The Latest from My Fundie Neighbor

[ohio_liberal]

I swear I'm going to start my own blog someday that has nothing but excerpts from the continuting saga of "My Fundie Neighbor". I gotta share the latest:

I went to take out the trash and My Fundie Neighbor was outside grilling something. She mentioned that it was getting cold tonight and we'd all be firing up our furnaces. I grunted at her about not being able to afford it soon, seeing as our natural gas prices just rose 30%. She said, and I quote:

"God loves you. Jesus loves you. They'll take care of us."

I said,

"Jesus Christ is going to pay my gas bill?"

And then she said,

"I pray for you every night that Jesus will come into your heart. Don't be afraid, He loves you."


I think I'll go ahead and wait for that woodburning stove to be delivered, just as backup, ya know. :D

[msongs]

1. she wants the demons to possess you, such a nice neighbor nt

[DURHAM D]

2. Just tell her you would like for Jesus to write you a letter.

If she indicates that is silly just ask her "Can't Jesus read and write ?"

[Parche]

3. stove

Tell her you will have to start burning bibles soon
to get some heat!!!!

[SpiralHawk]

4. There's a run on wood stoves

You can bet your bippy.

I shopped around the last 3 weeks or so, and every place I went they were selling stoves like hotcakes.

People know they cannot afford the high cost of heating fuels this winter. And thanks to BushCo, one has to wonder whether some fuels will suffer supply interruption.

[me b zola]

71. We burn wood for heat, and we live in the city

We don't buy wood, either. In the summer we always keep our eyes out for someone cutting down a tree. Woohoo! It is a lot of work for us, but the extra $$ goes into extra on house payments, and helped pay for our trip to DC to yell at the SOB to get out of OUR HOUSE!!

[serryjw]

5. Start IT! It would be a BIG hit!

Everyone has a fundie neighbor.

Personally, since she has welcomed Jesus into her heart did she volunteer to pay your bill?

[ohio_liberal]

6. She told me if she wins the $205 million Superlotto

She will give me $100,000. No shit, it's true. :)

[serryjw]

11. She will end up with about

$60 million after taxes...she can afford it.

[jedr]

20. "Lord won't ya buy me a Merr-ceedees-Bends"

[ohio_liberal]

21. She wants a Lincoln Towncar

That's for the next installment of the saga.

[tsuki]

30. My friends all have porchés, I must make amends.

[jedr]

57. damn that woman could sing...what a loss to us all

[ohio_liberal]

62. Isn't it though?

I love her music. I'm going to go steal some through Bearshare right now. ;)

[me b zola]

69. "Prove that ya love me, and buy the next round..."

[jedr]

80. it's on me , my friend

:toast:

[sickinohio]

26. Wow - I'm surprised.

In the "baptist" religion, gambling is a "sin". She better pray for God to forgive her TONIGHT!!

[jmowreader]

31. Oh, so THAT explains it!

Gambling is a sin, therefore almost every Baptist church in Fayetteville runs bingo games as fundraisers.

[sickinohio]

43. Heck - they're only running the

bingo games to raise money for the church (they aren't actually playing the game). I don't know, they're all hypocrites, and they have an excuse or a reason that makes it ok to run the bingo games, I'm sure.

[FreedomAngel82]

34. It's supposed to

be a sin no matter what if you follow Christ. What's funny is my aunt/uncle are Christians and love to go gamble. They don't let it run their lives though. I think it becomes a "sin" when you let it control you and your life etc.

[sickinohio]

44. You're probably right.

The thing that I want to know is where does it say in the Good Book that gambling or drinking is a sin? I've asked that question of some of my "evangelical" relatives, and none of them have ever given me a straight answer!!

[Hawkeye-X]

81. No..

i'm gonna win it..

I'm gonna put a lot of money in removing a LOT of repukes out of power.

[ohio_liberal]

9. I talk to her every single day

I can't escape her. I'd have new material to post every day. :D

[serryjw]

15. Fundie Friends and Family.....& Neighbors

You'd be a big hit...We all need to vent with stories like this.

