitch" used

I thought that was funny, and less offensive than company n-word.

What does it say about me if I was flattered when a black person called me the n-word once, the way she might if I were also a black person? I took that as almost a compliment that she was comfortable enough with me to bust out with "What's the matter with you, n*****"

Eh, I'd just consider the source, but I wouldn't harbor a grudge. Just realize she's an idiot, and move on.

[hfojvt]

11. in my experience, some black people say it all the time

to each other. However, they distinguish between the word "nigga" and the one that ends in "er". Two different words, according to the three black people I have talked to about it. If it ends in an "A" it is not the "n-word".

[ardem]

7. Let it go

Why let your co-worker's actions upset YOUR life? Evidently she was having a bad day or simply has a bad attitude. I prefer to carry my own baggage and not add that of others.

[Chan790]

8. What I did in this situation.

Pulled the AA aside (she was more senior than your average AA as her job included some project management and logisitics work) and I told her that I understood her frustration as I had noted that her supervisors (which doesn't include me. I was merely a consultant on political affairs and public awareness.) don't respect you and they never say "thank you" or tell you that you do a good job, but those of us that actually have to work with you notice. That withstanding, some people, myself included, are offended by that kind of conduct and language.

I cut her some slack though as she was foreign and from previous experience with a close friend from that part of the world (Lithuania) I was aware that it held no cultural signifier value to her.

[underseasurveyor]

9. I can't let comments like that stand without saying SOMETHING.

That is so rude, unkind, thoughtless, selfish and just plain vulgar. As if Black People and the work she does are beneath her and that she is some how better because she's white?
FUCK THAT!

Ignoring comments like that sends the message that hate, bigotry and racism is acceptable and OK with you. It's not OK, it's never OK, anywhere, anytime.

You don't have to turn into a raving loon about it but if you calmly say something like, please don't use disgusting hate words, or racial slurs, or ignorant hate speech, or ______________ fill in the blank, but please don't ignore it or they'll think it's OK when it's not.

Slurs like that really piss me off :grr:
Or couldja tell :-)

Wanna get her to open a window? heh :evilgrin:
Heavily spray the room with some lysol or any air freshening spray. She'll open a window and then again if she doesn't, at least you won't smell that rotten fish in a sewer smell ;-)

(or just get a small can of ozium to keep in your desk. one little spritz will clear the room of any nasty odors)

[cynatnite]

10. One time I'd let it slide

After that, no way. It's unacceptable and unprofessional. There's no telling who could be around when she decides she's going to stick her foot in her mouth. Then there could be real problems for a varity of reasons.

She at least needs to be pulled aside and privately told that kind of language and behavior won't be tolerated. I'm not saying you or anyone else should do this. It's something I won't easily forget and I would keep my eye on her.

[really annoyed]

12. I have the same job as your co-worker

My office manager told me once that I must be tired of being the "black" person of the office.

I was stumped at her saying.

She told me it was because I did all the grunt work.

I still like the lady and consider her a friend. The same goes with all the other people in my office who have the same racial attitudes.

We're all white.

I have to work with these people, so I am polite about the comments they make. I only raise hell when I have to. :evilgrin:

[TorchTheWitch]

13. so shoot me

Although I don't think it was wise she used the "N" word, if it was me, I would have been pissed off at you, too.

Your "suggestion" that she open a window was an order politely phrased as a request, and I hardly blame her that she took it that way. If you wanted a window opened, open it your own damn self. She's not your servant. What you asked her to do for you WAS demeaning, and from her response it's obvious that this is hardly the first time that she's been put into the position of having to do small servant-like demeaning things for you and the other lazy assholes in the office.

I have had many secretarial/administrative jobs, and I've been pissed off, too, that many people seem to believe that taking advantage of her position in requiring demeaning personal services is just dandy... it isn't. It's insulting.

If you want someone to be available to attend to your personal needs whether it's fetching your coffee, watering your plants, cleaning mustard off your tie, carrying your briefcase, shining your shoes, opening windows/doors for you that you're too lazy or "privileged" to do yourself, then HIRE a personal servant.

Really, is there some reason you could not have opened the window your own lazy-ass self? Are you somehow disabled that you're not able to take care of your own personal desires?

[XemaSab]

36. I did open the window

n/t

[Broken_Hero]

14. Call her on it...

I would first use her bad attitude at work, and talk to upper management about that. About the N word, now, i would talk to her about that personally. Tell her you dont' like that word, and maybe, the shock of someone taking a stand against her mght make her think, but it will probably back fire, and she is probbly an office gossip also, so of course when you make your statment about the N word, you better be prepared to defend yourself against other coworkers, if they give you a lot of crap over it, start writing down times, places of where these people are giving you grief over it, save any hateful emails, record any discussions about it. And, finally, if they dont' quit and make your life even worse, call a newspaper and let the media paint the company as bigoted freaks...you got proof, you got your rearend covered. Or you can just let it slide, but when you do that, people assume its the right thing to do, and its okay with you.

[Behind the Aegis]

15. My humble suggestion

If you "suggested" she open a window and she responded the way she did, then that is the first thing you should address. She has a role, like everyone else, and if she doesn't like that, tough shit! She needs to "deal" or get a new job. If she then responded, after an apology, like she did by using a racial slur, then she needs to be brought into your office (or her supervisor). Everyone has "bad days," that is understandable. One can even empathize with that. However, to say "nigger" is as inappropriate as saying "fuck" in an office setting, unless you work for the porno business. :)

I wouldn't harbor a grudge, but I would address it. When we allow certain things to "slide," it implies consent.

