ewwww I got a invitation to a "Christian" wedding

[CountAllVotes]

Firstly :puke:

How the hell do I get out of this exactly? It's my niece getting married to some guy and she's only 18 (I guess the virgin thing is "in" again). Way too young to be getting married IMO.

Furthermore, the parents both * supporters (Fundies now; before * no religion) have being using their house as an ATM and they are now broke (both unemployed) yet they send out this fancy invitation to a "Christian" wedding at a Baptist church. Why I ask? Why?

Hell, I'm no Baptist; never was, never cared to be. As for a gift - a long list of stores were listed to send money too ...

:puke:

God I feel so sick.

When I was married this same sibling w/spouse sent me some gray towels that someone stole out of a Laundromat (good use really for them; they were very ugly) and that was it, no fancy nothing.

Hmmm ...

Whatcha all think about this other than :puke: :puke: :puke: ?

[bunkerbuster1]

1. Always ask: what would Miss Manners do?

Bottom line is, If you disapprove of a marriage, you should politely decline. You've made other plans. (You don't need to say what those plans are.)

that's how it's done.

[CountAllVotes]

thanks ...

That is what I'll do.

They don't give you the option of declining to attend, only the forced reply TO ATTEND.

FUCK THEM!

:puke:

and NO I do not approve!

I've never met this young man she is getting married to and they couldn't even tell me :wtf: his name is until I got the invitation!!!!! :grr: :grr:

[FreedomAngel82]

95. They couldn't tell you his name?

Weird. Sounds like they want someone to be miss popularity but are going about it the wrong way.

[SemperEadem]

126. I would write on the invite

"_________________ cannot attend" and put a check mark on it, send it to them and leave it at that.

They aren't entitled to an explanation---just a heads up to know how many people the caterer needs to cook for.

I also wouldn't send a gift. Asking for one or asking for a donation is tacky. If you want to donate to a cause or whatever, do it for an organization you want your contribution to help, not one they want you to contribute to.

[CountAllVotes]

10. thanks ...

That is what I'll do.

They don't give you the option of declining to attend, only the forced reply TO ATTEND.

FUCK THEM!

:puke:

and NO I do not approve!

I've never met this young man she is getting married to and they couldn't even tell me :wtf: his name is until I got the invitation!!!!! :grr: :grr:

[July]

45. She would also say asking for gifts (list of stores) is tacky,

and that you are not required to give a gift, even if you attend.

[Orangepeel]

86. Miss Manners would send them a letter

on which she would write


Ms. CountAllVotes
regrets that she will be unable to accept
the very kind invitation of
Mr. and Mrs. Fundie
for Date


She would not feel obligated to explain or send a gift, although she would if she were close to the either the parents or the bride.

Just because someone invites you to something doesn't mean you have to go, although it is polite to reply. You obviously wouldn't enjoy yourself, so you'd actually be doing them a favor if you stayed home.

[barb162]

91. that's a very good Amy Vanderbilt response too

I'd send a nice wedding congrats card when the big day comes

[FreedomAngel82]

94. I agree

No need in making a big deal out of it. So what? They're religious. Whoopie. Just because someone has found religion doesn't mean you should be all immature about it and doing throw-up emoticons. If you don't want to go don't go. Send a little something if you want and a note saying you couldn't make it. If they ask you why tell them it's none of their business. There's a mature way to go about it. Making puke faces and going "ew" isn't the way. And so what. She's a virgin. That's her choice. Good grief.

[Maddy McCall]

2. Does the invitations say "Christian wedding?"

[CountAllVotes]

6. yes that is what it says on it ...

a "Christian" wedding. :puke:

[theboss]

8. That's odd

But whatever....99 percent of the weddings I've been to have been in a church.

[CountAllVotes]

17. it is a way of shoving the fundie crap down your damn throat

and they know it too.

I am Catholic as I was baptized as one. Whether practicing on not, I consider this to be my "religion" on some levels only (I'm admittedly scant on Catholicism).

The envelope has flags all over it etc. It sickens me. I guess the niece who I never met but once about 15 years ago follows this same path otherwise she'd bail and find another path in life (that's what I did!). I would suggest to her that she screw around for a few years or for several years (like 10) before getting married.

