If Christ Himself ran for president, how would the repubs smear him?

[mopaul]

[no_hypocrisy]

1. Jesus: A Liberal of the Worst Ilk. Socialist. Milque-toast. French.

[bvar22]

117. French "Looking"

*

[peekaloo]

2. Son of a Whore!

[EFerrari]

3. Bad family, gay extremist.

Disloyal obstructionist. Anti military freeloader.

Otherwise, they'd love him.

[Douglas Carpenter]

4. weak on defense and encourages a culture of dependency

[merbex]

5. Just look at who he surrounds himself with - the outcasts of society!

[mopaul]

6. call out the swift boat apostles!

they served with christ and they know what a two faced traitor he really is

[K8-EEE]

59. LOL! Well They Didn't Serve WITH Him....

But the served kinda sorta AROUND him and they KNOW that all the written records are NOT TRUE!

[MidnightWind]

7. Never married. Hangs around with 12 other guys.

Obviously gay.

[Garth Beaumont]

104. If sexuality

overwhelms your mind!

[friesianrider]

119. LOL...my mother ALWAYS says that!

She is convinced he was gay, and when you read the Bible - it is hard to dispute.

[Peace Patriot]

124. That's just because the "Fathers of the Church" edited the New

Testament around the 5th Century A.D., to remove all references to Mary Magdalen's leadership of the Apostles--found in fragmentary form in the recently discovered "Gospel of Mary," the earliest Gospel--part of the mss. called "The Gnostic Gospels"--in which Mary Magdalen is clearly regarded as the closest person to Jesus with the highest understanding of his teachings, and is deferred to as the leader after his death. After editing this out, the Church "Fathers" then inserted the nonsense about Peter ("upon this rock, I will build my Church"--Jesus never said anything like that; he was most decidedly NOT an empire builder), and possibly also the emphasis on "the Father" (as opposed to the Great Mother).

So, we end up with 12 male Apostles headed by Peter--a complete distortion of what the earliest Christians were like (communal, welcoming, tolerant, and very democratic--they drew lots to decide who would preside at Mass--children, women could preside). I think Jesus was more of a kundalini-type--a meditator--who didn't play around, and was extremely sensitive to spiritual/physical development of others. His wisdom is just too true--simple, elegant, heartful, penetrating through every bit of B.S. that humans had so far devised to justify greed, bigotry and warfare--for him to have made ANY mistakes with his followers about what they could understand or do.

People like to think he slept with Mary Magdalen--and even had a child with her. There are lots of legends about it. If he did, the Church "Fathers" sure didn't want us to know about it. They burned any Gospels that suggested any such thing. There were lots of early Gospels; they chose the few that could be edited to support the male hierarchy and empire building, and called these the "Synoptic" or "authorized" Gospels. It's amazing, though, how much of the pure teaching survives in those Gospels. It's why I don't wholly reject the Church. Somehow that Light got through, though it was suppressed for a thousand years through destruction of the Romans' educational system (i.e., people lost the art of reading.)

Did he sleep with Mary Magdalen? I'm not sure what I think of that--and I have a feeling it's the wrong question. If you get into Gnosticism (the earliest form of Christianity), you see that he probably believed that human life involved too much suffering and that you wouldn't want to inflict that on anyone deliberately (by risking having a child). On the other hand, there are forms of esoteric teaching that permit and even encourage sexuality but not completion and procreation. (It is supposed to be the secret of long life and health.) I don't know. Jesus was very much into being human, though--experiencing every aspect of human life, from feasting and celebrating, to hanging out with the fishermen, to being bathed by the other Mary, to torture and death. Why would he skip the height of human pleasure and ennui? Or the joy of creation? --even if he might have considered it a mistake. He wasn't an esoteric eastern mystic--off in a cave contemplating his navel (as they say)--although he was likely taught by sages of that kind (--during his missing years?). His love for BEING WITH other humans is quite striking, among religious stories.

