Ann Coulter ....From Uncyclopedia...this is funny stuff

[ElsewheresDaughter]

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Ann_Coulter


Ann Coulter in human form.
Ann Coulter is a benevolent, understanding woman. She leads civil rights causes around the world, helps foreign nations and investments, and understands the hardships inherent in living in a third world nation. She is the founder of the Getting Along Foundation, an organisation dedicated to the cause of making everybody get along. In 1996 she was anointed the patron saint of the Crusading Conservative Party of the U.S. in a ceremonial cruise by moonlight along the Potomac River, attended only by Republicans at the cost of $15,000.00 a plate.


Critics
Critics allege she is an unrepentant user of prohibited substances and a prostitute. Ann is quoted as saying of her critics "They think they are so smart just 'cause they done gone to college and I didn't."

Critics also make up inflammatory quotes which they attribute to her. This happens far more frequently than it does to Oscar Wilde, but since Ann is illiterate, she can't defend herself against these accusations. This blatant lying makes Baby Jesus cry, and God is forced to kill a kitten to cheer him up again.

Background
Ann was born as John in Salt Lake City, Utah to polygamist Mormon parents. She had one daddy and twelve mommies. She does not know which one was her "real" mommy because she was such an annoying brat as a child that they all claimed she was the child of one of the other women. A recent search of her birth records, however, has revealed that she was the daughter of none of them; she is the spawn of Satan (a.k.a. Barry Manilow) and Barbara Streisand, who paid the Mormon polygamists to raise Ann as one of their own. Ann, however, remains unaware of her parentage. She is likely to remain in the dark, as she is illiterate.

At the age of 23, claiming to be a woman trapped in a man's body, John had a vaginaplasty and became Ann. Her recent marriage would, to a certain degree, be considered gay marriage. She now militantly charges through the streets of Washington DC on a black stallion, calling everyone spiteful (though patently stupid) names if they even remotely resemble a Democrat, which she believes are antithetical to the cause of getting along.

Ann also became a virulent Marxist after watching Karl Capital slaughter 10,000 children in Iraq.

Fun Factoids
Miss Coulter, though she keeps herself slim and trim, is well-known as a lover of pie. It pains her so much to restrict her pie intake that, when she permits herself to eat pie, she ensures it is a grand occasion. Typically, she goes to a college, invites people to watch, and has the pie brought to her mouth via an overhand throw delivered by one of the local students. Historically the students have had terrible aim, which completely ruins it for everyone.

She's also a deadhead, meaning she's a huge fan of the Grateful Dead. It is known that she had followed them on a couple tours, but it's not known what substances entered her body at that time. It's also not known what she was doing surrounding herself by hundreds of evil liberals.

Though she appears to be against everything left-of-center, Ann likes to lock herself in her basement shouting liberal slogans and holding up banners supporting gay marriage. It is believed that this has some kind of auto-erotic effect on her, making her asshole very very hungry, and in dire need of feeding.

During the Tribulation, Ms. Coulter will be the Whore of Babylon, primarily due to the fact that in her high school years, she was Junior Miss Whore of Babylon both her junior and senior years.

Where Are They Now?
Ann is currently teamed up with famed producer Jerry Bruckhiemer (Babe: Pig in the City) to bring you the first political-horror-romance: The Coultergiest. Details are still sketchy, but it is rumoured that the lead roles will go to Robert Duvall and Cate Blanchett.

In 2005, Coulter graced Time Magazine's cover. This marked the first time that a Time coverperson was unable to read her own article due to illiteracy.

Quotes
"America is the shit, whereas everywhere else is just shit."
"Fuck the poor, why are they poor?"
"Hell, yes, that's me Emily Proctor played on The West Wing."
"All liberals have AIDS."
"Sometimes I wish women didn't have the right to vote. I mean, do we really want a bunch of hags who bleed out of their nasty bits and get all emotional and shit to pick our leaders?"
"If the terrorists had hit the New York Times building instead of the Trade Center, we'd be a lot better off. And no, I can't believe some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth, either."

[YOY]

1. Ann, She Wolf of the SS!!!

a proper tribute.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Seriously, I wonder why anyone would listen to a woman who makes such incredibly stupid claims. Never underestimate the power of Neocon stupidity I guess!

[Somawas]

2. Please pay attention:

She is usually known as (Tr)Ann Coulter. No offense is intended by that to our many GLBT friends and loyal posters. It is simply a tribute to her hypocrisy. And how else could a (wo)man have gotten an Adams Apple so large or hands like that.

She sometimes writes for www.republicanpress.com in her "nice slutty girl with good Republican values" personality as "Kathleen Kuntly." One of her other personalities is described above. Others remain to be catalogued.

I've been carefully studying this creature for some time. I did not know about the Mormon thing, but the rest of it sounds pretty spot on to me.

[FATNED]

3. I've had it!!!

That creepy goddamned picture seriously freaks me out. She is horrifying enough as it is. I should know not to open Coulter posts because of the high probability that I will see that terrifying picture.

See...I have a major phobia with spiders and I hate paging through a magazine and coming across a random picture of some huge, hairy, fucking spider. It scares the hell out of me.

The Coulter picture now equals my terror with spiders. It is genuinely scary. I freak out. There is actually piss running down my leg as I write this. It's not fair to spring that on an unsuspecting viewer.

How about a little love for Coulter-phobes? Her insane ramblings are piss-inducing enough without the creepy photo-shop.

I only wish I were kidding...