Ugh.

[theboss]

19. So, don't go

You really aren't scoring any points here by throwing a tantrum.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

3. The wedding is *NOT* about the parents.

If you have a relationship with the person getting married, you should bite your tongue and go if you can. If you still don't feel comfortable, you should send an appropriate gift. Punishing a person because of their parents isn't right.

However, if you have no real relationship, just reject the invitation and say you're out of town on business or something. It's not like they'll even really notice.

[theboss]

4. I go to, like, 20 weddings a year

You are not from the northeast, are you?

Go to the wedding, eat some cake, give them a few hundred bucks, and go on with your life.

I would say do the "Chicken Dance," but it doesn't sound like that type of wedding.

[Bunny]

37. Give them "a few hundred bucks"?

Wow - that's pretty extravagent! I'll be sure to invite you to my next wedding.

[theboss]

42. I was heavily influenced by the wedding scene in Goodfellas

But you have to consider a lot of factors when giving a wedding present.

1. How much is the cost per person at the Hall or restaurant? Don't be one of those couples you go to a $20/plate wedding and then give $25. You have to at the very least pay your way.

2. What is your relationship to the couple? If you are close family, it should be something like 5 times the cost of you and your dates meal. Say, $250. Close friends, 4 times, say $200. Distant family 3 times, and down the line to about .5 times when some crazy lady at work invites you for no apparent reason.

3. Have your kids received gifts from the families in the past? This is very big in Ethnic NE circles where you figure you have been a baptism, a christening, a first communion, at least 18 birthdays, and a high school graduation party for every kid in the family. If your kids have received $1000 in gifts over the years, you can't all of a sudden, throw a $20 bill at the daugther on her wedding day.

[Bunny]

51. We aren't as generous as your family, apparently.

We typically give 10 buck or so on birthdays, maybe 50 bucks for graduation. None of my neices or nephews have married yet, so I don't know how much would be expected. It's probably going to be about $100.

[Horse with no Name]

56. I think that boss is used to going to these

huge Italian weddings...and the cash flows at these things.
It's a cultural thing.
When my cousin got married...they asked that nobody send gifts.
They put a statement at the bottom of the invitation.."Your Presence, not Presents, is requested".
They were simply not materialistic.
It was a great wedding.
$100 is a reasonable gift...but then again, so is a place setting of china or silver.

[theboss]

57. I've been to the "no presents" weddings

Those have typically been second weddings for both the bride and groom or late in life weddings. I have no problem with not bringing a present then.

But I would have a really difficult time going to a 20-year-old's wedding and not giving them a "little something to get started."

[Horse with no Name]

58. yeah me too

I have a fetish for fine china..so I generally always give dishes rather than cash if they have chosen a pattern.

[Ravenseye]

104. Apparently not Pennsylvanian Italians

Half my wife's family is Italian and they were the cheapest people at our wedding, outdoing even my cheap ass Arab family, which is impressive in a 'thanks for the $5 item from crate and barrel, you shouldn't have' sort of way.

[youthere]

82. I think DU should have a "chicken dance" smiley.....n/t

[KarenInMA]

5. Most weddings are religious.

If you think this will not be to your taste, RSVP no and send a gift- whtever you can afford.

The wedding isn't about your political views, and bringing them will only make the bride, groom and yourself uncomfortable. Unless you are very close to your brother (which it doesn't sound like) don't go.

[On the Road]

7. Just Buy a Comparable Gift and Go to the Wedding

No big deal. If you can't identify with the sentiments, use it as an opportunity to think about why you see the world differently. I go to my parents' fundamentalist services whenever I visit them.

[youthere]

9. Go to the wedding...

and then entertain us by posting about it afterward...As for a gift. make a large donation to something like the Rainbow coalition-in their name of course. That's what I'd do.

[MemphisTiger]

14. I like the donation idea

I'll do that next time for a wedding gift.

[CountAllVotes]

21. hey now that is a great idea

One donation to Dennis Kucinich! :D :D :D

:kick:

[theboss]

24. Why do you want to upset an 18-year old woman?

Keep telling yourself: "It's her day. It's her day."