You know, it's like the Church "Fathers" severely distorted him and his teaching--with all the Peter and 12 Apostles edits--and the subterranean Christian culture--the Goddess worshippers--have been trying to balance the picture ever since, with worship of Mary Magdalen, and Mother Mary and Child, and understanding of the real teaching of kindness. This subterranean tradition leads to all sorts of creative expression: in the Arthurian legends, in the Troubadours of the Middle Ages, in the incredible Goddess cathedrals. The "Fathers" running their empire come in and try to stamp it out, sometimes very brutally (as in the First Crusade, which was against the Gnostic revival in southern France). But it would not die. It is fundamental to the life and teaching of Jesus, who stated, unequivocally, that we should LOVE our enemies and turn the other cheek when we are harmed. NO striking back. The MEEK shall inherit the earth. And perfection lay in giving all that we have to the poor. And where did he learn all THAT, if not from his MOTHER--his physical mother, or his Great Mother?

And? ...from his lover and wife? It's certainly the attitude of a lover--someone at peace with everyone in the world. And he took it as far as it could go--to submitting to his own torture and death. I've always doubted that any Mother would have approved of that. But men, you know--they seem compelled to blood sacrifice. Jesus balances it back--with a male perspective. If you're going to engage in blood sacrifice, guys, make it MEAN SOMETHING. Make it for all humankind. Not for greed and conquest. For love.

My, my, my! This thing about a gay Jesus has certainly gotten me going. I guess I'm saying that I think Jesus transcended our categories, except for one thing: He was mostly definitely a liberal, if not a downright communist (without the dictator part).

[bobbieinok]

125. sources, links for 'editing out role of Mary Magdalene'??

[flordehinojos]

8. they would crucify him all over again.

[K8-EEE]

60. It's Freeper Mentality That Killed Him First Time...

They love executing people....remember that innocent filmmaker from LA who was being detained, the Freeps were like "hang him! It's enough that there were washing machine timers in the turnk of the cab he was riding in. Hang him!" It really reminded me of the "crucify him" scenario, it's like, WHY?

The guy didn't even put his stuff in the trunk, all his stuff was on his lap in the back seat, yeah hang him, quite a liberated democracy they got in Iraq, much better than Saddam...

[K8-EEE]

62. He's WEAK ON DEFENSE...HE SAID TURN THE OTHER CHEEK!

They would do the Christ picture and then turn it, campaign style, and have the reader say 'THEY WANT TO KILL US KILL US KILL US AND HE WANTS US TO TURN OTHER CHEEK!"

[Hubert Flottz]

9. They'd bitch about him cheating the troops by not supporting the

War based on lies!

They call him a Ted Kennedy Democrat!

[BlueEyedSon]

10. Long haired hippie freak socialist

[indepat]

11. Repugs would smear him on every account all the while professing

their love of God and chanting their family values.

[papau]

12. As long as lack of GOP logic or truth is OK with the media, Jesus loses

From todays Guardian "In his vicious new book, The Truth About Hillary, Edward Klein jumps from her alleged promiscuity "Hillary and Vince's love affair was an open secret"; to her supposed frigidity - "Did the Big Girl have any interest in sex with a man?"; to her rumored lesbianism - "To Arkansas, she walked like a lesbian, talked like a lesbian, and looked like a lesbian."

The GOP will throw out crap like the above - and Fox will complain that the biased media is not treating folks like Edward Klein seriously - and if we get the 2000 and 2002 and 2004 media response of "report without analysis", Jesus will have a hard time.

[Cobalt Violet]

13. Call him a "Welfare Pimp".

[soothsayer]

14. Can't swim!

on edit: cuz he walks on water, NOT cuz of the holes in him

[Vickers]

15. *pssssssst* he's a jew

:P

[NWHarkness]

25. I can hear the push polls now

"Would you support Jesus if you knew he wasn't a Christian?"

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

16. UnChristian, unemployed, radical peacenik who hates America.

Which would all be pretty true seeing that back then there were no "Christians" and no America. He and his followers lived by acting as "healers" and were fed, clothed, etc, by ordinary people rather than working in usual sense of the word.

He reviled the rich, backed the common people, attacked the "establishment", "dropped out" of the workforce, hung around with whores, barkeeps, slaves, and other outcasts.

It's beyond incredible to imagine either major party would even consider someone like him to be nominated.

"Love your enemy."??! Talk about "weak on defense" and "too liberal"!!

[Hubert Flottz]

17. Does not agree with Anything, the Oral Majority preaches or...

believes in!

Is against the death penalty!

[kentuck]

18. He's a bleeding-heart liberal...

He never saw a social program he didn't like. He's a communist!

[Liberal Veteran]

19. He looks Arabic! He must be a terrorist sympathizer!

Plus he's anti-Christian values what with his teachings on private prayer!

