Are you the new male or one "unable to tell a clitoris from a lawn mower"?

[Zinfandel]

Beer & Porn & Guns & Manicures
How can marketers sell crap to the new, elusive modern male? And just who is he, exactly?
:rofl: :smoke: :hide: :banghead: :shrug: :hi: :wow: :beer:
Marketers are confused. Marketers are nonplussed. Marketers are looking at the male of the American species and saying, what the hell is wrong with you and who the hell are you and how the hell do we get you to buy more crap from us, and by the way can you please stop playing with your penis for five seconds?

It is, apparently, no longer clear-cut. Men are no longer neatly divided -- not that they ever really were -- into two types: a) the new breed of metrosexual, trim and healthy and urban-bred and yoga-ready, confident in his Prada boots and expensive face lotion and European car and able to cook a five-course gourmet meal and satisfy his women using 102 variations of expert Tantric oral sex all while not damaging his manicure or staining his new 450-threat-count Egyptian cotton Donna Karan sheets.

Nor is he necessarily b) The Great Beer-Swilling Slob, paunchy in his faded Dockers and overgrown eyebrows, unsightly as an overfed gopher in his XXL bathing suit and blissfully addicted to barbecued foods and pickup trucks and Maxim magazine and sports and beer and especially sports involving beer, all while remaining entirely unable to tell a clitoris from a lawn mower and utterly powerless to point, if given a map of the world, to any state that doesn't have a famous baseball stadium.

Those types are, apparently, no longer the two primary competing species of marketable male in the United States and the world, and dammit, marketers are pissed. And baffled. Hell, according to Leo Burnett Worldwide, the ad agency that pretty much invented macho by way of dredging up the cancer-riffic hunk o' impotent, yellow-toothed, diseased-lung love, the Marlboro Man, marketing mavens have little idea as to just who the hell the new male actually is.

And why not? Because, apparently, men don't know either. According to LBM's own survey, 60 percent of New World Men (the agency polled males across 13 countries) say they want to be professional patriarchs: fathers and executives and breadwinnin' dudes with giant Weber grills larger than their Honda Accords. The other 40 percent hover near the metrosexual arena, craving, presumably, independence and style and the general avoidance of marriage before age 40 because they still want to have sex and stay out past 11 p.m.

http://www.sfgate.com/columnists/morford/

[underpants]

1. What's a lawnmower?

:yoiks:

[sakabatou]

3. I believe its this:

[comsymp]

11. Well, mine is 22" (considered small), and has to be

started by hand~

[gratuitous]

2. There are two types of people in the world

Those that divide the people of the world into two types, and those who don't. I'm one of the latter.

[donco6]

4. Mark Morford makes me laugh.

I didn't get his email yet.

[skids]

5. Well, I guess it entirely depends how you "mow the lawn"

... I much prefer letting the grass grow, and smell the flowers instead :evilgrin:

[Jokerman]

6. Well, I've never put my tongue on a lawn mower... n/t

[Tace]

7. Ha Ha -- Let 'Em Try To Figure It Out...

I'm sure as hell not letting on.

Pressed, I would spread disinformation just to further confuse the marketers.

: )

[jim3775]

8. I hate articles like this

I can just see the writer with a thesaurus in his hand thinking "400 more words until I get paid".


"Hell, according to Leo Burnett Worldwide, the ad agency that pretty much invented macho by way of dredging up the cancer-riffic hunk o' impotent, yellow-toothed, diseased-lung love, the Marlboro Man, marketing mavens have little idea as to just who the hell the new male actually is."

Talk about a run-on sentence, jeebus.

[SteppingRazor]

10. Yeah, but... it's Mark Morford.

He always writes like this. The run-on-to-the-point-of-absurdity sentence is what he's known for.

[Zinfandel]

13. You must NOT know Mark Morford's work, writings, Morfork is THE BEST!!!

You are selling short, a fine writer, wit and very insightful being.

Sounds like a bit of jealously, coming from somewhere...I would suggest, study your "thesaurus", and all will be well.