If you hate the parents, deal with them on their own time. Don't drag the daugther into your petty feud.

[bunkerbuster1]

34. Why? Because when the 18-year-old has dumped this loser in five years

you will know that at least one family member wasn't encouraging her into something that was doomed to failure.

[theboss]

35. That's presumptuous

Look...I've been to weddings where we've had bets on the Over/Under for the number of years the marriage will last. But keep that to yourself.

Here is your job as a wedding guest:

1. Tell the Bride she looks beautiful.
2. Tell the Bride's mother that they both look beautiful.
3. Tell the Groom he is a lucky man within earshot of the Bride.

That's it. That's the list.

[Horse with no Name]

52. You are a great wedding guest.

And absolutely correct.
Don't do anything to spoil someone else's big day.
That's just moral kindness and goodness.
If you feel you can't play by the rules, then by all means stay at home and send a gift if you feel inclined, or don't send one if you feel like being an ass.
Politics is huge right now. But it doesn't trump grace and courtesy.

[comsymp]

63. I think that bears repeating

Politics is huge right now. But it doesn't trump grace and courtesy.

I swear, that almost merits learning to cross-stitch~

[LynneSin]

38. When did we all become marriage counselors?

:shrug:

If you're not the immediate family it's none of your business.

[bunkerbuster1]

41. True, it's none of my business.

but I have declined an invite to a wedding I disapproved of, and in retrospect I'm glad I did.

Just sharin'.

[Yupster]

112. When I got married there was a birthday cake

in my refrigerator.

I asked my mom why and she told me that today was my sister's birthday. Oops. I hadn't even thought of that.

She said my sister didn't want anyone to mention it because she wanted it to be entirely my day.

My mother bought the cake for the next day once I was off on my honeymoon.

I thought that was awfully nice of all of them.

[belle]

119. Politely declining an invitation isn't 'contributing to a feud," imo

It's good sense, I think. What people said above: write "no thank you, I'm previously engaged" send a nice card, and go on your merry way. You don't owe them anything. attending out of some warped idea of "family" (you don't even really know these people, right?) will just give them more space in your head. You don't need it, they don't need it.

[melissinha]

15. ha ha

Yeah think of some left wing, environmental gift to give to them... something recycled/ecofriendly and I don't mean recycled like the towels they gave you..... yeah find a gift from an Eco store and write a card that says hwo they deserve the very best which is recycled/eco-friendly, of course!!!

[oldcoot]

127. Some of these items are very nice

I bought a very pretty vase once that was made out of recycled glass and I gave it as a gift. The OP might be able to find a gift that is both unique and easily affordable.

[theboss]

23. Don't mix weddings and politics

It's the woman's day. Don't be an ass and spoil it.

[LynneSin]

25. No, why the hell would you do something like that?

And I'm not saying about making a donation to a progressive cause but punish the niece and try to ruin her day because maybe the parents are a little nuts.

We should be above this trite behavior especially on a girl and her day in the spotlight.

[youthere]

106. Where did I advise the OP to ruin her day?

I said go and post here about it afterward...I always enjoy a good fundie story.
:shrug:

[IADEMO2004]

11. Go and go goth

[Tux]

16. Shit

Can't do that, it's a Christian wedding.

Get stoned then hammered at the reception. Afterall, didn't Jesus turn water into wine at a wedding so people could get shitfaced?

[Dora]

12. It's a wedding, for goodness' sake

If you don't want to go, send in your RSVP card and graciously bow out.

Because she's your neice, I think it appropriate for you to send a gift, however small. Regardless of what your brother and sister-in-law sent you as a wedding gift.

A wedding is not an appropriate event to pick a fight.

[CountAllVotes]

26. they is not an option to NOT ATTEND

As I mention above - just a card to send back saying HOW MANY will attend. Ms. Manners where are you?

[Dora]

27. That's their mistake.

You can still graciously decline.

[theboss]

29. You are supposed to fill in "0" with a note apologizing

This is not that hard.

[CountAllVotes]

31. ok thanks

I had no idea, I will do that.

:toast: Thanks!

[theboss]

33. And send a gift

If you hate them this much, $25.00 will do.