[kittenpants]

38. but...but... Jesus has blonde hair and blue eyes... right?

[RC]

51. And speaks English good too.

[Gman]

20. Attack ad: Video of a plane hitting the WTC, Voice over says...

"The World Trade Center was attacked by terrorists and thousands of Americans died.

But Jesus would have turned the other cheek."

[Liberal Veteran]

"and that we should actually 'love our enemies'...."

Can we really trust a man who loves terrorists?

[oxbow]

86. let's totally make this ad!

i would love to see this made into a real ad

[laura888]

22. Excellent! n/t

[pretzel4gore]

30. good one!

jeez, seeing that, even i wouldn't support the guy! (and i'm not even xian, or american, or a voter for that matter! poor jesus maybe need to hire kkkarl robe(?!!)

[me b zola]

89. He wanted to give the terrorists therapy

[Glorfindel]

21. Charlatan...practices "medicine" without a license!

Liar...claims to be God and raise the dead!
Bleeding heart liberal...supports helping the worthless poor!
Cowardly peacenik...says "turn the other cheek!"
Blaspheming criminal...vandalizes house of worship; interferes with legitimate businessmen lawfully going about their business!
Kiss-ass to the Roman occupiers...consorts with tax collecters!
Immoral lecher...associates with harlots!
Just plain weird...doesn't work...wanders about spreading discontent!
Breaks the Sabbath...disrespects his mother in public!
Where would this country be if we listened to this madman? "Sell all you have, give to the poor so you wil have treasures in heaven, and come, follow me"?

Thank goodness we have Real Christians like GWB* and D*** Cheney to lead us in these troubling times.


:evilgrin:

[ima_sinnic]

23. they have already put together an attack ad against jesus! see here:

--from Mad Magazine

[Hubert Flottz]

33. MAD always gets my vote!

LMAO!

Edit> The GOPers would never notice Jesus was around, because their heads are all up G W Bush's Poop Chute 24/7.

[Ladyhawk]

131. Here's a GIF of that.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

24. NRA: He wants to take away your guns!!!!!

And turn them into farm implements!!!!

[MadisonProgressive]

26. dirty lying hippie con-artist

[Laughing Mirror]

27. He don't spayke Anglisch neither

And he's too dame young to be preznit.

[RobertSeattle]

28. "Roman Guards for Truth" would attack

"He passed out like a candle - he didn't suffer one bit"

"No one came out to watch him die - what a loser"

"He whimpered like a Baby as we nailed him to the cross"

[Name removed]

29. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[H2O Man]

31. My guess:

If Jesus were alive in America today, he would be crucified again. But it would be broadcast on pay-per-view tv.

[Gay Green]

77. And to increase the viewing audience

he would be crucified at the top of a telephone pole, connected to the electric wires, all because Uhmurrica just loves a gory spectacle.

:puke:

[fishnfla]

32. Little purple nail band aids for the palms, tattoed crown of thorns

The swift boaters would get in there and say the whole crucifiction thing was a hoax

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

48. ahh ya beat me to it!

[Itchinjim]

34. As the "Anti-Bush"

And the fundies would buy it.

[gulliver]

35. They would crucify him...just like they did the first time.

Currently they are only crucifying his memory.

Jesus was a capricorn
He ate organic food
He believed in love and peace
And never wore no shoes

Long hair, beard and sandles
And a funky bunch of friends
Reckon we’d just nail him up
If he came down again
...

"Jesus Was a Capricorn" by Kris Kristofferson

[renegade000]

36. i actually wrote a satire about this for my writing class

enjoy:


Jesus Christ, Wrong for America

Jesus of Nazareth is one of the gravest threats facing America today (second only of course to Hillary Clinton). Veiled under his illustrious messages of hope and salvation for the poor and downtrodden his real agenda lies—tax hikes, and a pro-homosexual, pro-crime agenda that will rot the core of our nation’s moral fabric. With his avowed policies of submission and surrender, he cannot be trusted with the security of our nation. And though he has claimed to have performed many miracles, as one of Jesus’ former disciples I can say that Jesus of Nazareth has not been truthful.

Undoubtedly, Jesus “Christ’s” miraculous exploits during his Judean stint in the Roman Occupied Near-East have been the focus of his followers and supporters, who seek to stress these deeds in order to gain popular support and further their own political agendas. Who wouldn’t be attracted to the tales of astonishing healings and amazing works? My particular favorite account relayed how Jesus converted mere water into wine. Indeed, as a fully accredited fisherman/accountant, I was engrossed with the venture capital potential of Jesus’ new theological scheme and quickly joined his budding assemblage. But are these stories even true?