Just my thoughts.

[Melodybe]

16. You never know she might have feminine hygiene problems

maybe that's why she was so sensitive about it.

Start leaving bottles of douche in her desk.

[Name removed]

17. Deleted message

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[Behind the Aegis]

18. did you miss the forest?

The issue is that she (the admin. asst.) said "nigger." Not that the OP works in an all white office.

[Name removed]

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[Behind the Aegis]

22. timber!

Who are you going to believe, the OP or the person who is not posting? I can see the issue. But you went after the OP for working at an all-white place, not the person who said "nigger." And, what makes it right for one race to say it over another, well, that is all about linguistics. It is about reclaiming a word, but still not allowing it to be used by non-members...that really isn't an issue....it has happened for ages. And, what the hell does your last statement mean?

[Name removed]

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[Behind the Aegis]

24. it is simple

No, it is not racist to have certain words used by one race and not another...it is the intent. My father is a "Screaming Eagle" and he didn't hear that word and if he did, it was dealt with in a professional manner.

Your last point is still wrong. It doesn't matter what you are, you are able to speak any language. Speaking a language has nothing to do with racism and it is a false analogy to imply it.

[Name removed]

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[Behind the Aegis]

27. I understand

I have a background in linguistics...I speak 6 languages and know sign. I am very familiar with language and spent this evening translating English into Swahili.

My father is retired...Lt. Col., and is Airborne Ranger. I have lived at Ft. Campbell...and what do you mean German?

Negro: The NAACP. It is the name of an organization that benefits the advancement of African-American people. It is not used as a description of blacks in our culture, as language changes, but it still retains historical significance.

What kind of linguistics game are you trying to play? I am not familiar with it.

[Name removed]

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[Behind the Aegis]

30. no real challenge

Negro = black; in many Romance languages there are several derivatives. However, in German, it is "Schwartz." So, your point?

[Name removed]

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[nonconformist]

32. Don't bother, they're trolling in several threads.

I love the smell of desperation in the morning...

[rucky]

19. A formal complaint's in line.

nip this in the bud early. people like this at the office cause nothing but pain.

[LightningFlash]

20. Tell her to go here:

And just shut her up officially:
http://www.afterdowningstreet.org

She can go wake up to the truth and take some cold water.

[Bunny]

25. I'm astonished at some of the responses in this thread.

People seem so willing to let this go. This woman used a racial slur, and meant it in a demeaning way, and you're being encouraged to just "let it go" "this one time"? Incredible. :wtf:

I would tell her in no uncertain terms that you do not care whether she was having a bad day, there are a million ways she can express her frustration without resorting to racial slurs, and if you ever hear anything like that from her again, you will report it and let the chips fall where they may.

Not calling people on this shit just reinforces that it's okay to say it. :grr:

[Hello_Kitty]

29. I'm really surprised too

And disheartened. No wonder people are so blase about sexism and misogyny in threads when this ugly racism is defended. And I thought it had become so unacceptable at this point it would be a no-brainer. Guess I was wrong.

[salin]

34. Agreed -

the "soft" response (for the nonconfrontational) is to stare, agape... er.... 'excuse me' - shake the head and keep looking astonished. Leaves only two responses from the first person either to feel a bit embarassed and backtrack (this can shut down future comments but does nothing to cause reflection) or the other response is that the person (showing real idiocy and not ashamed of their bigotry) repeats the line.

In which case use the "hard" response...

Wow. You really dig deep holes - so now not only are you upset with your job - but you have to demean an entire race because of it? One loses one's point when in making complaints about one's own position and how others treat you with superiority - you throw out a comment that shows your superiority mixed in with bigotry.

Or start with the hard response - or Bunny's.

And I agree, to say nothing or do nothing suggests not only "okayness" but it implies to the speaker tacit agreement of all in ears length who say/do nothing.

[lapislzi]

33. Two words: PAPER TRAIL

I've been in the position you're in now. Document the incident in case you need to present it to your boss.

I also suggest you speak to her privately and remind her that offensive speech won't be tolerated in the workplace. Your company should have a written policy regarding it. If they don't, suggest it.

Good luck to you.

[mongo]

35. It's really amazing - reading this thread

and seeing how much power we give to words. As far as substance, I think torchthewitch hit on the substance of the exchange here:

If you want someone to be available to attend to your personal needs whether it's fetching your coffee, watering your plants, cleaning mustard off your tie, carrying your briefcase, shining your shoes, opening windows/doors for you that you're too lazy or "privileged" to do yourself, then HIRE a personal servant.

The point being that this person felt like a servant. Some black people use the N word, or BOTH nigga and nigger (since it's two words now) -

So, my question is, what if this was an office of black people? Would it have been a racial slur?

Or, would it have been taken in its context - that the person in question was feeling like she was a servant.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not advocating using the N word. I'm trying to take away it's power.

[Solly Mack]

37. Confront her on her racism

Don't allow her to get away with it...

[XemaSab]

38. To further clarify,

I am not used to working with an AA, so I'm not always sure what's appropriate to ask. Also, whatsername sometimes will do things that I ask her to, and sometimes will say "YEAH RIGHT!!!!"

Perplexing.

[Bouncy Ball]

39. I don't let the "n" word slide.

I would have said something right then. Mostly along the lines that I don't like that word being used around me, as I think it is offensive and bigoted.

[fortyfeetunder]

40. I would have called her on it

Like ask her, from this POV..


"hmmm, could you elaborate what type of jobs are those? And why are you working them?"

Maybe she needs some motivation to get some more education.