Letter to Sen. John Warner: The Iraq War Resolution

[joemurphy]

Office of Senator John Warner
U.S. Senate
225 Russell Building
Washington, D.C. 20510

Re: Iraq War Resolution

Dear Senator Warner:

I’ve been watching your career ever since your marriage to Liz Taylor. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. She sure was great in “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof!”

Even though your marriage to Liz was a flop, unlike a lot of people, I never blamed you. I’ve continued to remain a big fan of yours. I particularly liked watching you when you helped President Bush get that Iraq War Resolution passed. You remember, it was right before the 2002 Midterm Elections after the President came back from that well-earned month-long vacation at his ranch. I know it wasn’t easy getting the Resolution done so quickly, with Byrd and Kennedy and Durbin telling you to slow it down and generally giving you a hard time about it. As a long-time Republican voter, I was real proud of how you handled them.

I still watch you whenever you’re on C-Span. I especially like listening to your speeches. You don’t sound like most of the other Republicans. When you address people, you always say polite things like: “As my esteemed and honored colleague from the great state of (fill in a State here) well knows...” I like the way you talk. My grandfather, Sandor Toth, used to talk that way too. Old fashioned, formal and nice. Of course it sounds different in Hungarian, but it also sounds good in English too. Actually, when you talk like that you remind me a lot of Burl Ives. He was in “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” too. Remember how he used to say: “I smell a strong odor of mendacity!” Hey, I’ll bet your sounding like Burl Ives is one of the things that got Liz interested in you in the first place!

Anyhow, from watching you, I know you are a real orderly, meticulous, old fashioned sort of guy that doesn’t like mistakes and always pays a lot of attention to detail. That’s why I’m writing this letter. Given everything that’s happened since you got that War Resolution passed, I thought you might to take another look again at some of those “WHEREAS” clauses in the Resolution and have them retroactively amended. Here are a few examples of what I mean:

The following one, for instance, should probably be deleted entirely:

“Whereas the efforts of international weapons inspectors, United States intelligence agencies, and Iraqi defectors led to the discovery that Iraq had large stockpiles of chemical weapons and a large scale biological weapons program, and that Iraq had an advanced nuclear weapons development program that was much closer to producing a nuclear weapon than intelligence reporting had previously indicated;”

Also, in view of the fact that we didn’t wait for Hans Blix and his guys to do their job, you might want to do some cutting and pasting with this one:

“Whereas Iraq, in direct and flagrant violation of the cease-fire, attempted to thwart the efforts of weapons inspectors to identify and destroy Iraq's weapons of mass destruction stockpiles and development capabilities, which finally resulted in the withdrawal of inspectors from Iraq on October 31, 1998;”

You might also want to review and revise this one a little:

“Whereas in Public Law 105-235 (August 14, 1998), Congress concluded that Iraq's continuing weapons of mass destruction programs threatened vital United States interests and international peace and security, declared Iraq to be in `material and unacceptable breach of its international obligations' and urged the President `to take appropriate action, in accordance with the Constitution and relevant laws of the United States, to bring Iraq into compliance with its international obligations';”

This one probably too can probably be eliminated:

“Whereas Iraq both poses a continuing threat to the national security of the United States and international peace and security in the Persian Gulf region and remains in material and unacceptable breach of its international obligations by, among other things, continuing to possess and develop a significant chemical and biological weapons capability, actively seeking a nuclear weapons capability, and supporting and harboring terrorist organizations; ..”

This next one probably should be excised since it was never really proved:

Whereas the current Iraqi regime has demonstrated its continuing hostility toward, and willingness to attack, the United States, including by attempting in 1993 to assassinate former President Bush…

This one is probably OK as long as you add the phrase “in a Kurdish area outside the control of the Iraqi government” at the very end.

Whereas members of al Qaida, an organization bearing responsibility for attacks on the United States, its citizens, and interests, including the attacks that occurred on September 11, 2001, are known to be in Iraq;

And this is probably another candidate for scissoring:

Whereas Iraq continues to aid and harbor other international terrorist organizations, including organizations that threaten the lives and safety of United States citizens;

And, of course, there’s this one:

Whereas Iraq's demonstrated capability and willingness to use weapons of mass destruction, the risk that the current Iraqi regime will either employ those weapons to launch a surprise attack against the United States or its Armed Forces or provide them to international terrorists who would do so, and the extreme magnitude of harm that would result to the United States and its citizens from such an attack, combine to justify action by the United States to defend itself;

Well, I could go on, but being the smart man you are, I know you get the idea. Given your concern with America’s place in history and general orderliness, I know you’ll want to get those “Whereases” amended pronto!

Well, that’s it from here. Keep on doing the President’s work up there! We’re all rooting for you!

Your loyal fan,

Lazlo Toth

Voting for Republicans (both unindicted and indicted) since 1952!

(Inspired by Don Novello’s Lazlo Toth Letters)

[Burried News]

1. There's no fool like an old fool.

Senator Warner, when you finish ammendin all the wherases above, could you return to the Taguba Report and clear up the little matter of prisoner abuse and our failure to live up to one of the treaties you all signed a few years back - The Geneva Convention. You said you were going to get to the bottom of it?