Raising Lazarus from the dead is perhaps one of the most fantastic of Jesus’ so deemed healing “miracles”, along with the other numerous tales of his defying the bounds of death. However, for all these accounts, there has not been any third-party professional medical testimony regarding the actual medical condition of each respective “healed” person. Perhaps Mr. Lazarus had only slipped into a coma, or as our organization’s resident mortician, Dr. Lucy Furr, reasoned, “he may have been mostly dead.” Ah, Mr. Lazarus may have been “mostly dead”, rather than “completely dead”. Everyone knows that distinction. Having listened to this expert testimony, I have come to the conclusion that Jesus’ raising the dead is nothing more than charlatanic chicanery, and I amongst his disciples am not alone in my skepticism. My friend Thomas also joins me in voicing our doubts over the veracity of these tall tales. How can we put such a dubious individual in charge of our nation?

Yet, beyond the air of messianic savior-ism proffered by Jesus’ dodecahedral (though now admittedly fewer) cadre is a deviant lifestyle that basks in the decadent circles of our nation. Whenever visiting a town, Jesus can be seen cavorting with lepers and harlots. Between “forgiving the sins” of countless vagrants and lambasting the hard-working upper classes for their stockpiles of earthy possessions, he can be seen in the company of one, ex-hooker, Mary Magdalene. Can we trust Jesus to uphold honor and dignity in the White House? Finally, if his beard, long hair, and loose white robes don’t emanate an aurora of queerness to you, you may just be a hippy yourself. Is this the role model we want to display before our children?

However, beyond his personal dealings lies his most hazardous threat to our society, his teachings and philosophy. Jesus of Nazareth has consistently showed himself to be out of step with mainstream American values, and his public statements back this up. For instance, Jesus once spoke regarding taxes, “Render unto Caesar’s that which is Caesar’s.” Clearly, he is abetting the Keynesian high-taxation policies of the Romans that would hurt the American economy. On punishment, Jesus taught, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” Jesus would let America’s streets fall victim to vicious crime-waves without threat of lawful retribution. His message is a message of unconditional tolerance and love, citing the precept “love thy neighbor as thyself.” Would Jesus want America to tolerant and love his band of lepers, prostitutes, and even homosexuals?

Yet, most shockingly would be Jesus’ inability to defend our nation from the evil terrorists who seek to destroy our freedoms. His famous Sermon on the Mount proclaimed, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.” Would you entrust Jesus with prosecuting the war on terror and bringing the evildoers to justice? Finally, I give you the most astounding quote of political history, “If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn the other cheek. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also." Jesus clearly is no better than a French surrender-monkey. After 9/11, would he have turned to Osama bin Laden and given him the Sears Tower too? Is this the man whose vision we want running our country?
Jesus Christ. Wrong for America.

-Judas Iscariot
Founder, Galilean Fishermen for Truth

[Viva_La_Revolution]

80. Mostly Dead! LOL

I'll eat my hat if that's not a Princess Bride reference.

You got an A, right?

[renegade000]

135. lol indeed it is

and indeed i did get an A :P

[tomg]

37. I'm using Luke instead of Matthew

Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beatitudes


Blessed are you who are poor, for the kingdom of God is yours.
Blessed are you who are now hungry, for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are you who are now weeping, for you will laugh.
Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude and insult you, and denounce your name as evil on account of the Son of Man. Rejoice and leap for joy on that day! Behold, your reward will be great in heaven. For their ancestors treated the prophets in the same way.
But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation.
But woe to you who are filled now, for you will be hungry.
Woe to you who laugh now, for you will grieve and weep.
Woe to you when all speak well of you, for their ancestors treated the false prophets in this way

I'll go with Class warfare, although using Matthew migh be better because there he is soft of crime, weak on defense.

[Lannes]

39. "He is dangerous......."

[KayLaw]

40. He's crazy

You can tell by looking into his eyes. . . They repeat that when they can't say anything else.

Btw, my freeper neighbor said he would never vote for a Democrat because they're not compassionate enough.

