locked inside

[undergroundpanther]

I am so pissed over the whole mess Katrina Iraq our rights.

I am scared and angry.

Frustrated as hell.


First of all my partner is NOT up on any current events.
Politics is far away from his mind. Yes he is left. But I feel like he is in a denial trip.
for me I wish I had someoine to talk to someone who would listen instead of minimize.. Someone who KNEW what was going on,someone not afraid to HEAR me and listen and not try to argue and debate and cut*slack and make me feel like a paranoid or jerk because they are out of the loop of what is happening.

I don't have a list of talking points in my head,I don't have a political history dictonary I can pull out of my ass to convcince someone whos out of the loop that I think things are turning to shit-fast.

Emotionally I am going nuts I am so pissed frustrated and sad and I am so tired of having to REHASH and convince..I don't want to DEBATE what *I* see that they don't..yet.. I really want to be heard.And not treated like I am just uninformed,a cynic that hates or paranoid.


They are sitting upstairs watching movies. I couldn't sit there anymore.It's so surreal. I feel so alone. Inside my feelings are raw my sadness anger and fear is opressive.When I try to talk nothing I say is taken seriously It's blown off like I am a know nothing..And this is by people who could care less about what's happening..They justify it by saying well since I can't DO anything..why bother my own"serenity" with others pain.. AAAArrrGh..

[RBHam]

1. Make contingency plans.

After Cheney gives Al Qaeda the go-ahead, your whole country will look like New Orleans/The Gulf Coast.

A military police state is what the PNAC wanted - it's what they're working for.

You know this.

Make contingencies.

[RPM]

3. and buy a gun

as important a survival tool as water and food

[undergroundpanther]

13. I would if SOMEONE would listen!!

You see I get SSI I have very little money, I do not drive and I am stuck in the suburbs.In my moms basement. I have been saving up for a transgender operation so I can cope with my body. My mother just backed out of offering me financial help.It hurt me bad.because she lied to me.Either way I am tormented in this body..I fear I will need the money I've saved for surgery to survive on.To buy water,food nessecities. I just want to die NOW!!I fear I will be stuck in the wrong body forever as everything falls apart. For others around me I can't help but realize my chest surgery is a low priority a "frivolity" to them..To me it is Life saving help. But I see no way out.There is no use in trying to survive if the quality of life I will have will suck as it does now forever..

I wish I would just die now.I feel like taking a sharp knife to my chest cutting the skin open and digging out the breast tissue throwing it away (someplace that will contaminate it,)and calling
911 so they will come and I will get worked on and they can not put the tits back on.And if I die trying at least I won't die with udders.

I don't expect anyone but a trans-person to understand this kind of situation I'm in.And with the chaos coming ,the global warming,the coming prices for ANYTHING.Hope is gone for getting help..Fat chance I'll EVER be able to afford transforming when Gas ,food,heat.etc will make living day to day impossible on disability...
I have now lost hope for EVER being able to cope with life in this fucked up world.Poverty sucks.

I lock it all inside because I feel like nobody I live with wants to bother with MY perspective,because it bothers them, and they don't want to listen help me cope with my pain(because THEY are in pain too) or they don't want to listen to me because it is upsetting them or they are scared of what I am saying....They want to minimize,distract,and forget about it.

I on the other hand don't have that option.
I have been through too much trauma..my brain is locked in vilagent mode.I have seen too many bullies and sociopaths I know what they do and how inhuman they are. People really do not want to believe some people do not have human emotions. But some people don't This administration is full of psychopaths.And everyday I fear..It wasn't always this bad..But Bush is so fucking evil and they have so many weapons and loyal ass hats who are just like them,death loving win at any cost monsters..I fear for all of us.I do think Bush along with the saudis planned 9/11 on purpose. I think some DEM'S are sold out to the cabal.I think Kerry is sold out to Bush..Alot of Dem's are sold out because they feel trapped and helpless and want to survive the coming hell like all of us... I think the crash of civilization is being arranged so that the elites can cull the poor,the gays,women,non-whites,disabled, ect..It IS genocide it has happened before here..The Eugenics movement that gave us Hitler came from AMERICA!These pigs will do ANYTHING to hold onto power because they have NO conscience.The elites are prepared they have safe places,they have the best of everything to ride out the collapse so they can emerge and dominate again.
The only threat to them is US seeing them for what they really are,and their own ranks being disloyal and disobedient to the"chain of command".And it takes quite a bit of abuse before someone leaves an abuser,sometimes longer if the abuser makes you dependant upon them for EVERYTHING. And that is what corporations and government have done to us.

[crispini]

2. you are here with us (( HUG ))

we feel the same.

[uppityperson]

4. Hell, you must be me.

"let it just flow through you" really pisses me off. If they want to let it flow through them, fine with me, but donate, march, yell, email, phone call, carp here on DU. You are not alone, you are me and I am you and we are all together.

[TransitJohn]

5. for you

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[tnlefty]

6. This is eerily familiar!

I did mention to my spouse tonight, after the kids left the dinner table, you're really smarter than this, in relation to NOLA, Biloxi and why these things are going on. I think sometimes he just doesn't want to see that the attitude of some of our fellow Americans is ugly - based on a cult-like religious following, racism, greed, etc.

This isn't the country that I grew up in. Things weren't always great, but what is going on in NOLA, and the uncaring about Iraq, hatin' on the poor, greed, have turned everyday Americans into an ugly bunch that I just don't want to look at anymore. He thinks that because the swing voters are being hurt by gas prices that everything will get all better after the '06 elections. I think that the attitudes that I see in those Americans confirms that we are truly a morally bankrupt nation. It's like a cancer that needs to be dealt with.

FWIW, I can relate to what you are saying, but I don't really know how to help 'cause I live with a lefty and we are frequently sparring. I don't know how dems and repukes manage.

[GreenPartyVoter]

8. You too? Man.. so many of us are married to people in denial

---------------------------------------------------------
Would Jesus love a liberal? You bet!
http://timeforachange.bluelemur.com/liberalchristians.htm

[kestrel91316]

20. My BF is into blaming the victims; he's a RW loyalist.

:eyes:

[notadmblnd]

22. thats why so many of them are with us

we're stronger, They don't have to worry about anything.. we do it for them.

[undergroundpanther]

17. why can't he just LISTEN

I don't want debate to PPPPRRRROOOVEE my points I don't give a shit if they think I am wrong..Validation? I never get validated..

I just want to have a willing ear to relate what I feel to and to know and know I was at least heard.Agree I could give a rats ass over being right or wrong.. I want to know I'm not shouting crying and lamenting to myself all alone..just to be doubted,denied,minimized,blamed or told I am blowing stuff out of proportion,and creating nightmares for myself..Goddammit If you have trauma it's so easy for people to blow you off. It's maddening.

[tnlefty]

23. I'm not sure why he can't just listen. I often get vacant stares and

him stopping short of rolling his eyes. Sometimes I think that some people just can't deal with having certain illusions shattered. I often feel that I am screaming into a void, and it's not just with my spouse - other dem friends just don't want to admit that there is something seriously wrong in our country right now.

You're among friends here.

[GreenPartyVoter]

7. I married a freeper who gives me hell for wearing tin foil and hanging out

here. I feel your pain!

*big hugs*


---------------------------------------------------------
Would Jesus love a liberal? You bet!
http://timeforachange.bluelemur.com/liberalchristians.htm

[coffeenap]

9. Say it all here. If it doesn't feel right in GD, go to the lounge--

I think many of us are experiencing the same thing. Have you considered volunteering somehow? If you can find a group near you working on this situation or any of the other horrors sponsored by the BFEE, you will surely find people to talk to--people who will already know and understand what you do. Be well, best wishes, and peace to you.

[kittykitty]

10. "why bother my own"serenity" with others pain." Barbara Bush said

that just before the invasion of Iraq! "Why should I bother my beautiful mind with body bags", etc.

[undergroundpanther]

19. I know Barbara bush said it

And when I hear someone I love say it in effect it HURTS me to think they are that way, it's scary, it makes me want to scream! It makes me not want to trust.

[Stephanie]

11. get used to it

when you read DU and similar sites you are gettnig the news days, weeks, even years ahead of everyone else. I am used to the condescension, the ridicule, the wilful ignorance. And I am getting used to saying I told you so.

[Just Me]

12. It's difficult, knowing you cannot rely on others to validate your view,..

,...of an on-coming oppression.

I can only advise to you to stop wanting or expecting that validation. Feel validated and free within and through yourself.

:hug: AND, know that you are NOT alone. You are just on your own,...for now. :hug:

[In Truth We Trust]

14. You are not alone darlin' -hang tough-ur not alone. I think we all here at

DU feel that way at times.

People deal with reality in funny ways. You acknowledge it and are probably able to offer solutions to existing problems. Others are apathetic or in denial. Some are afraid and want to stick their heads in the sand. I am ready to do whatever it takes.

Hand tough darlin'. Pm me if you ever need a friend who underrstands okay.

Peace

[Oilwellian]

18. Awww

Your post is the sweetest thing I've read all day. It IS good to know we're not alone. :hi:

[titoresque]

15. OMG! You and I are living parallel lives!!

OK.........I'm here for ya, seriously! PM me.....I'm not kidding EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID is ME! So, if you really need someone who understands please let me know, cause I do!

Peace to you!

[babydollhead]

16. same

looking for like minded close to home.

[scottxyz]

21. It's very hard for some people to believe their govt is commiting genocide

So it might take a while for your partner to actually be able to deal with this fact.

It's normal for you to feel alone when you are sensitive to something which other people either don't know about or don't want to know about.

Some people have given me funny looks also because I've been ranting for the past few days that our government has walled off New Orleans and is letting people die there - while the cameras roll.

Yes it seems inconceivable but unfortunately it's what's actually happening.

So you are right that your partner is going through denial - hopefully they will break out of in good time.

In the meanwhile, do what you can to help. I'm just calling Baton Rouge, DC, whoever I can on the phone and saying WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO AIRDROP SOME FOOD AND WATER FOR THOSE PEOPLE??

It's the most I can do right now, because I don't own a helicopter.

[undergroundpanther]

24. Theyve committed it before

Forced sterilizations,Eugenics,it's an American invention,Our country was FOUNDED on genocide..

Why do people trust and submit to "powers that be" and LIE to themselves!!Give corrupt leaders way more of a benifiet of doubt that they are not lying than they do thier own loved ones? WHY WHy Why!!