I've given cousins I've never met $100.00 for weddings and gone to funerals for uncles who I saw for the first time in the casket. It's just part of life in big families.

[pitohui]

77. not a part of life in big families

my best friend has a huge extended family

i have a huge extended family

both families independently came up with agreements to only exchange gifts between those closest to us and those gifts are restricted in price, never more than $25 to $50 or so

few can afford to send $100 every time someone we don't even know has a wedding, eek

no one should be inviting strangers to their wedding, that is pure greed and sets the tone for an ugly money-grubbing future, if the couple cannot support themselves, they should not be getting married until they can

don't enable couples to start their future together as beggars

18 is too young to get married anyway, i would never support this even if the young woman were actually someone who had treated me well, instead of the stolen towel gift thing

[Gormy Cuss]

53. What Miss Manners would say

Reply cards are gauche because they presume that the invitees do not understand that etiquette requires a reply. It's true, even though nearly every invitation I've received has the reply card included. Ignore the card and write a short note expressing your regrets (if that's what you choose to do.)

Miss Manners also goes off on bridal registries filled with expensive baubles and requests for cash. Paraphrasing her, if there's a price for admission, please sell tickets. If you gift, feel free to ignore the instructions and do what feel appropriate to you.

Miss Manners is really quite funny on the devolving marriage etiquette.

[Midlodemocrat]

66. I didn't include reply cards with my invites

and most people did know that they were supposed to write a response back to my parents. Those notes were lovely. I still have them.

[Gormy Cuss]

71. What a great keepsake! n/t

[kestrel91316]

62. This is standard AFAIK, so they have a head count ..............

RSVP means reserve sil vou plait: please make a reservation (if you are coming).

If you don't want to go, don't go. Just send a gift with your regrets in writing, no big deal here.

And there is also nothing strange about saying where the bride is registered. Instead of getting something useless, they get gifts they have picked out because they want/need them. Much more practical.

[theboss]

67. That's still a fairly controversial subject

Sending the registry information the wedding invitation seems to be a new trend. I think it's because people are so spread out now that it's tough to find out the old way - asking the bride's mother in the beauty salon. But it's still a little questionable.

[kestrel91316]

72. I don't take offense at it ..................

I HATE the ordeal of shopping for gifts like this, I agonize and can't decide and worry that the gift will be either useless to them or duplicated. Registries solve that problem, and you don't HAVE to use them anyway.

[tammywammy]

98. I give something handmade if I'm close to the couple

The few friends that have married, I spent a few evenings cross-stitching a beautiful thing with their names and wedding date and such. It's turns out so pretty, and then I frame it.

But for all my cousins that are getting married, I just sign the card my parents are sending with a check for $100. I'm not close to them, so they don't get the hand-made gift.

As for the OP. If you don't want to go, then don't. I've not been able to attend weddings before. I'd send a note saying with regrets you won't be able to attend. Then for the big day, I'd send a card with a check inside or if they're registered you can always find a spoon set for $20.

[julialnyc]

101. I actually just got married

and have friends in my same shoes. I've been able to find most people's registries through "The Knot" and through www.weddingchannel.com. This way you can do it online (have it sent right to them) and you can see what the price range is that people are spending (if it is above my price limitations I always try to add to a set....... it sucks to have 4 forks and 1 wine glass!)


Really, a couple is grateful for whatever you send no matter the price (I actually got a little uncomfortable with people spending too much money on us). If you could only spend $5, at least they know you are thinking of them and if they are getting married for mature reasons thats what counts more than how much crystal and silver you can rake up.

[lukasahero]

102. Best wishes to you, julialnyc

Just thought someone should say that. :hi:

[julialnyc]

103. Thank you!

:)

[minerva50]

73. That's "repondez" not "reserve"

Means please respond. (yes or no)

[kestrel91316]

111. Oh, ok. I stand corrected (never studied French)

[The Icon Painter]

124. RSVP

Not 'reserve', sweetie. It means 'répondez' - 'respond'.