:crazy:

[fishwax]

41. What this Jesus doesn't understand is it's the meek who are the problem

[alfredo]

42. Peacenik, anti business, non Christian. Possible homosexual because

he's unmarried, hangs out with a bunch of guys. On top of that, he wears a dress and sandals.

[Zorra]

43. Karl Rove would arrange a plane crash to kill him. n/t

[Ksec]

112. true

[RevolutionStartsNow]

44. Hey, Woody Guthrie wrote a song about that!

Let's have Christ for President.
Let us have him for our King.
Cast your vote for the Carpenter
that you call the Nazarene.

The only way we can ever beat
these crooked politician men
Is to run the money changers out of the temple
And put the Carpenter in

O It's Jesus Christ for president
God above our king
With a job and a pension for young and old
We will make hallelujah ring

Every year we waste enough
to feed the ones who starve
We build our civilization up
and we shoot it down with wars

But with the Carpenter on the seat
away up in the capital town
The USA would be on the way prosperity bound!

[leftofthedial]

45. Cross Nail Vets Speak Out Against Christ's Crucifixion Record

Say that witnesses saw ropes being used.

Also hint that Jesus was really only God's nephew, not son as claimed.

[sakabatou]

46. Of course they would smear him

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

47. Probably with purple heart bandaids on their palms and feet

[Tim4319]

49. Even though he fed the Hungary and cured the sick!

He's still soft on terror.

[DearAbby]

50. Smear would be a piece of Cake for GOP - Jesus was a convicted criminal

[lonestarnot]

52. "He's a pansy, purple bandaids on his hands and feet and ribs freak."

"He forgives everything and everyone, feeds people for free, heals the sick w/o insurance, and doesn't need our fook'n stolen oil."

[CityZen-X]

53. Not Only Would They...

smear Him, they would most likely hang Him!
Then we would see all the Catholics performing the sign of the noose? And the Christians wearing those little golden nooses around their necks!

[infinitehangover]

109. I think they'd be syringes

[Strelnikov_]

54. 'They Would Lay Jesus Christ In His Grave'

This Guthrie song pretty much says it all.

Jesus Christ
By; Woody Guthrie
1940

http://sg1.allmusic.com/cg/smp.dll?link=dl03et4c0p29xjx59co4lpk&z=MP3&r=20.asx



Jesus Christ was a man that traveled through this land;
A carpenter, true and brave;
Said to the rich, "Give your goods to the poor",
So they laid Jesus Christ in His grave.

Jesus was a man, a carpenter by hand;
Carpenter true and brave;
And a dirty little coward called Judas Iscariot
Laid Jesus Christ in His grave.

The people of the land took Jesus by the hand,
They followed Him far and wide;
"I come not to bring you peace, but a sword",
So they killed Jesus Christ on the sly.

He went to the sick, he went to the poor;
And he went to the hungry and the lame;
Said that the poor would one day win this world,
And so they laid Jesus Christ in His grave.

They nailed Him there to die on a cross in the sky,
In the lightning, the thunder and the rain.
Judas Iscariot committed suicide
When they laid poor Jesus Christ in his grave.

One day Jesus stopped at a rich man's door.
"What must I do to be saved?"
"You must take all your goods and give it to the poor",
And so they laid Jesus Christ in His grave.

They nailed Him there to die on a cross in the sky,
In the lightning, the thunder and the rain.
Judas Iscariot committed suicide
When they laid poor Jesus Christ in his grave.

When the love of the poor shall one day turn to hate,
When the patience of the workers gives away;
"Would be better for you rich if you never had been born",
So they laid Jesus Christ in His grave.

This song was written in New York City,
Of rich man, preachers, and slaves;
Yes, if Jesus was to preach like He preached in Galillee ,
They would lay Jesus Christ in His grave.

[ten]

55. His wounds were self inflicted

He really stumbled and just fell on a cross.

[Quixote1818]

64. LOL , They would have a fringe religious group lead by Pat Robertson

smear Jesus as a fraud and his wounds as self inflicted.

[fortress]

56. Pacifist = pussy

wants to coddle terrorists.

[dchill]

57. They would rather see Jesus...

as the "Democrat Party" candidate than Hillary, their current fave. So much more "weakness" to prey upon.

[long_green]

58. Pacifist; redistributive tax policies; anti-Rome

the hair, the dark skin, the Jew thing

[Greeby]

61. Funny you should mention it

[K8-EEE]

65. That's Awesome, Where Did You Get It??

OMG I lOVE IT!!