[ohio_liberal]

19. I need a Scoop-based site like dailyKos

Content driven, user diaries and all. We could call it "dailyFundie" :rofl:

[serryjw]

25. Go for it.........It would be priceless

to hear about all the fundie's comments

[Carni]

61. I have the book end to your fundie neighbor across the street

Last Halloween she put up torches and a sign saying we were going to hell for celebrating satan--tsk tsk on us, we had Halloween decorations up <GASP> and they offended her.

Needless to say my decorations will be even bigger and bolder this year!

[ohio_liberal]

63. That will be one of my next installments

My fundie neighbor has a shitload of Halloween decorations outside. I'm going to start a mad debate on the pagan origins. Hee!

[Carni]

65. For real? She can't be a total fundie then

My fundie neighbor (and several like her around here) think Halloween is a horrendous event.

They won't let their kids partake and they frown on anyone who will!

Yours sounds like she is more of a fundie in training lol

[ohio_liberal]

70. I didn't say she was a "smart" fundie

She really is kind of a M-O-R-A-N. Her church allows Halloween celebration so it's ok, ya know?

[Carni]

78. Well I guess!

Needle her about it... but please don't tell her too much LOL--
there are enough of these kill joy clowns running around trying to ruin Halloween!

[jedr]

27. Tell her you're Jewish...that usually sends them running.

But you have to learn all the Holidays...

[FreedomAngel82]

35. You should start a blog though

That'd be a good read.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

7. You have to admire

the guts to say that because I never could! Single-minded, a bit arrogant...amazing.

Maybe she'll bake you some cookies sometime.

[Wickerman]

8. Ask for two cord of oak with that stove, gonna be a wicked winter!

[ohio_liberal]

14. My Grams has a farm

We're going to burn anything safe that's already down, and there's a bunch of them along the back few acres. My brother ordered a stove too and has already been chainsawing like a fool.

[DancingBear]

10. Tell her you just saw Jesus, and he was wearing socks

Ask her if this is a sign that higher fuel prices are coming.

[ohio_liberal]

16. LOL

That would really fuck with her mind.

[FreedomAngel82]

38. LOL

Tell her you saw him in the mirror. I still remember there was this girl I was friends with in high school and her mother was really weird once with my mother. She told my mother she saw Jesus in the bathroom and Jesus told her that our team would win the football game (it was Friday night) and then we ended up losing. :eyes:

[XanaDUer]

60. You would think Jesus had more to do that appear in

mirrors to lay bets on football games.

Does Jesus do lotto numbers?

[DawgHouse]

74. LOL!

[politicaholic]

12. You could try bible burning...

just sign up to all of the televangelists you can telling them you're an "on the fence pagan" and they'll send you a bible a week each at least.

[Soup Bean]

13. Tell her you're praying for her.

See if it makes her paranoid.

[ohio_liberal]

17. She already knows I'm not a prayerful sort

She'd call me out as a liar right quick.

[rox63]

36. Then tell her

that you'll sacrifice a chicken on your alter in her name.

[ohio_liberal]

40. LOL

That one is even better.

[Somawas]

18. Print out this article from Salon.com

and hand it to her-Article is called Rescuing Jesus.

http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2005/10/07/jesus/index.html

[readmoreoften]

33. great article, and I'm not even a Christian.

Should be handed out to all fundamentalist RWers. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.

[FreedomAngel82]

39. They should

As a Christian they really make me ashamed sometimes. *sigh*

[driver8]

22. I wish Jesus would find his way into Shrubby's heart...then maybe

we could stop killing innocent people in foreign countries.

[mshasta]

23. said that all Jesus checks bounces....

x(

[Carolab]

24. Ask her if Jesus is getting it from that new Iraq-Israel pipeline.

Or maybe from Hugo Chavez.

