Inexpensive Halloween Costumes

[Timbuk3]

For those on a budget, you can go to your costume party as:

1) An evangelical. Tear half the pages out of the Bible that you're carrying. Never open it. Criticize everyone else's religion.
2) A Republican: Carry a Bible and a copy of the Bill of Rights. Never open either one. (If you really want to do this one right, spend twice as much money as you actually have and declare war on Canada.)
3) Saddam Hussein: Wear only your (not so) tightie-whities and stuff a sock in the crotch to represent your "weapon of mass destruction."
4) Tom DeLay: Big smile and a prison uniform.
5) Karl Rove: Bald head and a prison uniform.
6) Bill Frist: Dress like Marth Stewart. Prison uniform/ankel bracelet optional.
7) James Dobson: Carry a baby doll around. Freqently take off your belt and whip the doll with it. (A toy dachsund will work in a pinch.)
8) Harriet Miers: Lots of black eyeliner under you eyes should do it. Refuse to talk.
9) Clarence Thomas: Collar and leash, get someone to dress like Scalia and hold the leash. Ask no questions of anyone.
10) Michelle Malkin: (Asian descent only.) No costume necessary. Just twist your mouth into a hideous grimace while you proclaim your hatred toward nearly everyone.
11) Ann Coulter: (This one only works if you're a skinny guy with a big adam's apple.) Wear a blonde wig and stuff a sausage in your pants. Carry a "liberal hunting license" and a gun.
12) Rush Limbaugh: Buy some pimple cream. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom frequently to "smear some of this on my ass." Talk about your girlfriend, Daryn Kagan and why blacks are "affirmative action cases" when they play in the NFL.
13) Chris Matthews: Blonde hair. Scream a lot. Punctuate screams with "I taught I taw a puddy tat."
14) John Hinderaker: Shove a rocket up your ass.

Later additions:

15) George W. Bush: Either dress up as a piece of toast (his legacy), or in a cowboy hat with a handful of brush and some white powder under your nose.
16) Laura Bush: A "June Cleaver dress", high heels, heavy makeup, and spend the night sweeping the porch.
17) Donald Rumsfeld: Wrap yourself in an ace bandage, tie a balloon to each foot, and go as a prick.
18) Dick Cheney: Attach some wires to your chest. Clutch at your heart a lot. Ask people if they know where your bunker is, then laugh uproariously when they say "no".
19) Bill O'Reilly: A phone, a vibrator, and a loofa/falafel, if you catch my drift.

What did I miss?

[Nickster]

1. Love the Rumsfailed costume suggestion.

[NV Whino]

2. These are great!

Gawd, I want to do them all.

[jmowreader]

3. George W. Bush at work

Wear a blue suit that's too big with a white shirt (that's too big) and a red tie. Wear a lot of makeup, and four or five American flag pins. Spray your hair gray and get really drunk before you leave the house.

Dubya's Best Buddy: wear a brown robe and a long white fake beard. Wrap a big book in an old brown-paper grocery sack and write "101 Fiendish Plans" on the cover.

Fred Phelps: Spray your hair white, wear a shitty-looking cowboy hat, and carry a big sign with an anti-gay message on it and a Bible that's never been opened. Speak with a Southern accent. Try to pick up all the guys at the party.

Jack Chick: No costume really necessary--no one knows what Chick looks like. Just walk around the party carrying a Bible that's never been opened and damn everyone there to Hell. If you can get some Chick tracts, they make great party favors.

Harriet Miers: Go to Goodwill and buy the ugliest polyester pantsuit they have. Wear a lot of eyeliner. Get a file folder and write "Military Record of George W. Bush" on it. Carry that in your left hand and a scrub brush in your right.

The Joker: Get a cheap suit from Goodwill and dye it purple. Make yourself up like Laura Bush.

[Callalily]

4. Ha ha ha ha . . .

I love the Laura Bush one - hmmmm, June Cleaver dress. Hey, I've got a dress that I call my "June Cleaver dress", and yes, I wear it with pearls and my bad girl shoes.

[kliljedahl]

5. Those are great

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Atman]

6. I wish I had caught these earlier!

I can't rec 'em now...but they're perfect!