[Greeby]

66. Here

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blbushpictures.htm

So much material to work with :D

[blondeatlast]

110. I believe that was in Mad magazine originally, but don't take my word

for it.

It came out about the same time as the Sift Boat ads. Dead to rights perfect satire.

[Quixote1818]

68. That Rocks! I just sent it to all my Christian friends. nt

[K8-EEE]

63. Socialist Commie, I Will Have As Many Coats As I Want

He will limit the amount of coats you can have, if you have two you are supposed to give one to the poor. COMMIE!

[BamaLefty]

67. A Liberal Socialist n/t

[rateyes]

69. The guy can't even swim...

has to WALK on water. And, he's in the pocket of the liquor lobby...turned water into wine. Jew who is anti-Israel--actually drove people out of the Temple with a whip.

[wli]

70. they'd probably call him a communist and a terrorist

[McCamy Taylor]

71. He is Jewish. He is of middle eastern descent so a terrorist.

[Eugene]

72. Flip flops on protecting families.

"Hate the sin, love the sinner."

Also weak on the death penalty.

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

[Reynardine]

73. Another goddamn Jewish hippie

who pretends to be poor, while sponging off his rich uncle (Joseph of Arimethea), while he convinces his hangers-on that he's the son of god. Fucks all the whores he can, because they remind him of his mother.

[slaveplanet]

74. Terraist,, anti-business

Interferes with money changers, and banking. very dangerous candidate

[Tace]

75. "He's So Stoned, He Makes W Look Straight!"

[noamnety]

76. Cruci-FICTION

So they tied him up naked and put a fake crown on his head. Sounds like a frat prank to me.

And don't EVEN get me started on family values - his mother has NO respect for the institution of marriage.

[CantGetFooledAgain]

78. His secret Messiah identity would be leaked to the Romans

...by the apostle Judas "Scooter" Iscariot.

[Sapphire Blue]

79. The shame is that they WOULD smear Him while calling themselves 'Christan'

Perhaps they should read the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John... might give them a clue to what Jesus advocated.

Matthew 25:40 is a wonderful example...

"And the King shall answer and say unto them, `Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these My brethren, ye have done it unto Me.' "

[Name removed]

81. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Sapphire Blue]

84. Would you please expand on your reply?

Which lies about Bork & Thomas are you referring to?

Which man's reputation are you referring to?

Who is "they" in your three statements:

"they have no shame"

Look at the lies they spread about Bork and Clarence Thomas.

They were willing to ruin a man's reputation to get political leverage.

[Redstone]

94. He / she didn't answer you, eh?

I think this one bears watching.

Redstone

[Sapphire Blue]

99. Still waiting for a reply.. I wouldn't want to misinterpret what s/he said

... as I might be inclined to do from what s/he posted.

[Redstone]

102. It was an odd one; I think you're correct to have had

your hackles raised. I predict a Granite Chiclet in the near future.

I'll try to help you keep an eye out.

Redstone

[Swamp Rat]

82. They would crucify him again

fucking hippy!

[stepnw1f]

83. They'd Call Him A Long Haired Hippi Fag...

They'd tell him to get a job and to stop leaching off the wealthy... as if the wealthy own everything. Jesus was a Socialist... so yeah, they'd go after him!

[DanCa]

85. Just like they did last time

Christ was a liberal and they conservatives of his day nailed him to the cross. The charge would be lead none othe by Dubya Phelps and Fawell

[infinitehangover]

87. Clearly he flip-flops! One moment he's dead the next alive!

[loudsue]

100. LOL! Now THAT was a good one!

:rofl::applause:

:kick::kick::kick:

[infinitehangover]

105. As further proof of his flip-flopyness, look at his feet! Are those...?

[blondeatlast]

108. Excellent! Welcome to DU--for that laugh, I'll offer two:

:toast: :toast:

:rofl:

[youngred]

88. commie, class warrior, weak on defense, soft on crime

Challenges the accepted version of God's word, anti-American

[Kurovski]

90. "Thinks he can walk on water."

"Too Liberal."

"Hippy peace-nik, blame-America-firster."

[kliljedahl]

91. Like this

Keith’s Barbeque Central

[Kurovski]

93. Perfect. nt.

[dooner]

92. He's a terrorist- lover

hyphen? no hyphen?

