Important info from the Center for Disease Control

[EnfantTerrible]

> THE CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL has issued a no-nonsense warning about a
> new, highly virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease
> is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior.
>
> The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him").
>
> Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4
> years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this
> especially troublesome disease.
>
> Cognitive sequellae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include,
> but are not limited to, anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions
> of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the
> English language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate
> new information; pronounced xenophobia and homophobia; inability to accept
> responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of
> misplaced bravado; uncontrolled facial smirking; total ignorance of
> geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies;
> and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or-nothing behavior.
>
> The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are
> amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years
> ago in a Texas bush.
>
> Please inform any of your friends and associates who have been acting
> unusual lately.
>

As a safeguard I have wrapped myself in platic sheeting and duct tape. I am assured by the head of FEMA that this will protect me from this bio-terrorist attack.