[pitohui]

76. just rsvp that zero will attend

how hard is that

it's your wallet

miss manners says the same

you cannot be obligated to attend any wedding -- even your own, pace cnn, if you get cold feet, you may have to lose some deposits, but you can always back out, love is grand, divorce is a hundred grand

for sure you cannot be compelled to attend a wedding of people you don't like who are obviously screwing up their lives and want you to donate cash/$$$ to enable their screw-up

[gollygee]

83. If you don't want to go, just write your regrets on the RSVP card

"I regret I'll be unable to attend" and send it back, but if it's your niece you should probably still send a gift.

[Renew Deal]

114. How many can include 0.

[MemphisTiger]

13. If they are good freinds, go to the wedding

if not don't go and send a small gift. Most weddings are religious ceremonies in a church. An event like this is not about you or your politics, it's their day. If you go and are uncomfortable, others will see it and you will be taking attention away from the happy couple. Probably best if you don't go.

[dogday]

18. What is so unusual about this other than your

obvious distaste for it? Most weddings are held in a church.

[LynneSin]

20. When it comes to weddings put politics & religion aside

I normally don't get a little pissy, but I can't let this one just slip away.

What's so wrong with your niece having a wedding in the faith of her choice? I mean, if I were to get married and send out invites to DU would folks be posting a bunch of :puke: :puke: :puke: smilies because guess what - my wedding would be in a Church and a Christian ceremony too. Just because I've added the words liberal & progressive to describe myself doesn't mean I have to remove the Christrian one.

First, as for the gift, if your niece is registered there should be a variety of gifts of all price ranges. You can probably find something nice for less than $25.00 or I've been seeing many registry lists also have giftcards to that store listed in the registry.

Second, it's a wedding. Put your politics & faith aside for a day and allow your niece to have her day in the sun. If it's a local wedding you can cut out early from the reception if you feel this family is a challenge to be around. If it's a wedding that will require you to spend money to travel there, just RSVP your regrets and send a nice gift.

My brother and I do not share the same views when it comes to religion and faith; however, I would never ever be disrespectful to his children who have been nothing but respectful to me. When I've attended events for any of my nieces & nephews, I do not attend just to proselytize my faith & politics. Instead I attend to show support for my family and let them know that I love them unconditionally (even if secretly I think their parents are a little nuts).

[iconoclastic cat]

22. Okay, you have to tell me how they went from zilch to Fundie in 1 term.

Let's hear it. Crack the knuckles and start typing.

[CountAllVotes]

28. I have no idea

wish I had an answer for you but I do not.

[iconoclastic cat]

36. I keep hoping that there's a cure...

maybe 49% of voters can have an intervention.

[wryter2000]

30. The gift

Whether or not you go, sending a gift is expected. Send a small amount of money to one of those stores and forget about it.

[CountAllVotes]

32. ok I'll do that

and maybe I'll donate something to the Humane Society on her behalf - like a lifetime membership - she'll be needing it.

:D

[bunkerbuster1]

40. Hmm. Emily Posts says send a gift

http://www.emilypost.com/etiquette/wedding/wedding_now_what.htm

but Wedalert.com puts it a little differently, per

http://www.wedalert.com/content/articles/gift_giving_etiquette.asp

(emphasis mine)

"DO give a gift, even if you can't attend. According to the fourth annual Lenox Gift-Giving and Etiquette survey, nearly 40 percent of people don't always send a gift to celebrate a wedding they can't attend. Sending a gift indicates your support and best wishes for the happy couple who are starting their lives together."

The OP doesn't support the marriage. I say, no gift.

[pitohui]

79. agreed no gift

i never send a gift to a wedding i don't attend

i'm tired of the money-grubbers and people with a hand-out who expand their wedding list in search of loot

a wedding should be for close friends and family

not a treasure hunt

i don't support the gift grab

[earth mom]

123. That's exactly how I feel

it's like people get out their phone books and send invites to every person they ever met-mere acquaintance or not-so they can get the goods. :eyes:

To the OP: If you aren't close to these relatives, why go through all this anguish? Tell em you can't make it, send em a card & some towels from T.J. Maxx -quality at half the price-to save face and as a token and move on. Honestly, the idea of sending money to a store for an account for them to buy stuff sounds like a total scam to me!

[Horse with no Name]

39. Ahhh I harken back to my wedding day

When I was marrying a loser (I was the only one who didn't see it at the time,lol).
Best gift I received...his father slipped me $500 in case I wanted a quick getaway from my honeymoon.
Of course it was said in jest...however, there is always a way to say things like they are a joke, but still mean it.

[kath]

49. wow, HIS father did that?!?!

[Horse with no Name]

50. Yep.

Wish I had listened.:shrug:

[Ian David]

43. Tell them you've already committed to attending a gay wedding

A gay Wiccan wedding.

And you're giving away one of the brides.

[kliljedahl]

44. ?

Keith’s Barbeque Central

[woo me with science]

46. Well what a loving aunt you are.

So stay home. If you can't get off your high horse long enough to be polite and congratulate her, then by all means stay home. So what if your niece is making a commitment to the person she loves, and she cared enough to invite you to share her joy. If you can't get past your own snottiness toward her freely chosen religion, I hope you will stay home and spare her your sour, unpleasant presence.

Geez. I'm glad you're not in my family.

[Squatch]

54. Fuckin-A.

Well said.

[Name removed]

47. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[minerva50]

80. Some of my family refused to attend or send gifts

to my brother's and sister's weddings because they weren't marrying Catholic. That was their prerogative. It happens a lot.

[Name removed]

81. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[jane_pippin]

48. My cousin did the same thing last year

I was in a similar boat last year. My cousins are fundies and one of them got married last year before the election. My cousin is not much over 18 and the wedding was announced a month before it actually happened. Most of the family disapproved because they are so young and we've had our fair share of failed young marriages. (A couple successful ones too, so one never knows).
When the day came we were all there wishing them well hoping for the best and giving what support and love we had to give.
I didn't like the pastor going on and on about wifely servitude. I didn't like his jab at the "gay agenda" he slipped into the ceremony. I didn't like the American flags and fundie call to action posters in the hallway. But, it wasn't my day. I just sat in the pew, pinched my hand when I got offended, and smiled at my cousin.
I ended up being glad I went because first and foremost, I love being around my family (fundies or not), and also because it let me see a little bit of their world and understand a bit where they're coming from.
When I got the thank you note from my cousin thanking me for being there I knew that family support was more important than politics in this instance.
I'm not saying you should make the same decision. If you feel like it would make you nuts to be there, then politely decline and send a gift. I just wanted to share my story so you know you're not alone in feeling weird about the situation and that it is possible to go to a wedding like this and still enjoy it on some level.

[MissB]

55. I'd still go

The kid may need your emotional support in a few years. Go to the wedding, chuckle at the aspects of it that seem odd and tell the bride she is beautiful.

Give them cash or make a donation. I'd go with the cash myself - in this case, a donation to a charity would be mean spirited. Put the cash in a card and hand it to the bride after the ceremony.

Enjoy the food and drink and be comfortable, even if it isn't your thing.

As far as the towels are concerned- that should be water under the bridge at this point. I wouldn't hold it against the bride.

[BIG Sean]

59. If you like your neice...Go...if you don't like her...Don't Go

What's the big deal here? Is it because she is religious? So what?

[donco6]

60. Are you close to your sibling?

Or is this the sibling who only enters your life when he/she wants something?

I'm plagued with those. Damn freeloaders.

[CountAllVotes]

65. yep you hit the nail on the head

I NEVER hear from any of these people ever. I do not even know what the niece looks like.

I have sent this niece gifts/money, etc. over the years and never once received even one thank you note. I might as well for all practical purposes not even exist except when it comes to something like this I suppose.

Anyway, I'll send a gift.

The wedding is about 1500 miles away and I don't like flying anymore and that long of a drive is way to far for me.

[theboss]

69. Eh, we all have that side of our family

But grandmother got invited to two wedding showers and a wedding for a grand niece she had never met. She just sent one card with a gift for the whole shebang. That part of my family is nuts, though, some of them are in their 60s and still throw surprise birthday parties for themselves...and expect gifts.

[donco6]

70. That sort of thing chaps my ass.

You *know* they just want their gift - preferably cash. And you'll probably never hear from them again.

Until the divorce anyway. I'm with you on that one.

[hippiegranny]

93. this added bit of detail

helps alot. I have read with interest what others have said, but until you provided these clues I wasn't really sure what I thought. Now I do:

-Send the RSVP card marked 0 with a note explaining you cannot attend.
-Send a gift only if you want to and with no expectation that it will ever be acknowledged.
-Forget about it.

[oldcoot]

128. They probably do not expect you to go

It would be unreasonable to expect someone who lives 1500 miles away to drop everything to attend a wedding. They may have simply sent invitations to all family members.

[Bridget Burke]

61. You're free to decline any invitation.

Just write your regrets on the card enclosed. Send a present or don't--from the registry or not. If you attend, be polite. You can duck out of the reception early--there will be NO alcohol.

It was tacky of them to describe the wedding as "Christian." Most that I've attended were in churches, so it's sort of obvious. Except that most of them were in Catholic churches--some do not consider them Christian.

[CountAllVotes]

68. or there will be booze flowing alright

as we've got many alcoholics waiting on this one no doubt. I don't drink myself and I'd feel very out of place no doubt. I agree, tacky is the word for this. Why identify a wedding as being "Christian" is what really turned me off. *sigh*

I'll send a gift and and the note back saying I won't be there. I don't suspect they really wanted me to attend anyway ... just a way to grab a few bucks most likely. Sad really.

[TWiley]

64. Send a fart cusion along with a stink bomb.

That would be my recomendation.

[newportdadde]

74. You have only seen the neice once?

I don't think your obligated to go then just simply because of that, none of the of the other stuff would even matter.

However, if you feel a connection to the bride I think you should go and give her and her new husband your best wishes. Be a class act, don't let it be about you and her parents.

[pitohui]

75. i skip most weddings

you are not required to give any acknowledgement to someone who sent you stolen laundromat towels for a wedding gifts

they are just mining you for money and/or gifts they can return to a store for cash

decline to be mined

i only attend small weddings of my most closest family and friends, if there's 300 other guests there, your presence is not needed anyway, they just want you for your wallet

[CountAllVotes]

78. you are right

and I know it. It hurts. That is why I seem so angry. I HURT damnit and YES I have tried (why would I have been sending gifts, money, etc. to this niece for 18 years?).

I like that - decline to be mined.

I've already decided I will not be going and furthermore I know they really do not *really* want me there anyway; just my wallet and gifts that can be easily returned (that never occurred to me!).

It is all about money and that is all really. Sad reality and as for my niece, she needs to throw some energy towards me I think. Never a birthday card, Xmas card, NOTHING EVER from her. Nice huh?

How is that for "family values" I ask?

[tammywammy]

99. My suggestion

Just send a note declining to attend. It's not the end of the world, plenty of people can't attend weddings for a variety of reasons. And send a card to congratulate them. That's it. If you don't want to send anything else, there's nothing saying you have to. And if the niece is pissed because you didn't send her money, then tough noogies.

[pitohui]

110. that's what i do

just send a card unless it is someone really close -- no one questions it -- we're not as all that as we think we are

haven't yet heard someone say boo-hoo you missed my wedding, you are excommunicated from this family

truth is they don't even notice

[tblue37]

117. Now I am curious.

I took your comment in the OP to mean that they gave you ugly gray towels, but that someone stole them from you when they were being dried at the laundromat. But others on the thread are reading it as meaning that the towels were stolen from a laundromat and then given to you.

Which one is it? You haven't corrected those who think your sibling gave you stolen towels for a wedding gift. But I find it hard to believe that is what you meant.

[noonwitch]

84. They'll probably have that damn Peter, Paul & Mary song sung, too

Every wedding at a fundamentalist church that I ever attended had that song sung during the ceremony. It's the christian version of "We've Only Just Begun".

[tblue37]

118. That was the Carpenters, not

Peter, Paul, and Mary.

[Initech]

85. I've been to a Christian wedding before...

IT SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get out of this any way you possibly can! Buy plane tickets to somewhere if you have to!

[CountAllVotes]

87. hahahaaaa!!

LOL!!!! Thanks for the good laugh! I needed that! :D :D :D :D

:kick:

[Initech]

109. What? I was being serious!

[Renew Deal]

115. I've been to wonderful Christian weddings.

What does that prove? Does it prove that he must go to the wedding?