[marions ghost]

103. when in doubt

go with hyphen

[Tace]

136. Except After -ly

: )

[Lydia Leftcoast]

95. He made wine without a license!

He's a Samaritan lover!

His parents didn't get officially married till after he was born!

The people in his home town hate him so much that they tried to throw him off a cliff!

He encourages people to leave their jobs!

He's lowered the level of discourse by making unwarranted attacks on Pharisees!

He's a feminist!

He spent part of his childhood in Egypt!

No matter what, they'd find something. No matter who the candidate is, they'll find something.

[Redstone]

96. One of his best friends is a pros-tee-toot.

No that Repubpicans are adverse to the occasional hooker themselves, but you know how good those Republican pots are at calling kettles black, even if the kettles aren't.

Redstone

[hyphenate]

97. Soft on issues

Too compassionate
Too wishy-washy
Doesn't understand complex issues
Too intent on social programs for the poor
Too dependent on other people
Has mental illness--schizophrenic (hears voices and answers them)
Long haired hippie freak
Wants to tax rich people too much
Too tolerant

[deutsey]

98. The Pharisees called him a glutton and a drunkard who hung out with

tax collectors and sinners. Check out Luke 7:34--

The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’

I suspect the self-righteous Right would do the same.

They'd also say he's anti-family and anti-life (Luke 14:26)--

"Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters; yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple."

I could go on, but what's the point, really?

[loudsue]

101. It's really spooky reading this thread....

It's ALL so frikkin' true. They'd absolutely "crucify" this guy.

:kick::kick::kick:

[Joe Chi Minh]

120. Actually, loudsue,

they are doing it all the time. When Jesus said, "What you do unto the least of my brethren, you do unto me", it was not a figure of speech. By the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, Christians are in the process of becoming "other Christs" - although by adoption and not as of right.

We are kind of cloned cells of what is called his Mystical Body, the "True Vine" of his gospel teachings, which is constantly growing.

The Edinburgh Evening News used to be an amazingly NON right-wing propagandist paper, under previous ownership. In fact, it published an LTE of mine in which I castigated a Tory politician on the subject of the sudden and (still, of course) remorseless burgeoning of homelessness in our country.

In it, I advised him not to look too closely into the eyes of any beggar he passed in the street, as they could well be the eyes he looks into on Judgment Day, when he receives his sentence - as described by Jesus himself, in Matthew 18.

Also, incidentally, in the Old Testament, in Leviticus: "Do not take advantage of your own fellow-countrymen; each of you has a divine vengeance to reckon with; the vengeance of the Lord your God". Seems he's not really soft on crime.....

[Ksec]

106. Dirty hippy long hair freak

IMO Christ wouldnt last a week against the Reicht smear machine

[blondeatlast]

107. "Why does Jesus Christ pray in the closet? And why does He want you

to do the same?"

From the Gospel the crazed radical right somehow avoids like the plague, Matthew.

[dogday]

111. I heard he is a drunk and gets everyone else

drunk by turning water into wine. Yes, that sound like a right wing smear. Or did you hear he healed a man with sores? Yes sores, that's right....

[JaneQPublic]

113. He claims he invented Christianity. (nt)

[Ms. K]

114. Gee, this might get me into trouble with my fundie in-laws, oh well

Sorry about the sarcasm, I have no patience with these people.

And actually used this against Mr. K's parents one afternoon when they were sitting around smearing Kerry after the election, after my blinders came off, because they still believed the crappy Swiffer Boat ads.

I said, "Okay, I have a candidate for you. And you tell me what the Republican party would think of him. Ready? He wears long robes, and sandals. Has long hair and a beard. Is of Middle Eastern descent. Was born out of wedlock. Hangs out with prostitutes and taxmen. Doesn't believe in the death penalty, doesn't believe in letting the poor 'pull themselves up by their bootstraps'. Oh, and was convicted of a crime. Would you vote for him?"

I got in return, "Of COURSE we wouldn't vote for him! Hippie liberal, soft on crime, thinks the rich oughta be taxed more than the poor, Commie! Not to mention, he's from the Middle East? He's a TERRORIST!"

I smirked. And then said, "Well, then, you wouldn't vote for Jesus Christ. How CHRISTIAN of you!"

That put an end to the conversation. They're still smarting over that one. They don't like talking politics with me anymore.

Oh well....I'm not sorry I made them shut up around me in the slightest.

115. jesus

that guy is stuck in the 60s.

