If I Spill Seed

[stepnw1f]

am I extinguishing souls? If so, I'm a "mass murderer".

[YDogg]

1. Only if you do it while envisioning Laura Bush.

You sinner, you.

[begin_within]

2. No, you're preventing overpopulation, thereby saving lives from starvation

[Spinzonner]

3. No, but Monsanto might sue you for not protecting their patented products.

Oh, wait, you mean ....

[Oeditpus Rex]

4. Yes, you are

Because...

Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great
If a sperm is wasted
God gets quite irate

[demigoddess]

19. it is only a sin because you might be fathering sons.

girls are expendable.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

5. Yep! A mass murderer who will be punished by going blind. ;)

[stepnw1f]

6. If I Go Blind, I'll Be Just as Bad As The Religious Right ;)

[rateyes]

8. If that causes blindness...

it explains a whole lot about the Republican party and its membership!

[0007]

7. Catch it in your hand then pop it into your mouth

and you'll save many and be blessed by giving them another chance.

[stepnw1f]

11. Would You?

Yikes!

[0007]

22. I'm probably the biggest

savior of souls in the world. Of course I've slowed down a little as I'm 72 years old.

I don't wear glasses or have hair growing on the palms of my hands.

[stepnw1f]

23. lol...(nt)

[achtung_circus]

9. You obviously need to go here:

<http://www.whitehouse.org/initiatives/purity/index.asp>

[knowbody0]

10. i remember a boy

crying after confession (Catholic) about all the dead babies he'd dumped in his socks.

[David Zephyr]

12. Hmmmmm

Well, you know what the Bible says in Genesis 38 verses 9-10 "So when Onan went in to his brother's wife he spilled the semen on the ground, lest he give offspring to his brother. And what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he slew him also."

Now, Stepnw1f, you have inadvertently revealed to us that you must spill a great deal to be a "mass" murderer. ;-)

[hedgehog]

21. Actually the crime was not giving his sister-in-law a child

It's a dispute over the inheritance, not birth control per se.

[stillcool]

13. No you are cool....

it's only females that are mass murderers. Males are just having fun.

[HockeyMom]

14. As a woman, I cannot resist

Should we bury our tampons? Got to give all those unimplanted fertilized egg "babies" a proper burial, you know.

[stepnw1f]

15. lol...(nt)

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

16. Every Sperm is Sacred...

Every sperm is sacred - Monty Python
There are Jews in the world, there are Buddhists,
There are Hindus and Mormons and then,
There are those that follow Mohammed,
But I've never been one of them...

I'm a Roman Catholic, and have been since the day I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics,
Is they'll take you as soon as you're warm...

You don't have to be a six-footer,
You don't have to have a great brain,
You don't have to have any clothes on -
You're a Catholic the moment dad came...

because...

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.

Let the heathen spill theirs, on the dusty ground,
God shall make them pay for each sperm that can't be found

Every sperm is wanted, every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed in your neighbourhood.

Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed,
In your neighbourhood.

Every sperm is useful, every sperm is fine,
God needs everybody's,
Mine
And mine
And mine

Let the Pagan spill theirs,
O'er mountain, hill and plain,
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed in your neighbourhood.

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.

[stepnw1f]

24. In That Case...

my balls are purgatory and I'm going to hell.

[Ksec]

25. Pounding yer pud is a sin

Youll go blind too.

Dont choke the chicken or youll kill potential human beings. Thats sinful.

[dalaigh lllama]

17. On a related topic -- Oh, that fertile ground

This was a not-so-subtle message given to us by a Catholic nun: "Girls, when you bleed every month, it is the womb weeping for the loss of a child." (Need I add, she was "series.")
Since I had observed firsthand how long my mother bled after my youngest sister was born, I thought, "Wow! Then wombs must REALLY be upset once you actually have a child."

[xchrom]

18. maybe -- all i know is that i am apprently in a great deal

of trouble.

do i have to 'splain?

[Boomer]

20. Just how long do Fundies think sperm last?

From all that caterwauling about lost seed you'd think sperm are immortal as long as you don't expose them to the air (or the sock or the towel or whatever floats your boat). Yep, them little sperm just swim around in endless circles waiting and waiting, for years even, until they are called to appropriate reproductive duty.

It's just a "reality-based" concept that sperm have a finite life span and are going to die anyway, so you might as well enjoy yourself. :evilgrin:

[Yupster]

29. Fundies believe life begins at conception

so the masturbation jokes would just get a shrug of non-understanding.

[LittleClarkie]

26. Every sperm is sacred

every sperm is great.

If one is wasted, God gets quite irate...

[titoresque]

27. And let us thank him for our food. Amen.

Good times.......good times.

[LittleClarkie]

28. "Look at those Catholics Martha. Every time they have sex they have

another child."

"It's just the same with us, John. We DO have two children."



From memory of course. (not sure if I've got it exactly correct therefore.)