[ArkDem]

88. I hope that my children will grow up to be as gracious as you!

[DeepModem Mom]

89. Almost a hundred posts. Use the word "Christian" in the subject line...

and it's guaranteed. As the mods say when they choose to lock these posts, Christians should perhaps not be "painted with a broad brush," as many of us, especially on this board, subscribe to a liberal, humanitarian philosophy of love for others.


On edit: imagine these subject lines --

"ewwww I got an invitation to a 'Jewish' wedding":puke:
"ewwww I got an invitation to a 'Muslim' wedding":puke:

[barb162]

90. what does this mean

being using their house as an ATM a

[Tallison]

116. Repeatedly remortgaging the house to

enable living beyond one's means, I think.

On edit: Took me a moment, too.

[Vickers]

125. Home equity loans for that big-ass plasma TV!!!!

I have relatives like that. Not a nickel in the bank, but godDAMN they have some nice stuff.

Me? I dress in Goodwill stuff and I'm LOADED.

As far as the wedding: don't go, send a small gift and a nice card.

[DemBones DemBones]

92. I've got a sister-in-law who sends lousy presents --

maybe your sibling doesn't even know what was sent to you for a wedding present.

The bride is your niece so make nice.

You don't have to attend a wedding that far away but you need to let them know you won't be there so they won't shell out $20-25 for your dinner.

Send a nice card with a personal note in addition to whatever you send as a gift. Be better to her than they were to you. After all, SHE didn't send you crummy towels as a wedding present.

[rocktivity]

96. Decline in writing, send a gift--everybody wins.

Even if it is your niece's day, there's no point in going if even the thought her parents' prescence makes you this miserable. A practical gift or a gift certificate will allow you to congratulate and acknowledge the bride without getting her parents involved.

:headbang:
rocknation

[Name removed]

97. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[electron_blue]

100. I wouldn't want anyone puking that much to come to my wedding

If you can't summon enough support for your niece's wedding, don't go.

[The Flaming Red Head]

105. Go and eat as much free food as you can

buy their gift from the dollar store and when no one is looking be sure and spike the punch

[MissMarple]

107. Send a picture album for wedding pics...from WalMart.

Something cheap and white and plastic, along with sad regrets because you are unable to attend.

[TXlib]

108. Send your regrets, and...

assuming you like (or at least don't mind) your niece, send a wedding present.

Get something off their registry, or send cash. Don't punish her for your dislike of her parents.

[Renew Deal]

113. The wedding is not about you

it's about them. If you go, your ego will precede you. It doesn't matter what religion you are. It's their wedding.This is not nearly as horrible as you think. And if they invited you, they want you there on some level. It's OK to say no.

[IdaBriggs]

120. Don't Go -- But send them something "educational" as a gift.

Anytime you have a teenage bride, odds are better than even the marriage isn't going to last anyway, so have some fun with it.

Perhaps a copy of the Kama Sutra? :evilgrin:

[Alcibiades]

130. Bobble-head Jesus

Is an appropriate gift for any occasion.

[Shell Beau]

121. As a Christian, I don't think much about it. Why

make it such a big deal? Either go or don't.

[Hamlette]

122. you might consider building a relationship with your niece

My in-laws are Mormon, admittedly, as nutzo as they are, this new breed of "Christian" make Mormons look sane. I love kids so I ignored the religion and was close to the kids. I would tell them "I'm a third generation godless commie pinko and god sent me to teach you tolerance."

None of the four of them are Mormon. I don't think I had anything to do with it, might have, who knows, but I do know that they know a whole family of atheists whom they respect. Which goes a long way to bridging the religious divide...IMHO.

If you really can't tolerate it, don't go. If you like the kid or have any interest in her, go and gently needle her to insure she is at least tolerant.

[BiggJawn]

129. Be busy that day....

"I'm SOOOOO sorry, but that's the day I'm having my sink fixed, and you KNOW how hard it is to get a plumber to come over...."

Why bother? Your niece will in all likelyhood be a single mom within 2 years anyway....Save your money for the baby shower in about 3 months.