[SteppingRazor]

9. I'm very happy with the feminizing of society...

But I'll also stick with my love of sports, cars, and booze! :)

[elehhhhna]

12. If he can't tell it from a lawnmower, he might fiddle with it on weekends.

[TalkingDog]

14. Cli-Tarus? Isn't that a type of Ford?

Stolen from an 80's British film.

[Bouncy Ball]

15. MEN!! DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE!!!

I can see it already starting to happen---Madison Avenue has its EYE on you for facial products of all kinds!

Already I see more and more commercials for moisturizer for men, exfoliants for men, etc etc.

I'm not saying those products are BAD, but I can totally see how this happened with women! And look at us! Even the most earth momma-ish among us can't help but twinge and think "well maybe some of that apricot scrub" I mean it's HELL. Try being an American woman and saying "screw razors! screw hair coloring! screw exfoliants, toners, moisturizers and cosmetics! screw contact lenses! screw cute purses and sandals! screw it all!"

Sure there women who DO successfully turn away from all of it, but not enough of us. Not enough.

They are trying it on you, now. DON'T FALL FOR IT.

[Warren DeMontague]

24. Thank God I only shave once a week

Those razor blades are expensive.

But I'd be a hazard without contact lenses. My eyes are so bad, if I wear glasses exclusively I end up with a headache. They are a medical necessity for me, hardly a vanity product.

[Touchdown]

16. I'm #3

One who really doesn't care about clitorises, or how to start them, so why should I learn how they cut grass?

Playing with other's penises though...;)

[SpiralHawk]

17. The Skull & Boner male: model for a new generation

I'm talking Jeff Gannon here. While technically not a card-carrying member of the Skull & Boner elite, he is sure as shit a Prized Pack Playmate (PPP).

You must concede that Gannon is a prototypical Republican -- silky smooth, prone to exaggerate his "accomplishments," and loyal to a fault to his Skull & Boner Overlord, George W. Bush. Gannon, a gay prostitute reporter for the Bush White House is also -- to boot -- a Talented Top TrophyBoy (TTT).

There you have it, thanks to the Republicans: a model for the new male.

Get a firm grip on your Family Values.

[Snotcicles]

18. Whats the difference between a golfball and a womans G-spot?

some guys will spend twenty minutes looking for a golfball.

[Caution]

19. Man I'm a mess apparently..

Urban-bred, yoga-ready, hugo boss shoes (Prada are just too garish for me), European car (Mini Cooper. LOVE IT), able to cook whatever she damn well wants, love my egyptian cotton sheets and really am proud of my oral sex abilities. I also swill some beer, have a bit of a paunch, occasionally wear dockers, (no overgrown eyebrows though thank you very much), love BBQ, sports (Red Sox and the true America's team, the New England Patriots), I've got a giant Weber grill that frankly is pretty damn close in size to my Mini. I'm 32 and getting married in the fall though I intend to continue to have great sex and stay out past 11pm (just with my lovely wife to be).

The answer? Stop freaking pigeon-holing us. When will marketing morons realize that people don't fit into such easy stereotypes?

[BiggJawn]

20. If you're NOT staining your "Donna Karans"....

Then you're DOING IT WRONG!
I don't care HOW many variations you have up your sleeve...

So that's what it the Ad World thinks, huh? You're either a "Queer-Eye" closet queen who LOVES everything about the "Gay Lifestyle" BUT the Sex, or you're a sloppy-fat stinking Redneck...

I haven't had a beer in YEARS, and what's "Maxim" magazine? I though Maxim was a brand of cock-sock?

No wonder I feel like such a fucking outsider....

[NuttyFluffers]

21. his writing is hilarious and i'm glad the borders are blurring.

i wanna see men bust out a compact and powder their noses while at the stadium.

[jmowreader]

27. Give it time...

This is (I shit you not) men's face powder.

[Orsino]

22. Damn. No *wonder* my lawn is such a mess. n/t

[ulysses]

23. people are not marketing strategies.

It's not difficult.

[Warren DeMontague]

25. I'm a big fan of the clitoris

lawn mowers don't really do it for me.

[Warren DeMontague]

26. I'll tell you why you have so much trouble marketing to someone like me

because I don't buy useless crap.