[neebob]

28. I may have a fundie neighbor

Nice old biddy two doors down, came over the other night to tell me that this other old biddy about five doors down was in the hospital and it wasn't looking good, so we talked for a while and then she invited me to Bible study. I told her I'm not religious (which is really a massive understatement), and she went, "o," and I haven't seen her since - which is totally normal, but I'll be surprised if she comes over to share the neighborhood biddy news again.

I supposed my JW neighbor across the street is a fundie, too, but she avoids me like the plague.

Come to think of it, my mom's a fundie. I could start a blog called "My Kooky Mo-Mom," but I'd end up getting trashed for being disrespectful to my mother.

Have you ever asked Your Fundie Neighbor not to talk to you about Jesus? Or do you not want to?

[ohio_liberal]

41. Oh yes, I ask her all the time

ok, so it's more like telling than asking, but I've said many a time that she should stop with the Jesus shit or I'm leaving. If she doesn't stop, I leave. She keeps coming back for more.

[FreedomAngel82]

42. What really makes me sad

is how they only care about turning people into their beliefs etc. but after you show no intrest they're no longer your friend. *Sigh* I had friends all throughout high school who weren't Christians and sometimes they were greater friends because they weren't so uptight and things like that and more into intelligent conversations and such.

[neebob]

52. My Kooky Mo-Mom would never do that

She just tells me I shouldn't feel this way or that way or the other way and tries to correct me about every other time I open my mouth. She keeps her religious beliefs to herself, except when she's rattling on about her neighbors, who are all the Bishop or the Relief Society President or her home teacher or whatever, or when she went to see the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and it was awesome to be in their presence, or when she sends me canned goods for my food storage because President Hinckley says things are gonna get really bad. That doesn't bother me. It's when I don't just sit there and go, "Uh-huh ... uh-huh ... uh-huh" that the trouble starts.

My JW neighbor avoids me, I think, because I congratulated her and encouraged her to stay single after she had to divorce her husband of 26 years because he went on the lam and she found out (from the feds) that he was a criminal. She wouldn't want me in her church.

And the biddies are nice and everything, but I don't want to be part of their club so that's not a problem, either.

As for fundies in general, lately, I find myself not wanting to hang around people who believe nonsensical things. If they were once my good friends it would be a problem. I certainly spend a lot of time and emotional energy stewing about my mom. I thought I had an okay relationship with her until I decided to be honest and we started arguing and I realized she's completely brainwashed. That makes me sad.

[tsuki]

29. What an effing, stupid bitch. Sorry, I felt it needed to be said. n/t

[ohio_liberal]

46. Truth is, I feel kind of bad for her

Her mother is a prescription drug addict who lives with a crackhead. Her father was religion crazy at one time. She told me a story about her Dad giving almost everything they owned away to some fly-by-night hell and brimstone preacher who disappeared a couple of months later. I can see how some people would turn ultra religious if their lives are so fucked up they can't cope. So that's why I haven't cut her off dead. I used to get PO'd at her bullshit but now I just laugh and share stories with other people. Sometimes I'll debate her if I have the time. It's really a lot of fun.

[Straight Shooter]

55. Oh, I get it now. Jesus is her dope.

So to speak. "Religion is the opiate of the people."

No offense to genuine Christians, who understand that more are convinced of the words of Christ by witnessing deeds in his name than listening to endless lectures and pontificating slogans like "Jesus loves you."

[ohio_liberal]

64. Oh you nailed it!

Jesus is her dope. Indeed!

[FreedomAngel82]

32. Oh yes

My family is Christian and even my own dad knows that Jesus can't pay the bills. :eyes: People who are constantly trying to convert you get really annoying. I would tell her "don't call me I'll call you."

[CelticWinter]

37. Wonder if your neighbor is my mother

sounds just like something she would say.