2,000,000 posts
Just kidding, a newbie.

[noamnety]

116. I love patriotboy's republican jesus

[friesianrider]

118. "Do-gooder"!!!

I remember Blob Novak on Crossfire accusing Janeana Garofalo of being a "do gooder"...she was like "um...yeah, and?" :shrug:

No doubt the Repukes would find plenty to smear Christ for - it surprises me so many religious nuts are Repukes considering Jesus himself was a flaming liberal.

[VOX]

121. "Out of touch with mainstream issues like capital punishment and crime."

"Is heavily into forgiveness, and cares about the welfare of the masses. He even hangs around with tax collectors!" :evilgrin:

[Cha]

122. The rethugs would

try and smear Jesus as a Liberal which is, of course, the truth.

But, the Irony would be lost on them and their bb size brain.

They would say Jesus did all the Good Only to Furthur his career!

[sundancekid]

123. you thought Therapy for Terrorists was bad?? this wacko says to LUV them!!

[bobbieinok]

126. remember 'Supply Side Jesus'??? the one repukes worship??

http://www.buzzflash.com/contributors/03/09/franken/ssj11.html

[moondust]

127. Long hair and a beard? C'mon, he's obviously burned out on drugs.

Our moneychangers say he's some kind of subversive terrist.

[Cell Whitman]

128. They already have a crew to bury Him.

The Bushes sent greetings...

http://gadflyer.com/articles/?ArticleID=258

Why is President Bush supporting a group trying to convince African-American churches to literally throw their crosses in the trash?
_______

that's the Unification Church flag in this photo of one of Moon's "priests" performing a Moon cross burying ritual.. this one in Israel...Moon says Jesus and God told him they didn't like the symbol. Maybe they don't, but what do you think of the conservative's savior doing the burying???



Full set that the above photo was taken from here

http://tinyurl.com/55w55

I really don't think many conservatives have read John 5:43.

[loudsue]

129. If all the Repuke fundies really KNEW what the bush mafia was doing

:shrug: they'd prolly support him anyway! :shrug:

They are bought and paid for by the rev. sun yung moon... as are all the repuke congresscritters. The fundies would never believe it, even though it's in the news, and it's documented.

:kick::kick::kick:

[Peace Patriot]

132. That got me to thinking: Why is pResident Bush supporting a religious

group that advocates loving terrorists, suicide bombers, and insurgents who are shooting at our troops, and who considers the chances of the rich getting into Heaven as slim at best?

Why is pResident Bush supporting a religious group whose preacher frowns on predatory capitalism?

Why is pResident Bush supporting a religious group that prays to an unwed mother?

Why is pResident Bush supporting a religious group that brainwashes its members with phrases like, "Thou shalt not kill," and "Turn the other cheek," undermining our fighting troops with guilt-trips about killing Arabs unnecessarily, and costing the taxpayers millions of dollars in psychiatric care?

Has this man not associated his pResidency with un-american activities and subversive communist claptrap?

Is this man not a "fellow traveler" of the most insidious and widespread conspiracy ever to eat away at the very foundations of Corporate War Profiteering?

[bridgit]

130. like the romans & pharisees did of course...

accuse him of fomenting class warfare, some things will never-ever change

[Zinfandel]

133. Limbaugh would "crucify" him. Long hair, beard, sandal & robe wearing...

socialist liar.

A naturalist, ("environmental-waco") bleeding-heart, anti-capitalist, hippie music loving freak. Just in it for the money...Who probably even smokes hemp & makes his own wine.

Hangs out with the poor and "low-lives".

An agitator to the the masses, draft dodging, anti-war, pontificating peace-nic.

A Jewish intellectual trouble maker, pretending to be the son of God, with no proof...

"Because, remember friends, George Bush really is."

Sieg Heil!

[ApBai]

134. Would you vote for Christ if he ran for president?

Well, would you?

[UrbScotty]

137. GAY-LOVER!

Hey, he loves everyone!

[Joe Chi Minh]

138. Trailer trash;

An indigent, sponging off women;

A liberation theology nutjob;

A closet Rasputin;

A durned Commie subversive;

[merh]

139. He'd be viewed as a communist or a socialist.

Feeding the hungry, taking care of the sick, clothing the naked. Who ever heard of such silliness. Let them take care of themselves.

It is not our job to take care of our own, they need to be responsible and take care of themselves! :argh:

:cry: