Another example of the "Department of Homeland Looting"

[Greyhound]

Funny, yet kinda scary, account of the teeming metropolis of Southold, New York, and how our money is being used.

From GregPalast.com:

In the War on Terror, we are all on the front lines. Now Southold has apparently been
targeted by Al Qaeda. I'm not surprised.

Southold, if you look at a map, is situated at the ass end of nowhere. We are known for
our Strawberry Festival and fire truck parade. According to the Census, this tiny place is
made up almost entirely of inbred farmers, real estate speculators and volunteer firemen.

At one end of town is the "Brand Names Outlet Mall" and the water-slide park. At the
other end, there's a ferry boat that takes those who feel lucky to the Indian casino in
Connecticut. And in between, there's Main Street where we hold the Strawberry Festival. (The
festival is a quaint and annoying white-folks' ritual, an opportunity for backstabbing,
petty infighting and all-American small-mindedness. But that's another story altogether.)

Last month, Town Supervisor Josh, with powers granted him by the Department of Homeland
Security, declared a "national security emergency." (Supervisor Josh Horton is called by
his first name because he was elected at the precocious age of 26 -- based, it seems, on
his stellar qualifications: he wears shoes.) In light of the clear and present threat of
attack, Supervisor Josh ordered every one taking the ferry boat to the Indian casino to
park in the dirt lot across from the Country Store and not along Route 25.

It was just after the London bombings and Supervisor Josh insisted this was truly a
matter of preparing for terrorist attack, though some locals suspected it was less about Al
Qaeda and more about zoning. Supervisor Josh had been trying all year, unsuccessfully, to
change the zoning on the dirt lot next to the ferryboat launch from "farming" to "parking"
to boost the town's take from the inebriated gambling tourists. To scare off both Al
Qaeda and parking violators, Josh has posted, care of the federal treasury, an SUV at the
ferry dock armed with two .50-caliber machine guns. I kid you not.

The ferry to the Indian casino is our officially designated town "terrorism vulnerability
point" (TVP). If you don't pick a "terrorism vulnerability point," the town can't get its
slice of Homeland Security loot from the federal government.

All ferry passengers are now asked for their home phone numbers, though if they are
suicide bombers, they will not, after they strike, be able to answer the phone. No matter.

Homeland Security assigned three guardsmen, armed and armored, to the Vulnerability Point
because the town police are a little shorthanded since the crime wave in the hamlet of
Greenport a couple years back. It involved some petty theft, racial slur complaints and
baggies of pot sold. The crime wave ended when the village disbanded its minuscule police
force -- which had committed all the crimes.

Locals are taking the heightened security at the ferry with patriotic stoicism. Our local
pennysaver printed a letter from John Wronowski saying, "National security and safety
at the forefront of our efforts …since September 11, 2001."

Mr. Wronowski owns the ferry boat and parking lot.

The paper, The Suffolk Times, interviewed a passenger who bravely travels to visit his
in-laws twice a week. He said, with true grit, "I am not afraid."

But I am. What if there's a sleeper cell in Southold? All they have to do is review the
Homeland Security website for the town's Vulnerability Point and they'll know, "Hit the
water slide, Ahmad! The casino ferry's being watched!"

And there's more here that scares me. There's a jug out at the Lickety Splitz Ice Cream
Parlor on Route 25 for the Cennar Family. It seems that one of the Cennar kids has been
diagnosed with some terrible disease. Undoubtedly, the doctor bills are killing the family,
could bankrupt them -- and the community jug is out. There's always a jug out for someone
who's ill or got crippled and whose bank account has been wiped away.

And I thought: this is a national security threat. With the lumber yard shut and the
plastics plants gone to China, Al Qaeda could quite easily gain a couple of recruits in our
town: all Bin Laden has to do is offer health insurance.