[dretceterini]

45. As her if

she burns crosses for Jesus

[ohio_liberal]

48. She's only 31, poor kid

Truth be told, I don't have anything against religious people. Heck, I have an uncle and an aunt who are very religious. My own brother went through some crazy religious phase when he was going through a divorce (fasting for days and all that stuff, thank goodness it didn't last very long). But all the people I know except this lady keep it to themselves and don't try to convert or preach to me. I guess they know it's a waste of time. :)

[Ferret Annica]

47. Fundies, fundies, fundies...

I got my hair trimmed (I keep it long) and a lady walking by gave me a dollar saying "God bless you," as I was unlocking my bicycle to leave.

I passed it on to another person who falls into the demographic she was assuming I belonged to.

But I'll tell you, she sure knew how to hurt a guy.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

49. At least you didn't get

TOTAL crap... it's obvious that she was trying to be civil and all.

I like your reply, though. :D :D

"Jesus Christ is going to pay my gas bill?"

Ah, fundies. Can't live with 'em... well, maybe you COULD live without them...

;) ;)

-WIMR

[jokerman93]

50. That's so spooky it's almost gothic

Flash your neighbor your best Anita Bryant smile and remind her that Halloween is just a few more weeks off!

That's some weird sh*t! I didn't know human adults could be functional under the rigors of such abject denial. The way they act sometimes, Halloween really could be some kind of high holy day for fundie freaks. They fit right into the whole macabre scene.

After watching the weird ballet between Dubya and his increasingly bizarre fundie base for the last five years, I've recently dubbed the phenomenon "American Grotesque". It's a real aesthetic "at this juncture" I think!

:beer:

[Bigmack]

51. "When Will Jesus.....

.... Bring the Porkchops?"

George Carlin book.

[ohio_liberal]

66. **belly laugh**

That's hilarious :rofl:

[NoBushSpokenHere]

53. Go tell her she was right that Jesus came to you and

asked you to show her the way. You need to have logs hauled in just at her property line, then start cutting them at 6:00 am. Tell her that Jesus told you to get an early start because your neighbors will need wood this winter if they don't see the light and stand up for humanity!

I live in Ohio, want me to come and help saw early mornings?

[BurgherHoldtheLies]

54. Burning bushes were Moses' thing, not Jesus

:silly:

[mondo joe]

56. Just ask her this: Does she buy home, life or health insurance.

If she buys any of them, why isn't she instead trusting Jesus to take care of her?

[ohio_liberal]

67. Oh yeah, we had a looong conversation about insurance

She was getting totally fucked over by her insurance agent (property insurance). It's a really long story but the answer is yes, she does indeed have insurance. More ammo for me! :)

[Swamp Rat]

58. If you can print it, give her this bumper sticker:

:)

[ohio_liberal]

68. Oh man, I'm going to put that outside somewhere

Somewhere she can see it. :hi:

[kweerwolf]

59. When you neighbor says something like ...

"I pray for you every night that Jesus will come into your heart. Don't be afraid, He loves you."

Look at her in horror and say, "If Jesus came into my heart he could clog an artery and give me a heart attack! What kind of horrible person are you to wish that on someone?!?!?"

[Craig3410]

72. Nice to see you started the blog...

http://myfundieneighbor.blogspot.com/

:)

[ohio_liberal]

73. Yep, just did it

:D

[Geek_Girl]

75. Maybe she's flirting

That's how fundies flirt they can't actually flirt, so instead they try to convert you.

Next time she says she'll pray for you ask, "Are you coming on to me?"

:)

[texpatriot2004]

76. I wish those stupid people would leave Jesus out of it. Of course

Jesus loves you, he loves us all but the gas bill has nothing to do with Jesus and furthermore, God gave us all a brain to use - their blind faith "bushit" is not intelligent. They can coexist you know, that is Christian faith and intelligence. I hate it when they pull that sanctimonious Pharisee crap, that holier than thou crap..."I am praying for you." BLAH!

Their Jesus is NOT my Jesus and I wish they would leave religion out of these matters.

[GreenPartyVoter]

77. You can always come blog with us. *g*

http://www.livejournal.com/community/thought_express/

[orwell]

79. Hey Jesus...

Got Wood?